Tuesday, 25 December 2012

The Kevlars Speech!

This year has been an horrible anus. No not like the Queens year where she had her annus horribilis, i literally have had a horrible anus. In March i had a dodgy curry from Mr. Tak Tak's and only just last month i had a pimple on the right cheek and god was it sore sitting down.

Its Christmas time and we must not forget the true meaning of Christmas, to love, care and cherish the people around us and of course not forgetting the baby Jebus (ref. Homer Simpson). Now with me being a Reverend and often reading Gideons Bible that you find in the bedside drawer in hotels I've come across a few flaws in the whole Jebus story. OK, so first there was Adam and Eve, the snake sort of spoilt it for them by making them take the apple and their leafs falling off and basically creating the original sin. Now if they weren't meant to do the jiggy jiggy how would we all of got here? Secondly, Moses was alive 1500 years before Jebus and the 10th commandment was "you shall not covet your neighbour's wife". Move on 1500 years and Mary, who is married to Joseph is having a baby but the baby is the son of God. Bet Joseph was a bit miffed at that and then what happened to gods 10th Commandment? Oh, so its OK for God to go about willy nilly coveting his neighbours wife but for mortal man its a no no. There are allot more holes in this story but that's a few I'm worried about. Anywhoo, Jebus, manger, angels, 3 wise men and Frankie goes to Hollywood's "The power of Love" playing in the background while the little saviour is born is a lovely image for Christmas. 

As the year comes to a close we could talk about the Jubilee, Olympics, royals making babies, Plebgate and of course Jordan's 100th marriage but no, I'll leave that for the little old lady that lives in a huge house and doesn't pay any bills.

The weather this year has been terrible in the UK, terrible floods and heartache at the damaged caused by the waters but out of every disaster comes joy and the joy out of this story is Paul Daniels got flooded out again, what does he expect he lives next to a river and has been flooded out 4 times all together, MOVE!

What do these things have in common, Jubilee, Olympics, Nirvana reforming and the opening of a Lidl in Skipton? Yep you got it, saggy faced old codger, Sir Paul Macartney.  Please retire and go away.

What do these things have in Common, bad jokes, slurring words, unfunny and rubbish dancing? Yep, its the wig wearing old codger Bruce Forsyth, Please retire and go away.

Its been a year of more crappy reality shows, more crappy music being released "gangnam style" (what the*@$)! and crappy politics that not many people actually care about as its a joke.

In a year where we have all had our tough times and stress we can take comfort in the fact that we're not as ugly as the cast of TOWIE which i think you'll agree is a blessing and in times of trouble we should keep a picture of the cast in our wallets and purses. Just when we think things can't get any worse we can pull out the picture and be gratefully that we're not as thick, fake and butt ugly as the cast of TOWIE. We thank you oh TOWIE cast.

I will very quickly mention the Olympics, Great for London, debt for the rest of the country.
I can feel a few knighthoods coming on. I knew a guy who used to delivery meat on a bicycle in all weathers, think he should get one if other cyclists get one, after all its just riding a bike.

Sport this year has been wonderful, Wales winning the Grand Slam, think that's it.

For Greece it has been a terrible struggle this year, for me all i can say is WOOHOO! Cigars rolled on the thighs of a Cuban Virgin for me. Am i allowed to say that anymore?

Lets look to the future, Sunshine in Cyprus, Sunshine in Zante and rain, cold, and grey in Bolton.
We have some special days ahead of us in the new year, lots of laughs, lots of booze and lots of meeting new friends and old at Oceanic. We all have many days ahead of us so lets not dwell in the past as we can't change whats happened but we can look forward to 2013 and make the most of each day we have, after all we only get one shot at this life on earth so seize the day, make the most of it. Go crazy once in while. Use goose fat on those roast potatoes, buy heinz ketchup instead of happy shoppers, add that extra spoon of sugar in your tea and what the hell, wear those summer shorts to town at the first sign of sunshine even if its freezing, why not eh!

From Helen and I we wish you all a very Merry Christmas and hope all the days ahead of you are happy and fun filled ones, after all "Lifes what you make it" you shape your future. Till next Christmas, this is Kevlar saying thank you to you all and may God be with you, well not everywhere of course but on journeys and stuff like that.

P.S. sorry this isn't in 3D but the little old lady has got the only 3D camera available on christmas Day. I was offered 1D but i couldn't have stood listening to absolute shite music on such a fun day LOL

Sunday, 23 December 2012

Its the season to be jolly, Bah Hum Bug!

