Friday, 14 November 2014

WINTER SEASON 8, EPISODE 1 "The long wet winter"

Yes I am alive, yes its been weeks since my last update and no I haven't forgotten about you.

The reason for such a long period of silence is due to me leaving both my laptops on the rock. Well in the winter apart from my updates, Ebay and after December answering questions on Tripadvisor I don't really use the laptop but I do miss it for my updates, IDIOT!

So this is now being typed from a gaming shop in Swansea called "Crossfire". I'm surrounded by geeks. No I don't mean they're sat around me watching me type this, there are about 16 computers here most for online gaming, you know what I mean "Wizards sleeves and Wands", "Dungeons and Dominatrix" those types of games. So I must be classed as the weird one as I'm the only one not playing an online game.

Well I landed back in the UK earlier than I had told everyone to keep it a secret from Helen so she had a nice surprise when I arrived home early. It was so nice to arrive home to be met with a great big hug and a grin from ear to ear, always love that moment.
When I left the UK the weather was grey and miserable, when I landed back in the UK the weather was grey and miserable, ah well, some things never change.

Bar chat first as always, I will keep this very short, BEST SEASON OF MY 8 YEARS. I'm in shock to be honest as every year I think it can't get any better.
So to every single one of you that have helped with making 2014 my best ever season I thank you so so much and don't know how I can every really show how much I appreciate all your custom. I know, you can all have a drink on me (Virtual Drink), CHEERS!

Also have to say a huge thank you my best buddy Tasos. He was always there for me when I needed help or fancied a chat and a laugh but I do have to say something, Tas, get Demi to teach you how to make my perfect frappe, they are soooooooooooooooo good, Demi teach him through the winter if you wouldn't mind, LOL.

At the end of this season I decided to move from the lovely house in Bochali. It was a hard decision to make but in July and August it was a complete nightmare getting through town to work in the afternoon, when you finish at 4-5am some mornings that 15 min ride home was a killer and the house was constantly damp which was never good but in saying all that I loved it up there but needed somewhere closer to Kalamaki.

This is would be my add for the new place of abode:-

WANTED:- Home for a short ass Welshman. House trained and self sufficient. Can be left for months without any supervision. Needs plenty of indoor and outdoor space due to poor vision. Moulting not a problem as this is the lesser haired breed of the short ass Welshman. Ideal for a quiet household but prefers to be left alone. Viewings of this rare breed are by appointment only.

Think that says it all!

So the finale of "The Mad Axeman". Being as I may never be up near this house again I thought it was time to send Kevin the Minion in to the house. We set up our plan and executed it with precision. Kevin went in first. An all clear sound was agreed, that of a Partridge, no, not of the bird but of Alan. We went with "Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan!" This way if the mad axeman was around he wouldn't know our names were Kevin.
The place was bare but there were signs of  evil all around the house, pairs of used socks and dirty y-fronts, leaves thrown over the floor to cover footprints, a metal spring mattress for electric shocks and remains of a fire where he most probably tortured marshmallows, how evil is this guy. Alas no signs of the devil himself, DAMN! He escaped our grasp little Kev. There will be another day, we shall find you.

Kevin making the first move.

Myself keeping a look out while Kevin does the scouting ( Not Ging Gang Goolie scouting)

The fire where many a marshmallow were tortured.

Is this just an old mattress or a electrocution mattress?

After we found the premises to be empty and with no real clues we headed off. Its the start of the olive picking season, on nearly every road the picking had started. Kevin decided to give a hand and help a grey haired old lady. After 5 olives (no not trees, olives) Kevin decided to give up as it was back breaking work and wished the lady "Good luck, you need it",

Kevin's last holiday snap over looking Tsilivi. He is such a tourist.

When we arrived home the house was being invaded by a giant Praying Mantis. Run for the hills. He was battering on the door, ripping, the windows off, throwing the garden furniture all over the patio. KEVINNNNN!

Kevin the brave warrior went in to battle. He punched, he kicked, he slapped but nothing would stop the beast. He blew a raspberry and in one fatal blow of his tongue the monster flipped over on to his back and was dead. Must have been his bad breath.

