Thursday, 25 May 2017

Fancy eating your buddy for lunch?

"Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, i don't remember the reeeeSSSSST, so we will just leave that way"

Yes its another day on the island in facts its my 1880th day or 45120 hours then again it could be 2,707,200 minutes. That was rather an Alan Partridge moment to figure out like that, A-HA!

How are you all today my lovely blog followers? I would like to welcome the new blog followers from Armenia and Georgia, Barev & Gamarjoba, that's hello in their languages not their names.

May is going very well indeed. Every single customer that has stepped in to Oceanic has returned and i mean every single one, so i can't really ask for any more and as always they have all been great friendly customers.

Now i like my food but would i really want to eat my buddy? Well that was on offer at Donkey Beach in Tsilivi could actually eat my buddy. I was shocked, appalled even but then it all became clear, they meant a sandwich or as we know it "A Butty"

Extreme eating experience

Ahhhhhhh, that's what they meant.

And smoothly moving on to eating experiences, i forgot to show you what i had when i went for a Gentleman's afternoon tea at the Park Plaza in Cardiff. It was so so good, as you know i love my buffet food, so this was posh buffet food.

Now then. As i wandered around my huge balcony i spotted something just laying still across my double patio doors. "That's funny" i thought "I can't remember buying a draft excluder".
Aggggghhhhhh, SNAKE! Yes there it was just laying in the shade after what it looked had just had its lunch. In length stretched out straight it was easily 4ft.
What do i do? It wasn't moving. I just bent down and stared at its head......Its tongue came out, IT'S ALIVE, IT'S GOD DAMN ALIVE, BUGGER!
OK, keep calm kev, what would Bear Grylls do in this situation, creep up on it, pounce, grab the head from behind just below the jaw, bite its head off, drink the blood, strip it of its skin and eat flesh for my dinner. NO, that's a bit to extreme and i'm not that desperate for food just yet as i still have 2 boxes of frosted shreddies in the cupboard.
A cloth over head so it keeps still while i grab it.
I get the cloth, slowly get close to it and drop the cloth.........Bugger, it moves back. I Pick the cloth up and try lifts up and moves, STAY STILL!
Then i remember i have a pole with a hook on it. I've seen them use these and the snake curls around they hell. I tried time and time again, do you think it even looked like it was going to curl up around it, not a chance. In the end it was a few quick flicks with the pole and over in to the garden it went. I AM MAN!

He not so tough.

Here you can see circled in red its dinner and the pole i had to grab to clear him away. Well would you be happy being poked after just having a big meal?

Now i don't watch much TV in the UK and especially over here as its all in Greek but i was amazed at 2 things i saw when i switched the TV on.
Firstly they have a program called "Your face sounds familiar" basically its stars in your eyes but i was shocked when they were interviewing a caucasian Greek male about who he was going to be only for him to step out blacked up. Now i'm not up on political correctness but is that still allowed?

And then a few days later at 2pm in the afternoon i found this film. I had to take a picture of the TV screen as you would never have believed me. When i watched part of it it was rather saucy, it was an early 1970's Greek version of Carry On.

One of my favourite beaches on the island is Donkey Beach but now they seem to be advertising it as something like an animal version of "Family Guy". Here i give you Donkey Quagmire. Its spooky.

And here is Quagmire

As always every season i try to add new designs to the t-shirt you can buy from the bar. Chris Cornell was a sad addition to the collection.

Remember a few updates ago when i was having a "Rant Time" about Fabletic gym wear and women not actually wearing it for the gym. It seems even women themselves have noticed this.

And like in the news the final funny.
I was reading the free Metro paper you get at train stations and came across this unfortunate headline. Now the story is actually horrific and terrible but i think they got the staple placement a little wrong.
A slight gap needed i think.

I know its not a long informative update this time but i have lots to do today but needed to fit an update in as trying to keep it to one update every fortnight as i know you just looooooove to keep up with whats going on the rock. So i promise a longer one next time but its getting a bit cloudy and i got washing on the line, a bar owners work is never done.

So until the next one,

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Friday, 12 May 2017

"Tis the season to be boiling,bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger!"

Yes you guessed it, its time to start working on my blog again every fortnight. So unfortunately for my poor blog followers you have more mental ramblings and dribble to read over.