Blimey, has it been that long since my last update. Sorry about that my loyal subjects but I've been working harder than Fern Britons gastric band.
Well, Christmas day is almost here and if i was alive at the same time as Charles Dickens his story A Christmas Carol could have been my biography but without the ghosts. I hate Christmas if I'm being honest, having to eat sprouts, watching repeated movies and of course endless shops playing Christmas songs isn't my idea of fun.
Toys R Us is at full speed now and Father Christmas is pushing us little helpers to the limit. I remember when i started at Toys R Us 12 years ago we used to have 8 Santa's helpers, now there are only 3 of us, myself, James and Darren. Its amazing how things have changed over those 12 years.
As i always do every Christmas i give you an insight in to my work and the toys at Christmas so let the Toy Story begin.
Here folks are 2 England players you can buy to make a collection can you name these 2 world famous stars? A Clue, they look bugger all like the players they are meant to be.

I am a bit worried about the next 2 toys. Mobile Phones for kids. I mean, do we really need to have this sort of toy so early on in a child's life. From the cot they are being shown how not to talk to people and just sit by themselves and use social network sites or even sit with people and use social network sites LOL. The first phone is for the age 9-30 month, the second phone is so they can get an upgrade when they are 2+ years so it would be like when we get an upgrade after an 18 month contract.

Now they say that caffeine is no good for children but here is a espresso machine for a 3+ year old child. Its not just any normal espresso machine, oh no, it also makes a Macchiato. Bloody hell, i still don't know what a machiatto is and i drink the things.

I'm sure that all the parents out there love their children but whichever one buys this doll for their little girl must want to give the poor child nightmares. Can you imagine waking up to this psycho looking doll, you'd be traumatised from a very young age LOL.

I've taken this picture as i've decided to get this water park built at the back of the Oceanic but there will be a law "No Speedos Allowed" unlike in the pic.
NOTE:- The water park will be made to the same scale as the toy.

I can feel a court case coming on, me against Playmobil. How dare they take a picture of me on my bike and use it on their product.

As we all know i'm going slightly thread bare on top and have been thinking of what to do in a few years time. Do i have a hair transplant or do i wear hats? Well neither, i've decided i'm going to have Minnie Mouse ears transplanted on to my head instead. Here is a preview of how their going to look like.

Well, the first Oceanic tour is over and it was to Leeds. Arrived on a Sunday and met up with Gaz, Jayne, Kathryn, Carl, Dave and the legend, the man, the myth himself, DEZ. Was great to see them all. The Dry Dock was the first port of call where we had a quick pint then moved on to Wetherspoons. It was bloody freezing, why oh why did we move on. Had a few more drinks but then it was time for bed as it had been a long day. A big thank you to all that showed up and an apology to Gaz and Jayne for not taking their pic but Helen didn't get her phone out till late on.

Day 2 of our tour and on to Skipton. Lovely little place, really like it here, had good times.
Again another cold day but we took a tour around the street market, had a coffee in a shop called something like "bean loved" and ate in a pub which i forget the name of but it has all old beer mats on the wall in frames and looks like they have folk music in there sometimes, its off a side street towards the canal.

While here we met up with Rachel, Leigh, Richard, Trudie and little Kell. Boy does that little guy have strong lungs and a healthy appetite. Think he gets that from his dad LOL.

You all must know by now that i like my pies and in Skipton i had the best pie ever. It was a black pudding and pork pie. Oh My God, i was in pie heaven. If i lived in Skipton you'd have to build me a house with a super wide doorway as i'd be that huge from all the pies you'd have to roll me out the door.

Talking of people being rolled out of doors, remember Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Violet Bowregard was rolled out of Willy Wonkas factory and that leads me on to a shop also in Skipton that sells Wonka Bars. WOW!

Can you tell i'm excited at the fact i bought a bar. Unfortunately i look more like Macaulay Culkin than excited. Damn that child star and Home Alone.

I thought that Skipton would be a lovely place to live and found a house just the right size for me. I'm just a bit worried about if there was a fire, i wouldn't be able to reach the fire extinguishers as they're to high up the wall. I will find out the sale price and if they can lower the extinguishers.

Day 3 and we start off with a Costas Coffee. While drinking my coffee i decided to act out the scene from Star Wars where Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are blowing up Tie-Fighters. Helen just read the paper while i made laser noises.