Now Kevin is about to become a world wide movie star and I think I got the rights to part of his earnings. There is a Minions Movie to be released in 2015 and its about my little buddy, Kevin.

Here is his trailer:-

Do you think they've been reading my blog? Its about Kevin, Its about his adventures and its set in 1968, MY BIRTHDAY! I feel a court case coming on.

So its back to the normal life of coffee's in Costas (other coffee shops are available), wet days stuck in, rubbish TV and lots of walking. So far since I arrived back home I've found it very difficult to stay indoors. As soon as I'm awake I'm up and out due to the threat of Jeremy Kyle. Even if its raining I try to get out for a walk for about an hour or two. I think I may have Domatophobia (no I didn't make the word up).

I would also like to introduce you to some of my friends I have coffee mornings with at a local farm shop.
Mr Peacock and a grumpy flat faced sheep called "Roger". He is the weirdest looking sheep I've ever met and doesn't say much. Any thing I say to him he thinks I'm just talking nonsense as all he ever says is "BBBBAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa" , how rude!

It is nice to be home as home is where the heart is but boy am I bored already without running around like a headless chicken in a manic bar going 100 miles an hour, if anyone wants to hire a short ass Welshman for a private function to run their bar at a social event in their home then I'm available from Nov to April LOL.
I haven't got much to add so far as I haven't done anything , so sorry folks but hopefully within the next 2 weeks it will be all kicking off and have loads to fill you in on. Even this little update took me 2 hours just trying to remember the end of season and the geeks have started to get excited on their games so think its time to leave LOL
So I'm afraid that's it my lovely blog followers.
Until the next update.
Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

OCEANIC, SEASON 8, EPISODE 13 "T-Minus 6 days and counting"

 Is it really almost that time of the year again, CHRISTMAS! I hate Christmas, BAH HUMBUG!
No seriously i mean its almost the end of another amazing season.

Bar talk first as always.

Oct is very quiet now but I'm still getting people in even up until last night i was getting at least 20 customers through the door which is more than last year at this time but i think from tonight onwards that will drop off but as long as I'm covering my 4 euro opening costs then its all a bonus and may even be able to afford a donkey who i shall name "Jebus" or at a push a lovely fluffy wavy tail squizzle.
Got enough stock to cover the next 7 days till my flight on the 28th. The resort is empty. 6 accommodations left open and 3 of them are all inclusive so you can see where the school holiday tourists will be staying.
Some businesses are staying open even though not one tourists is going in, I'd cut my losses and close as soon as no one came in on a night.
In saying all that Oct has been better for me than the last 2 years which is when the tour operators decided to cut flights and airports to the island from the first week of Oct. I remember when you could get here from every airport up until the 3rd week of Oct. The tour companies are slowly killing the island off to a 4 month season, maybe Zakynthos should take a leaf out of Crete's book and open up in April and Close end of November that way we will get 6 full months, even Easyjet have cancelled their first 3 flights that began end of March even though the flight i was on 30th March this year was packed, not one empty seat. Oh well, Athens flight for me next year.

I had a young lady in my bar this season over a few nights who drew a very good detailed picture of Oceanic for me but she didn't sign it. As you can see even down to the red and yellow connect 4 counters, how amazing is that. If she or her parents read this could they please get in touch.

 Best drawing ever. Who needs Dali.

After doing the washing one day i had run out of space on the washing line and had to drape my socks over the wall. I'm rubbish at collecting washing in and they were out there for 4 days. When i eventually run out of socks and had to get them underneath one of the pairs of socks was a big fatty lizard. To say was surprised was and understatement. He was the biggest I've seen. He'd obviously been in a fight as tail had gone but think with his size he kicked ass. I went real close, no movement. I kicked the wall near him, not a flicker. I beeped the horn of my bike, did not blink and eye lid. I decided to leave him there thinking he had died and was just clung to wall. Come home that night and the big fella was gone. So strange.

Lip up fatty ah, lip up fatty fatty lizard.

Welcome to another edition of  "Cooking with Kevlar"

This update we're talking Stodge, Dunking and Greek cuisine.