In today's thrilling update there will be hardly any pictures.
"WHY, OH WHY NOT?" i hear you cry like the voice over person on points of view, well i had a horrible accident.
I was parking up on my bike at my home. On my petrol tank i had my petrol tank bag full of liqueurs. The bag slid off and landed on my foot, PHEW! i thought, that was lucky. Then i saw blood pouring out from under my foot, yes you guessed it, my foot was crushed to a pulp. Sorry, my mistake, it was a bottle of strawberry liqueur that had smashed, easy mistake to make. It was soaking out through the bag. I rushed the bag into the house and put it in the bath where i opened it and turned on the shower to wash the bag out.
In my panic and quick thinking i also forgot that my phone was in the bag, OOPSIE! As you can imagine the mixture of strawberry and water doesn't work well with a touch screen mobile phone.
I shook out the phone and left in sun for a few hours. Tried the phone, broken.
Then i was told to put the phone in a bag of rice. Its worth a try. I left it in the rice for 36 hours and guess what.............It only bloody worked. Every single function still works, so after this update your next one will be awash with pictures of all sorts of random things just because i can take pics again.

Well the bar is up and running and because i believe my lovely customers deserve and even more comfortable chilled out bar to relax in i've made some decor improvements. Now at this point i would post a picture but instead here is an artists impression.

They have even got the fine detail of the connect 4 on the tables. An impressive refurb don't you think?

I have had so many messages about where is my minion twin Kevin and when is he going to be appearing on the blog again. Well i have great news for fans of Kevin the Minion he will be back on this very blog shortly. While i have been slogging my guts out carrying tons of metal in the winter Kevin has been on the set of his next 2 movies in America "Despicable Me 3" and "Minions 2". He is now back on the rock and ready for adventures.

So now the island. Well most of the rubbish stock pile has been removed, to where i don't know but at least its getting sorted, slowly.
At the moment out here there seems to be more other european tourists than British and i think that is just going to continue. On the old road 80% of the people who pass by Oceanic have all sorts of accents but not British. The resort itself is in good shape with no real big changes just the odd new building gone up with shops in but no new restaurants or bars open just a few have changed names.
As for Oceanic nearly all who have been in so far this season have been new customers, i think maybe only 11 have been repeat offenders, i mean customers which is good for business but its early days yet and we have to take it one day at a time and never take anything for granted. This is the way i've run Oceanic for 11 years now, what will be will be.
Couple of new cocktails on the menu which already seem to be very popular especially "Death on two legs", i wonder why LOL.
So its all good folks.

Now lots of speculation of what i was doing and where was i during the winter and as i had stated on here its been a preety boring winter but just before i was about to come back out to Zakynthos i went on a little break as i had come down with what i thought was an incurable disease, "Victor Meldrew Syndrome". This disease can be quite harmful. Even though in yourself your extremely happy it makes everything and everyone around you very annoying to the extent that you want to shout at people with such things as "Are you a complete idiot?" or "Get of facetime in a public place you imbecile". As you can see i needed to get away and where better to get away from the rat race of modern day idiots than to Switzerland, Montreux on the bank of Lake Geneva.

What a wonderful, peaceful, beautiful place. This is where i have ever felt most at peace.
And i can honestly say i saw hardly anyone sat around on mobile phones or with tablets or laptops, almost everywhere i went people were just sat socializing with a drink. It was amazing.
Whether its the surroundings or the culture of the place i don't know but it was so nice to hear people talking and not sat with their faces in their phones and fingers swiping back and forth.
So lets give you Kevlar's tour guide of Montreux.

This was the view from my room which was only 5 mins walk to the bank of lake Geneva.

As you walk down the hill towards the lake i noticed a building that looked like a boat had been put on top of it.

It is a boat it is, look, LOOK!

As you get to the bottom of the road from the hotel it brings you to the statue of the amazing Mr. Freddie Mercury.

Now along with the statue just about 100 m away they have also preserved the recording studio that Queen owned as a museum to the band and Freddie. In this studio the artists AC/DC, David Bowie, Deep Purple and few others also recorded albums.

This is where visitors can sign their name and leave messages as they enter the studio.

As you can see i put allot of thought in to what i wanted to write.

One of many Freddie's outfits on show.

And the most meaningful bit of  the museum, the last place where Freddie stood to sing his last ever song. That was quite emotional and i'm not the biggest fan.