This is the Arcade of the side of Harvey Nichols store which was a wonderful sight to see. Harvey Nichols wasn't so wonderful to see, jesus that place is expensive and i have to say my Oceanic T-shirts would look great in the mens department.

The last night of the tour and Dez came over to go out for a curry. Well, when in Leeds you got to have a curry. Akbars was the place and on the menu i could see "Family Nan Bread". Got to have it. When it came out i thought they'd brought me a Quilt to take home with me in case i was cold. It was huge. Just so you can see how big it was Dez has kindly put his bottle of Cobra Beer next to it. This was a very kind gesture of Dez as usually you would have to kill him before he'd let go of his beer LOL.

Its now Sunday 23rd Dec and 8.40am having just got in from nightshift and got to go to the day job at 9am. I have got loads and loads more to tell you but have run out of time but wanted to give you a little update to read.

Don't forget at 3pm on Christmas day i will be giving my alternate speech to the Queens speech on this blog. So if you don't fancy being bored to death by a blue rinsed old lady going on about her jubilee, the olympics and a great grand child on the way then click on this blog and hopefully i will have some words of wisdom for you. I doubt it but i'll try, if not then we'll just have a good laugh.

So until my christmas speech and then a further update i shall bid your fairwell and get myself ready for work.

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Sad, Sad, day but at least everyone is safe.

As you all know from reading my blog over the years my good friend George owns the Taverna on the side of Mount Skopos on the way to the landfill site. I've known George since 2006 when i first visited his little shack where he had just 3 tables and 7 chairs but it has grown and grown over the years and now has many visitors. Today i was told that his wonderful little taverna was hit by a tornado.
I'm glad to see him as his family are safe and i hope he will be able to get it back in to full working order as its the one place that makes me feel like I'm back home when i first arrive back on the island and George himself is such a lovely guy its a shame to see the damage the tornado has done to his little place.

You can watch the TV report on this link.


Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Wetter than a fishes wet bits!

Well my lovely readers, how we all doing in this wet, grey and horrible land?
Its so horrible this weather with such heavy rain, even when I'm on my motorcycle the waterproofs are as much use as a paper umbrella stood under Niagara Falls.
Its been all work, work, work lately, Toys R Us is, well, Toys R Us nothing changes there. The Range is going really well and i enjoy it as I'm kept busy non stop or if they haven't got anything for me to do i find something to do, as you know my loyal subjects i can't stay still and do nothing it drives me insane. I think there are more pictures of Bigfoot than there are of me sitting down LOL. Over the past fortnight i have been asked lots more silly questions in store but one that keeps reoccurring is "Excuse me, do you work here?" as I'm stood there with a Navy t-shirt on with the orange "Range" logo embroidered on it with a navy badge with "The Range" on it in big white letters and my name. Most of the time people ask me this while I'm up a ladder, carrying heavy boxes or making up a display. The one time someone asked me "Excuse me, do you work here?" while i was in my uniform i replied "No sorry, i just like moving boxes around". its OK the customer got the joke.
As i was on my travels the other day, in fact i had stopped on my way home as i was almost blown off my motorbike in high winds. I came across a little village called Llanddarog where i noticed a sign saying "Best kept village 1961. 1971-73, 1986-87". Now i really don't get these types of signs. Its almost like saying "We took care of our village for these years but couldn't be arsed the others". There may be some people looking to move to the best kept village in Carmarthenshire and that sign may put people off.
The Gardner must be having an extended holiday since 1987 LOL.

Now as we all know on Zakynthos in my bar we have "Biscuit Club", sorry forgot I'm not allowed to talk about biscuit club. I was walking around a store in Carmarthen Town centre the other day and came across my all time favourite biscuits "Foxes Sports Biscuits" OH MY GOD! I used to love them with the little stick figures on them playing sports but to my horror they have now tried to put proper pictures on them, That's no fun. I have taken pictures of all the different ones and see if you can guess what sport the biscuits are depicting.