I just love it when a certain food pops in your head and that's it, you just got to have it. Good job Yeti burgers don't pop in to my head that often, very hard to come by.

Sausage, Mash and Gravy. Now is that proper food or what? Forget fancy pants, gourmet, pretentious food, you can't beat good old stodge.
Now in saying that in my 14 years on the island i haven't eaten much British food, I've only ever had 4 full English breakfasts and one season a few Sunday roasts at The Lighthouse and that's it but i do like to make my own every now and again, why would i want British food when Greek food is just amazing and love it (I do like my crumpets and black pudding though).
The only problem was could only find village sausage so was a bit to spicy for a traditional sausage and mash but never mind still tasted good.

If you want British fare then Express Market in Tsilivi has more than anywhere else.
Look at this 3 biscuit pack. I'm in dunking heaven. Better than those luxury dunking biscuits i bought from there last time.
I've had more cups of tea the past week than in maybe 3 years. Just dunking, dunking, dunking, not had a cup of tea since i munched them all which I'm afraid to say was in one day.
Packet of nice in morning, Custard creams for lunch and Malted Milk for supper,mmmmmmmm.

This is a microwave curry. now I'm not at all in to microwave food at all but I've been that busy at bar and closing late i just wanted simple quick food. On first getting it out of microwave it looked more like curry soup but once i let it congeal again after a few minutes cooling down it was really good and just the right size portion for a very small child or Victoria Beckham. I could have done with at least 4.

Greek cuisine.
For 14 years i have never known what cheese is used in Saganaki (my favourite starter) but in the same supermarket i decided to ask at their deli counter. I bought 4 slices of it and promptly went home and made myself some. WOW, it was so good and tasted just as good as anywhere i have had it. Oh my god, i can feel a cheesy roly poly pudding belly coming on.

My relaxation lately has been at the Alexandra Beach Hotel. Its a nice location, pool is really deep and clean and the sunbeds are comfy. 2 weeks ago all sunbeds were full. I took this picture last week, just 3 people. Crazy. Its amazing how quickly the season just cuts off now instead of of just fading out.

Don't forget Kevin's Big Last Adventure on my final update from the rock next week but until then he has been trying his hand at cocktail making. I don't think he got the idea of it if I'm being honest. Archers Peach Schnapps, Whiskey, Tabasco, Lemon Juice, Choc milkshake and sliced cucumber. He called it "The Stomach Pump". Yeah buddy, i don't think even the name would make people want to order it never mind whats in it. He drank it and passed out. You have a lot to learn little one.

I've been trying to get up and out early every day as running out of days to enjoy the island. In all honesty i haven't had hardly any time to myself this season so these last few days have been a welcome break to clear my head and re-charge my energy but the one morning i got up a bit late and rushed to get ready and out. I have 2 pairs of trainers that are exactly the same apart from one pair are black the other white. It was only until i put my feet up while sorting the bar that i noticed i had put one of each on, DOH! Its not to bad when your sat on bike as people only see one side of you but when i went to the pool i must have looked like either a trend setter or a village idiot. no comments please.

 Who says i got no fashion sense.

Well its only a short one (like myself) to keep you going till my big final update with my seasons report, Kevin the Minions Big adventure and my winter plans. So I'm going to make the most of my last 6 days, i think i deserve it don't you? After all I've worked bloody hard this season and I'll be back in good old grey wet blighty with the rest of you before i know it.

So until my last blog from Zakynthos,

Serve all, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Friday, 3 October 2014

OCEANIC, SEASON 8, EPISODE 12 "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, All in a seasons work"

Howdy Diddly Doodly Doo to you folks.

Well haven't you been lucky not having to put up with my ramblings for so long but never fear, I'm Back!

Bar talk first as usual.

The Good!
All i can say about Sept is, WOW WOW WOW! It was that busy my poor little legs just couldn't run anymore as they had started to seize up so it had to be a jog to the supermarket instead of my Usain Bolt impression. One day i had to stay in all day with my legs up just to recover, well i am 46 now. My brain is willing but my knees are saying "No chance you old git" LOL.

Still, I'm not complaining and wouldn't have it any other way, until i actually collapse i will continue to work the bar alone, why take on staff when i can cope serving all my customers personally.