I have so many pictures from the museum but won't put all up, maybe i'll show more at a later date.

On with the tour of other places and landmarks.

I actual found where Freddie Mercury lived which is also on the cover of Queens last album "Made in Heaven" it took some searching and hunting down as its not known and no signage for it as the people that own it now don't want it as a place of interest. Its called "The Duck House".

At this point i almost got arrested by the police who were passing as i was climbing walls and looking over gates, oops!

I didn't know that Charlie Chaplin is buried here. His tomb is in the next town along which is called Vevey.

Also there is a big fork in the water which is for a restaurant called "Fork on the Water", i think its a play on the song "Smoke on the water" by Deep Purple which was written and recorded in the studio that Queen bought.

Here are a few other views for you to browse through.

Now i knew it was going to be expensive but when you go in to a bog standard restaurant, not fine dining or Michelin Star just a plain old run of the mill restaurant and see a chicken curry for this amount, you know your in the wrong place , ha!

Converted just for a curry, nothing else, it would cost you £28.50. Even a half of local beer was £4.50, luckily enough i found a CO-OP, ham, cheese, bread, pate and crackers for me, YAY!

And to finish off my tour of Montreux i was waiting on the train platform to go back to the airport and was feeling a bit peckish, AH! a vending machine.

As i looked closer they seem to have all bases covered.
Just in case someone is feeling a bit amorous on their way home after work you can buy some condoms and a pack of lighters for that after love making moment to light a cigarette like a 1940's movie. Ah but what if the condom breaks? No worries, just buy a pregnancy test kit too and if the result is positive take along a packet of Maltesers for when the cravings start. These Swiss got it all thought out in one sure fire vending machine.

Now every year while i'm away from the island rumours always start about am i or aren't i coming back, in fact gossip and rumours have happened every year for 16 years, you get used to it and just carry on.
So I will say this again for all to see and read from myself, if i'm not coming back i will be the first to let you all know on here and the reason why, until you read it on here then don't take any notice of what you read or are told.
Why am i telling you this? Well i don't let rumours bother me as i know the truth and the people around me and close to me know the truth and that's all that matters but when someone and i have to say i haven't been told who, when someone tells people that i'm not coming back because my mum is terminally ill just so they can try to get their hands on my business before i return then that is as low as it can get. When it comes to me, you can say anything, i'm not worried one bit but when my family are dragged in to it for someones own personal gains then its time to speak out.
And this post has come about because i had an e-mail from a regular customer of mine Kevin who has had a real life trauma unlike the lies told about my mum.
In his time of sadness Kevin took the time out to e-mail me to tell me his beloved wife Joyce had passed away while having surgery and he contacted to say how much they both enjoyed Oceanic and the times they spent in the bar, Joyce especially loved the Turkish Delight cocktail. They were the most perfect couple in my eyes, always happy, always content and always loving to each other while in the bar, they were a joy to have in the bar every night.
I have asked Kevin's permission to write this little bit about them and he gave his blessing, so here is the e-mail that i am so grateful for and made me quite emotional as i read it.

Hi Kevin

"When Joyce and I were in Zante last September you asked us to keep you informed on how things were going with the operations Joyce was going to have.
I regret to tell you my beloved Joyce passed away on 17th  April due to complications in surgery for a double heart vale replacement.
We were already in process of arranging a visit in September this year .
On Behalf of Joyce I would like to thank you for the wonderful nights we have spent in your bar over the  last few years and the memories we have.
The copy of the music we had from you certainly helped us through the winter, Saturday night was Oceanic night (once we had the secret of your Turkish delights) she loved those. She loved those drinks.
She did ask me to let you know as she had a soft spot for you would always make me look for and read out your blogs, and she was very proud of the fact you had mentioned  the little Carlisle  (bit of tat) erm  I mean fridge magnet we brought you in one of your blogs.

In closing I sincerely wish you all the best for the coming season and hope it will break all records for you. I hope one day to return to Zante and the Oceanic and have a drink in her memory."

I am so so grateful to you Kevin for that e-mail. Reading that through again has got me choked up once more. To kevin my heart felt sympathy goes out to you and to Joyce i will make every Turkish Delight Cocktail this season in your honour. Here's to you both.

I don't want to write anymore on this update as i want to leave it with my thoughts as they are.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All.