Now, i've just realised after uploading all these pictures Helen will now know that I've got a secret stash of biscuits somewhere in the house, BUGGER!
I got a new Smart TV the other week and its AWESOME! I can go on the net with it, use apps on it, plug an external hard drive in to it, use a keyboard & mouse through it and record programmes on it, basically its a huge computer on our wall. I was slightly disturbed by one app and its called MUTV (no not Man. Utd TV, now that would be real disturbing) no it stands for Music TV. There are lots of different music categories on it like reggae, pop, ballads and further down the pages i found Punk, brilliant! I clicked on it and to my absolute horror the first bands video in the punk section was Busted, bloody Busted! What the......, come on please anything but them. If that band is punk I'm going to throw all my punk vinyl out, how dare they smear the Punk religion with such a vile word, BUSTED, GOD HELP US! HA HA.
Been watching a TV show called "A Tale of Two Islands" its on ITV1 Thursdays at 10.30pm. I know its past some of your bedtimes LOL. You can catch up on it with ITV iplayer. Its really good but i think it doesn't show the real side of life on a Greek island as it seems to focus more on the rich side of it than the everyday life of a traditional Greek family or ex-pat. Its a bit to rose tinted glasses for me but still a good watch. This has spurred me on to finish my Docu-comedy that I've been writing over the past 2 years about a British gent who decides to pack up and move to Zakynthos to open a bar but it all goes horribly wrong showing all the pitfalls that i've seen of moving and opening a business abroad. I've taken all the bad experiences i know about from people i have met over the years of working abroad from my first time on Corfu in 1986 till now and rolled them in to the main character. So i will be trying to get it complete by April ready to send out draft copies to the TV companies to see if any interest. Lets just say it will be a sort of Spinal Tap about a business starter. "YEAH, BUT, IT GOES TO 11"
Well my beautiful blog followers that's it for another 14 days but if this rain carries on my next blog update may be about me building an Ark, make an orderly Que in pairs people LOL

Thursday, 8 November 2012


Now then. just to put things straight, I AM HESTON BLUMENTHAL! Only joking. He is my nemesis and it seems on Oceanic facebook page he is taking over that as well. well his name is ha ha. Helen has also showed me a video of me singing (CRINGE) i thought that had been put in room 101. I think that was in 2005/6 can't quite remember the exact date. I had organised a Zante meet up in Cardiff for members of the website JustZante. The site used to be very very busy at one point so i hired a room and a disco and posted on the website that everyone was welcome without any charge. I had a great response from members, looked as though it was going to be over 100 from the replies that i received. Guess how many showed up? Think there was about 14, cost me £300 in all for the room and disco and i wasn't charging to attend i just did it for a good night out. Well everyone who came had a good night, in fact we carried on back at the hotel till early hours of morning.

Talking of chefs or should i say cooks, Jamie Oliver isn't happy with 30 minute meals, oh no, he now does 15 minute meals. Well i can beat that, The 2 minute meal. i'll give you an example:-
1/ Find a delivery take away menu.
2/ Choose your food.
3/ Make the phone call.

Job done, that takes 2 minutes.

I've been home now 2 1/2 weeks and i have to say the weather hasn't been to bad except when its time to head off to work. As you know i can't drive a car and have a motorbike home here (driving lessons starting this month) but every bloody time i step outside my front door to go to work it rains, every bloody time. Its as though the gods are waiting for me to leave and for a joke decide to make it rain from when i leave the house until i get to work when it stops. Perfect timing. When I've got nowhere to go or nothing to do its sunny. Just my luck, eh!

Now remember i posted about some of the silly things people say in the bar well its just as bad in store where i work called The Range. So for your pleasure here are a few of the stupid questions i have been asked in my first 10 days of work.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where the bedside lamps are?"
We're stood in the bedside lamp section.
(we were stood in an aisle with about 50 bedside lamps)

"Will this Christmas star fit on the top of a Christmas tree?"
Yes madam, that's what its for, the top of a Christmas tree.
"Yes i know that but will it fit on mine?"
I don't know what tree you have.

(Lady holding a lamp)
"What bulb will fit this lamp?"
What fitting is inside the lamp?
"Its a small screw fitting"
There you go then, you got the answer.
"yes but what bulb fitting is it?"

"I bought these solar lights and they don't work"
Right, where did you have them fitted?
"In my bedroom around my headboard"
Where was the solar panel?
"Inside my room"
That's why they don't work.

(Woman holding a picture with price stuck on it)
"How much is this picture?"
The price is on it.
"That's the actual price?"
Yes, that's why the sticker is on it
"Thought it would have been cheaper"

God help me when it gets closer to Christmas and the store gets busier, i think i may have a stupidity breakdown LOL.