The cocktails have outsold any other drink by 10 to 1 and most have been my own creations which I'm very pleased the customers enjoy.

My t-shirt sales from the bar alone have now reached 1,007 over 3 seasons. I am amazed and how well they have sold and don't forget new designs are to be added next season so hopefully they will continue to fly out of Spiro's t-shirt shop.

Next season i will be adding short cocktails to the menu (no jokes about my height please). Even though these are not on my menu i have sold loads of fresh Strawberry Daiquiri, BMW, B n B, Manhattan and B52's.
so just to tease you here is one of my very strong B52's.

MMMMMMMMMMMM neat alcohol, not for the faint hearted.

The Bad!
With every season comes the wind down but this season it just dropped off very quickly within 1 change over day in fact. It went from the old road being quite steady with people walking around about 7pm when i open to absolutely no one. Its a good job that most of my custom, 90% in fact comes from the opposite end of the resort. even though Oct is only 3 days old the first 2 days have been great but i think it will be a quieter Oct than last season but hey, anything in Oct is a bonus.

7pm and all is quiet.

The Ugly!
Ha, you thought i was going to go on a rant didn't you, DIDN'T YOU? Well not at all, there hasn't been an ugly side this season, all my customers have been great. I've enjoyed chatting to each and every one and each one has been great company and have made this season Oceanics all time best season by a mile and still got Oct to go. That's not to say i don't get stressed, i do, i want my customers to relax and have the best time possible and that is the first thing on my mind. I never take anything for granted, just look at Aug, for almost 2 weeks it was very bad, just hitting target, in fact it was worse than the first 2 days of Oct this season but Aug all come good at end. So ugly can be put away for another day.

Kevin my Minion is becoming a bit of a superstar with my customers, they no longer want their picture taken with me they want it taken with Kevin. They even buy him gifts like these Minion Iced Biscuits. Again he was over the moon to receive them but he couldn't get the thought of cannibalism out of his head and it was left to me to scoff them down, DON'T MIND IF I DO!

My pool of choice at the moment is the Alexandra Beach Hotel. Nice and quiet, Nice and clean, Nice and Deep and not over crowded. Unfortunately i had to take Kevin and he just doesn't shut up. When I'm at a pool i just like peace and quiet to chill, no chance with my little buddy. Taking gaffer tape next time.

Kevin being the total tourist as he wanted his pic taken with a Minion relative. I had to explain to him it wasn't a Minion it was a Mycenaean, he just blew a raspberry at me and stormed off, what an ass!

The next update will be with a feature of "Kevin the Minions Great Adventure" He's going for it before we head back to the UK.

I came across this unusual shaped building out in the middle of nowhere. I'm making it my goal to go back to it every season to see its progress and to hopefully get to see the finished article, looks very cool.

Now call me "Mr. Normal" but I'm sure this sign means "No entry, Pedestrians only". I think I'm right.

5 seconds after taking the above pic a car and a scooter drove past the sign and went up the pedestrian area.

I remember when the tiles were first laid and it looked beautiful and thought what a great idea to keep it for pedestrians only and it made Alexander Roma shopping street look really nice. Now look at it after no one taking any notice of the signs. Its like this all the way up the shopping street, all broken tiles and patched up. What a waste of time and money.

WE WANT FOOD, WE WANT FOOD! I love food, no i adore food, no, no, i love food. JUST GIVE ME FOOD GOD DAMN IT! The worst thing about living where i do is that i pass every type of take away on my way home from work, Crepes, pastries, gyros, burgers, pizzas, baguettes, you name it i can pick it up.
But i found a new 24 hour food shop and the pastries there are so good, beautiful sausage rolls, shredded chicken with chicken sauce pies, bolognese pies, fresh paninis, mmmmmmmmmmmm all so good. One night i forgot i had bought a loaf of bread, tomatoes and olive and pepper cheese and went on to buy a bolognese pie and sausage roll. What do i do? Do i eat just the pastries? Do i eat just the cheese and tomato on toast? I know I'll eat both. I sliced the loaf down the centre to create 2 giant slices, topped it with tomatoes and added 5 slices of cheese on both. with me making those i thought i better just eat halves of the pastries.

