Friday, 1 June 2018

Dear diary..........30th May 2018

30th May 2018

Got to bed at 3.30am, Great night in bar and totally exhausted. When will they experiment with full body transplant?

Woke up at 5am. Why do people write "Woke up" in diaries? If i hadn't I'd be dead and i wouldn't be writing my diary.
Woke up 5AM with intense stomach cramp, not sure why, hadn't eaten anything weird or re-heated. Wanted to be ill but just wasn't happening. Sat in bathroom for an hour.
Why do toes move? I watched my toes while sat in bathroom. I wasn't thinking "Move toes" but they were moving. I know i have to move my legs as that makes me walk but why do toes move by themselves?
Looking at my feet they seem in very good condition considering every toe in both feet has been broken at some point. One person once said my feet look like a Hobbits feet. Did that person know something i didn't? Aren't Hobbits fictional creatures?

Got back to bed at 7AM to try to get a little more sleep.
Woke back up at 9AM bursting for a wee. As i wee'd my water went from the normal colour to red. With the intense stomach cramp and red wee have i got internal problems? I started to panic. Then i remembered i had  had a fresh beetroot sandwich the day before, Phew, panic over.

Noticed many ants around the house lately so i have set up a devious cunning plan. I will place a sugar hill on the floor, follow the trail of ants to their lair and wipe them out once and for all. That will show them.

Decided to get my stock then rest for the day after my stomach cramp and beetroot trauma.

Biscuit is outside calling, he will have to wait till its his treat time which is 5.30PM before i head to bar.

Didn't sleep much as stomach was shouting at me. My stomach is so loud when it grumbles, sounds like a bubbling pot in a huge cave. Amazing how much noise a 30" waistline can make. Must google why stomachs rumble.

Something else that has me perplexed. In all adverts and TV programmes cockerels crow at dawn, so how come my 4 cockerels can't tell the time? Morning, afternoon and night its "cocka doodle doin". Is there a way to reset their body clock?

Time for work, feel much better but not eaten, one square of chocolate for some sugar and peach ice tea for fluids. Wee is now back to normal colour.

Bar was much quieter tonight which was a blessing after being so manic through most of May and with me not feeling 100% so it was a welcome rest bite. What does that mean "Rest bite"? Must google that.

Got home 2.45AM with ant killer in hand ready to take my revenge.
The sugar hill has gone and so have the ants, these are no ordinary ants, BUGGER!

Time for bed. TV in bedroom now only has 4 channels. How? Never mind, its a smart TV so will watch "Toast of London" off the USB stick. Cockerels are telling me its time to wake up, no its not its only 4AM. Must get ammunition tomorrow.

Serve All. Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

New t-shirt for you.

Sold three already.

No comments:

Post a Comment