Went to Cardiff on Friday with my World Watched actor nephew Leighton Kyle (We've changed it from world famous as we found out no one knew him but people had most probably watched him LOL) to meet up with the football boys Daz, Tim and Ian. I missed out catching up with them last year but made sure i would meet up with them as soon as i got home. Always a good laugh when we meet up talking about important issues such as "My taste for vodka and cranberry" the conclusion from Daz was "I'm a girl". Jimmy Savile was a hot topic when revelations about Leighton had met him while in a children's hospital, Leighton got his autograph, don't think you'll get much for it on ebay now. Cardiff City's new red home kit and shirt badge that looks like a beer mat and not forgetting my appearance on Total Wipeout which Daz, Tim and Ian all agreed it was rubbish and i was crap. All i got to say is "yeah, but who got to meet Amanda? ME!"

On Saturday i then went to Cardiff City Centre with Helen to have a look around the shops and to get some fresh fish from Cardiff indoor market. On my way in to town i took a walk through the civic centre. Even though i was born and raised in Cardiff i don't think you actually appreciate where you live. In the very centre of the city there is Cathays Park with its war memorial and i was the only person in the park. It looks lovely with all the flowers and the sun shining. My house used to be 5 Min's walk from the centre of town.


As you step out the other side of the park directly in front of you is Cardiff City Hall. This building has appeared in many films and TV shows. The last film it appeared in starred Wesley Snipes and Doctor Who is filmed in and around this building as it covers a large area.

 Just Across the road from the City Hall you have Cardiff Castle. This has held many events over the years including Queen in the 70's with Freddie Mercury, Green Day, Robbie Williams and one of Joe Calzaghes world title fights. Its a bit of a rip off though just to walk around it £12 and that's without a tour guide.

All this is only 50 metres away from the heart of the shopping centre centre, thinking about Cardiff is an amazing city but after Friday night out the city centre nightlife has gone down hill. Local is better.
We went to the fish market and i have decided to try new fish and meats i haven't eaten before. So we shall start off with Shark meat. Not sure how i was meant to cook it so i went with the safest way and wrapped up in foil and cooked in oven. It had the texture of tender pork but tasted a bit like hake and would definately have it again. So have now decided to try Kangaroo, Zebra and Crocodile meat.

From town we went to IKEA. Oh Joy! As we arrived i forgot how big the store is. They are very clever these people. They have creatde a walkway that a hiker or rambler would be happy follow. It winds on for miles and miles, well it feels like. You have to walk past every single item that they sell. By the time i got the the stairs of the first floor to go down to ground floor i'd lost the will to live. All the items have stupid names like "Scoobilobon" or "Klippikluken", for god sake just say it as it is.
Now as you all know i like a bit of culture, i do a bit of oil painting, I've been to a few operas, browsed around art galleries and visited a couple of museums. In Cardiff Museum there is a copy of Michelangelos David. This is a beautiful statue. Its amazing that someone can sculpt such a life like figure out of stone. There is a reason for me showing you this.

While i was waiting for Helen outside a shop in Cardiff i noticed a guy, spray painted silver, standing still. Why? Below this person was a box for people to put money in, WHY? Now forgive me if I'm wrong but shouldn't you have to pay money for someone to do something? Hey, i'll take my living room chair outside CO-OP, i can sit still in that for hours. I mean come on. I've seen the ones in London but at least make an effort and look like an angel or a gladiator but look at what Cardiff has to offer, a guy in a second hand suit spray painted badly with a hat that looks like its just been run over, and he wants donations. My point is why pay for a guy standing still when there are loads and loads of real statues around Cardiff that look much better and they don't expect cash LOL.
Michelangelo and the other turtles must be fuming LOL.

Not done much else as its just been work and rain. Looking forward to the first part of Oceanic Tour. Starting in Leeds on Sunday 9th. The meet up is the night of the 9th at The Dry Dock in Leeds city centre from 8pm. Will then decide from there if we are moving on elsewhere.
So remember its every 2 weeks now the update ok my dedicated blog followers. Until then, Yes I am Welsh and no i can't say that welsh train station,
 " Llanfairpwllgwyngyll-gogerychwyrndrobwll-llantysilio-gogogoch "

Friday, 26 October 2012

Planes, Trains and Automobiles, I'm Home!