Shortly after devouring the plate above i went to fridge and finished of the other halves of pastries, well, be a shame to eat it the day after, might not taste as good.

GIMME, GIMME, GIMME. I found for the first time ever in 14 years on this island, real Fry's Turkish Delights, was i excited? I almost wet myself. No sooner i had eaten this picture, sorry, i mean taken this picture, i had eaten all 4 in one afternoon. MORE PLEASE!

I'm in heaven, on the same day i found the Turkish delight i found "Dunkable Luxury Chocolate Biscuits"
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH! FEED ME SEYMORE! I couldn't wait to rip this packet open and start a dunking.

Woh, Woh, Woh.......What the hell is this? These could only be Luxury Biscuits to a down and out. They were all mangled, chocolate missing and one even looked half eaten. This is not good.

No this is not me holding a lump of poop, its what we call in the food business as a "collective of biscuits" or in normal teams "A mess". How is this dunkable? What do i have to drink my tea out of, a bucket?

I was so excited at seeing the large lettering of "Dunkable Luxury Biscuits" i missed the small print "An assortment of whole, mis-shaped and part biscuits" Bloody small print spoilt my dunking. Also it stated "Coated with real chocolate" Is there any other kind? "That's not a chocolate bar its just impersonating a chocolate bar" LOL.

Well my lovely, amazing blog followers that's it for this update and the next one will be a bumper edition before i leave the rock to head home.

So until my final update for this season,

Serve All. Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Monday, 15 September 2014


Oh my god, i am so sorry. I've been so slack with not updating my blog but Helen was here for 2 weeks and the bar has been manic and just been so drained that i couldn't even think to write the blog, my poor little Welsh brain has been frazzled.

So let us begin, bar talk as always first.

August was looking like it had gone down the tubes with 9 nights just about making target but then from out of nowhere the last four nights turned it all around and August was on par with last August which was my best August but to be honest that's better than i expected, so nothing more and nothing less, I'll take that.

Sept so far, BOOM, BOOM, SHAKE THE ROOM. Manic, crazy, relentless, headless chicken, BRILLIANT!

Someone commented to me " Its not like work though is it really" EXCUSE ME? I slightly flipped. Within a 2 1/2 half hour period i serve on average 200 drinks, that's 1 every 45 seconds, that's taking the order at the table, making it and serving it to table and i still have to clean up and wash the glasses. Its definitely work trust me, just ask my body and brain.

Now when the world cup was on there was a question on Tripadvisor asking "Places to watch football", within that topic someone asked is there anywhere not showing it and i replied "yeah me" and to which one member asked "Are you Gay?". First of all what a stupid thing to say, not everyone likes football, not everyone likes sport full stop. It doesn't mean your gay cause your not showing football and to be honest football isn't the most manly of games anyway, coiffured hair, designer pastel coloured boots and if you breath to hard next to another player they go down like they've been shot and need to leave the field only to run back on fine 10 seconds later.

So for that brainless idiot on Tripadvisor this is why i didn't show the world cup.

England v Switzerland, Euro 2016 qualifier, No football, No TV's = Full Bar, i rest my case LOL.

Helen was here for another 2 week break which she thoroughly enjoyed with her little car and also with Rob, Richard, Trudy, Jackie and little Kel, such a happy little child and looks great in an Oceanic t-shirt LOL.
Once again due to me being so tired and the bar being so busy we didn't get to do much together but we did get to go out on the odd occasion for some lovely food which is always nice but she enjoyed her holiday.

STOP THE PRESS! There is a new food scandal, First there was horse meat burgers, then catfish being passed off as cod, now we have whale meat being passed on as chicken and i have the proof.

The evidence is clear for all to see, this chicken dipper is made from whale meat.

I love my honey Jack Daniels and Helen said she had me a bottle, GREAT! What the hell is that? Is that a real bottle? what is the point in a bottle the size of a small water bottle? It didn't even last 5 drinks, mind you, my measures as you know are rather large.

Another t-shirt from next years collection, quite proud of this one.