Well folks I'm back and the weathers been bloody horrible ever since.
Woke early to a glorious morning and moved my UK motorcycle "Ghost" in to the bar and made my way around the resort to say my goodbyes. Took my Greek motorcycle "Virago" to bar and locked it all up for the winter, called my taxi and waited in my apt for the very last time. Its the end of an era. I moved in to this apt in 2006 when i was still at The Tropicana and its been my home for 7 years, 7 really good years. Its been a great place to live, living room, big double bedroom, washing machine, air con, central heating for winter, a safe, all doors and windows mozzie proofed and it was very secure. People ask me "Will i miss it?" NO, its only an apt after all and the memories will stay with me but why should i miss it when i have my new home which is amazing.
My living room in my old apartment, allot cleaner than a week ago LOL

BLOODY KIDS! Made it to the airport and was straight through with my bag and in to departure lounge. Waited till almost everyone was on the buses then made my way to the gate, Didn't think the plane would be that full but boy was i wrong. Thomas Cook had taken on some of the seats to fly people back to save using their own planes (doesn't sound good). So i had 3 seats available to me. One was by a middle aged man who seemed to be nervous and was coughing up a lung, second was next to a larger than life person, loud and slightly larger than your usual passenger and the final seat was an aisle seat next to a retired couple, great, seat 3 it is. Behind me i didn't realise were 3 young boys between the ages of 7-10. they were excited and looking forward to take off, not a problem, was nice to hear. Take off was smooth and the plane levelled out for a none turbulent flight. It was about 5 Min's after the seat belt sign went off when the tray behind me was dropped down...... then slammed up....... then dropped down....... then slammed up, AAAAGGGHHHHHH! All 3 kids were doing this. Their father was sat across the aisle from them and he didn't do a thing. Then it was kicking the back of the seat, then moving around in their seat so their backs were against the back of my seat and pushing it. The retired couple just Lent forward and read their books. Me, i kept looking at the father in disgust and he was to busy listening to music and playing his games on his iphone, i looked over seat at kids and gave a look that would kill, the kids stopped..... for about a minute. That was it, i had had enough, i got up and pretended to go to the toilet. As i got up i pretended to stumble and elbowed the oldest child in the back of the head hopefully dazing the lovely child. It seemed to work but it was a bit late as it was about 2 hours after take off. So i have an idea, i think for the children's safety (children under 10) they should be restrained with a 4 strap safety belt like in formula 1 cars and they should have child proof catches so only adults can undo them and they can only be undone for toilet visits. Another great idea from the Kevlar brain LOL.

Landing in good old blighty. Sorry i mean grey, wet, dull, miserable Britain i had 2 hours to kill before my train so i treated myself to my first real pint since i left the UK in March, so i sat and savoured the taste. Of course i had to sample more than one just to make sure they were all of the same quality, after all i did have a 2 hour wait.

mmmmmm, a real pint.

Then it was train time. First Gatwick to Reading which took 90 Min's, this was uneventful and calm, THANK GOD!
Then a 45 min wait till my train for Swansea. I forgot it was a Sunday and its student time. All students going to Bristol, Cardiff and Swansea were making their way back to Uni after a weekend home. Nightmare. Luckily my seat was reserved but they were everywhere, on the floor, on each others laps, one was even asleep in the luggage rack. Then the conductor had a complaint from someone (non Student) who had reserved their seat but a student was sat in it. This set off a chain reaction like a puzzle. The conductor made the student move, the guy got his reserved seat but the student who was in his seat also had a reserved seat but wanted to sit next to her mate so she went to her original seat where someone else was now sat and this went on and on with people getting up moving seats and making someone else move. It was quite fun to watch as everyone who had to move had a little rant. Kept me amused anyway ha ha.

Then the last leg of the journey. Helen picked me up from Swansea to make our way home to our little house. HOME SWEET HOME.

I'm not going to do a review of the season as all i need to say is BEST SEASON EVER!
T-shirt sales total from bar was 231 and next season will have an online shop for the new designs.
It seems the flavour of the season this year was "Live Music". Once one bar has a good idea the others follow. The thing is with so many bars having live music this season and many using the same singers the tourists can pick and choose where and when they want to see the singer, so its a real hit and miss idea, finding the next big idea in entertainment for tourists is very difficult.

Some customers say the funniest things, every year i get the odd gem and this year was no exception.

1/ "Can i change this Turkish Delight Cocktail?"
    Yes of course you can, may i ask whats the problem?
    "It tastes like Turkish Delight"

2/ "Are you showing the England game?"
      I Don't have any TVs in the bar, Sorry.
     "Does that mean your not showing it?"

3/ "Can i have a pint of lager please!
     Yes sir, i have Alfa, Mythos or Amstel?
    "I don't want that foreign crap, haven't you got any English lager?"
     Like what?
    "Well, Stella, Carslberg, Kronenburg?"
     Are they English?

4/ (On a rainy day)
     How's it going today?
     "I'm not happy about this weather"
     Ah, well we get the odd day but never lasts for long
     "Don't care, when i get back I'm suing Thomas Cook, they said it would be sunny"

5/ (From my friends bar)
    "Can i have a Tuna baguette please"
      Yeah sure
    "One question, does it smell of fish?"

6/ Where did you go on holiday last year?
     "We went to Greece"
    Your in Greece now.
     "Are we?"

Just a few i can remember for now but believe me there was allot more LOL

Now in saying that just the other day i had a complete dumb moment. I walked past a club near where we live and saw people going in all in Halloween fancy dress. I told Helen and she told me it was a "silent disco" to which i replied without any thought "What, you mean a disco for deaf people?". I had this instant vision of deaf people dancing to whatever song was in their head. I do apologies now to any deaf people reading this for my stupidity and if any deaf person visits Oceanic next season i will give you your first drink free for my ignorance. Helen later went on to tell me its a disco where they wear headsets which the music is played through. How do people talk to each other? Its difficult enough to talk in a normal club without headsets. Be a bit weird if you didn't know and walked in to a quiet room full of people having fits and twitches LOL.

I was on Zakynthos for 7 months and never got ill once, been home 5 days and got a stinking cold which is real bad news as i was going to see Ed Tudor Pole (Tenpole Tudor) tonight in a little local pub called "The 3 Salmons" its just a little place for about 60 people, gutted. On a positive note I'm going to see Depeche Mode in Athens on May 10th so I'm letting you know in advance that i will be closed that night just for the one night, will travel over in the morning and come back the next morning, don't panic, its just one night LOL.

Now I'm not on facebook but Helen does an excellent job in keeping the Oceanic chill out bar facebook page updated. I stole here facebook page and left a thank you message to all my wonderful customers and friends. While i was typing my post i saw this picture that was taken at Anne and Johnny's wedding, has someone airbrushed it? Is that really me? I brush up quite well for a special occasion don't i , little bit more of a tan and I'd be happy LOL. Had comments of looking like Heston Blumenthal (that bloody Heston, my nemesis) also anothet said a Welsh James Bond, don't know about that, maybe after this months gym. I'll throw my hat in the ring as Daniel Craig has said he may be giving up the position ha ha.

I start back at my winter jobs next week so looking forward to getting started, i hate sitting round just wasting time, can't think of anything worse.

You should now be able to access the Oceanic website and all the pictures are now on there from this season. http://www.oceanicchilloutbar.com/

Please keep posting any pictures of yourself in Oceanic on the facebook page as Helen shows me the page every week and its nice to see.

I know I've got loads more to tell you but this head cold is stopping my stream of consciousness from flowing like it normally does when i write my blog. so until the snot clears and my eyes stop watering I'll leave it there.

Until next week my lovely followers, try not to sneeze while taking a sip of hot tea, you may burn your nostrils LOL

Saturday, 20 October 2012

"Hooray, Hooray, It's time for a holiday" - Ref. Boney M, LOL

So as another sun sets on another fantastic season its time to pack it all away for another winter and try to figure out how to fit all my crap in to one tiny bar till next year. The Rubiks Cube got bugger all on my bar storage LOL.
When i took this pic it was still raining and grey clouds still all over the island.

This Was the horrible storm we had on Sun 14th Oct it lasted pretty much all day and flooded Oceanic, AGAIN! Stayed closed this night as didn't want my customers sat in a damp bar so they catch a chill. See how thoughtful i am.

The main road only just visible through the rain.

Usually from this view you can see the airport and the mountain range on the west coast.

No sight of Mount Skopos and notice the outdoor shower working overtime on the left ha ha.

I'm not going to go on and on about how quiet Oct has been, the whole of the island is 50% down on last seasons Oct and this is due to 2 things. 1/ Thomas Cook leaving most of their hotels empty with only flights from Manchester and 2/ Thomsons upping their prices for flights and package holidays knowing Thomas Cook had virtually pulled the plug on the island. This has left many businesses struggling as many use Oct as the month they take money for their V.A.T. bill for July, Aug and Sept. I always prepare myself for every situation as you never know what will happen with the season, so good job i always put my V.A.T, money aside by end of Sept ready to pay in Oct. So just to show you how quiet the old road was in the second week of Oct i took timeline pics.

7 P.M. Open bar. No one.

8 P.M. Still no one on the road,

9 P.M, Where have all the people Gone.

10 P.M. Cavo is empty only 5 rooms have tourists in.

11 P.M. only one table in Oceanic but 2 more tables came in after this pic.

Go forward 4 days to the 15th Oct and every table is full, weird.

I can honestly say that no one on this island would have had a good Oct including myself. Only a handful of nights i was full and the others were OK but nothing special, good job my first 5 months were the best I've ever had. Fingers crossed that Thomas Cook get bought out before they also go down the Swanee as its not looking good for them. They've had many problems this season with flights, sold off more assets to help with debts, cut over 400 jobs and just this week some tourists who used flights only were told not flying them back to Cardiff so they will be dropped at Manchester. That would cheese me off no end. Cardiff Flights are always more expensive than from say Gatwick or Manchester and they are flying back on a cheaper seat and then have to get a coach back to Cardiff, what a pain in the ass.

On a brighter note, Rock Dog is back, AWWW! Its been 5 months since i last saw him after he got attacked and i feared the worse. Shame i couldn't keep him myself as he is such a mild gentle dog but i don't stay here during the winter. If the season was 12 months then that would be great, i would keep him but i couldn't open up during the winter just hoping someone will come in for a beer. It would drive me insane just waiting and waiting, also i couldn't live here just doing nothing accept eat and drink i would go out of my mind doing nothing. Nope, i like my quality time with Helen, 2 months merchandising at Christmas for Toys R Us and this year also The Range (Toys R Us at night, The Range in the days). Then 4 months of keeping fit, weekends away and medical trials with lots of needles (why do i do it LOL). Myself and Helen have always said when we do settle here we will live from April - Nov on the island then go back and live in the UK from Dec - March.

Good boy Rock Dog.

I was feeling a bit peckish the other day so thought i would try Steki Grill House as you go over the first bridge in town nearest the port its opposite that. I had A dish called "Charleston Gyros Plate" and Feta Cheese in the oven with a side of a Donner Meat pita and a chicken pita. I'm afraid to say that i couldn't eat it all so i left 2 slices of tomato, wasn't that hungry after all LOL.

A feast fit for a king, I challenge you Man V Food!

I managed to work out my storage puzzle and now the Oceanic is bare of all lights and furniture. Its always a sad day seeing it empty especially after my best season ever, just wish the season hadn't fizzled out so quickly but myself and the customers who visited me during this month made the most of it and had a good laugh and a good drink. Big thank you to all who ventured in during my last week keeping me going but a special thank you to Chris and Sandra who i always have a good time with having a laugh and listen to even better music with and of course i can't forget my Assistant Manager Phil and his wonderful partner Janice who made it to my bar every night for 3 weeks and invited me out for a drink when i closed on the night Oceanic was flooded. To both you couples, you kept me upbeat and kept me going stronge till the last day on Thurs 18th Oct.

So from the 19th it was holiday time. As you know my loyal blog followers i love to go and explore the island, i love to learn about the island and its history and today was no different. I went to visit where Dionysios Solomos sat and wrote "Hymn to Liberty" in 1823 which today is the Greek National Anthem. It is said that he sat in an Olive Tree here, listened to and watched the cannons going off during the Greek War of Independence in the centre of the island in 1821 and this inspired him to write the poem. I was the only person there today and its a lovely place and even with me being a short ass Welshman i had a feeling of pride that i was stood where the national anthem had been written. Shame these types of places are missed out on tours as there are so many more places of interest than what you get on the trips. The good thing is that next season i can go and sit there every day as its only 5 Min's walk from our new house.

The entrance to the Solomos memorial.

So peaceful but a bit neglected for somewhere of such importance to Greek history.

The Solomos memorial.

The View from the olive tree where Solomos sat,

Me trying to think like a poet and come up with an anthem for Oceanic but all that's going around in my head is "Ba Ba Black Sheep", please, no jokes about the welsh and sheep LOL

So that's it for this update and i fly tomorrow. Once I'm all settled back in gloomy UK i will update with the seasons review and keep my blog updated with my winter adventures but until then, its time to sit back and watch the air stewardess give me the emergency procedures when we all know in the case of emergency we'll all just panic LOL.