Little Kevin is almost fully recovered so i will take him on a road trip Sunday. He has had many get well messages and also a few presents. Georgia made him a mini Kevin out of those craze elastic bands for him to cuddle up to in bed and Brian and Penny bought him some Minion Haribos. Kevin says thank you for both the presents but he thinks eating the Haribos would feel like canabalism so i obliged him in polishing them off, NOM!

Few days buddy and we're on the road again.

On one of our days out for food we went to a beach called Marathia. To get to it it was a bit of a trek down a steep, rough terrain slope, a bit dodgy really, had to be real careful. At the bottom of the slope i spotted something. I think Steve Mcqueen must have been down here at some point, LOOK! its his bike from The Great Escape. Must have been his last attempt of escape. The Germans definitely wouldn't find him down here.

Marathia Beach, what a great find.

This is where we ate at Marathia Beach and i have to say the food was amazing. 15 Min's after this pic it chucked it down with a thunder storm just for good measure. The taverna is called "Votsalo", its No.1 on Tripadvisor.

Allot of you i will not see now till next season as your holidays have been and gone so just to keep you going here are a few pics of this seasons cocktails.

Here is Highway To Hell, this has been very popular indeed, maybe cause its one of the stronger cocktails but not the strongest. 

The classic Blue Lagoon, notice how it fades from light blue at the top to darker blue at the bottom, just like a lagoon, that's why its called, Blue Lagoon.

We have Whiskey in the Jar, here's Baileys in a bucket, For those who prefer a much much larger measure.

One of the biggest selling cocktails, the Screaming Orgasm, not just for ladies don't you know LOL.

New for this season the Strawberry Cheesecake, not really good on a diet.

And to finish off with, the world famous Banoffee Pie cocktail, this definitely is an after dinner cocktail.

Now you may think i don't dress them up that much with sparkly bits and hanging monkeys but as i always say "Its all about whats in the glass, not whats on it". You can dress a cocktail up to look amazing but if the drink inside that glass tastes like dish water it doesn't matter.
"You can dress a donkey up to look like a stallion but underneath its still a donkey"

On a coffee break i use many of the coffee shops in town. One of which is Bliss Art Cafe. On this particular day they had an artists exhibition of some of his paintings. Very good indeed but he seems to have a very keen interest in one aspect of art can you guess what it is? (That was definitely not a reference to you know who)

Yep, you guessed it, shading LOL.

On one of our lunchtimes out we went to a little taverna 5 Min's past Tsilivi down a little side street on the coast, it was called "Ambula Taverna". What a great location and lovely food, Lamb chops, Mixed salad and a fish platter, mmmmmmmmmmmm i can taste it now.

On the day of taking Helen to the airport i studied the departures board and bloody hell, where are these destinations, never heard of them, It used to be just UK airports, Athens, the Greek islands and Amsterdam, now i can't even pronounce them let alone know where they are:-

Timisoara, Domodedova, Charleroi, Iasi, Neapel, Katowice, and last but not least Ljubljana.

Now i like Pizza and this is a Pizza, but no ordinary Pizza, this is a meaty Buon Amici Pizza, mmmmmm.
Sorry about the piece missing but i just couldn't wait.

And just to make sure they are all just as a good, for research purposes of course i had the vegetarian pizza...........with meat. And as before i can confirm they are the best pizza's I've had on the island so far in my 14 years. Well done for earning the Kevlar "2 thumbs award".

I'm not allowing Kevin to read this update as i think he may go in to shock but on a restaurants menu i noticed that they were actually serving minions filleted. Poor Kevin, i think he would be devastated. They've even got hold of one of his Mexican relatives.

Now as you know, i love cereal, any time of day cereal is a good option for food. And i was talking with my good friends Ian and Lisa about a cereal that i hadn't seen for years, Golden Nuggets. Last night who should arrive back on the island, Ian and Lisa but this time they left their boys at home (they are old enough) and brought me a giant box of Golden nuggets in their place, i did reimburse them for the plane seat that the cereal took up.

And due to all my lovely customers bringing me out my king of cereal "Frosted Shreddies" i now have enough to keep me going through a nuclear war until the radioactivity dies down. mmmmmmmmmmmm
soggy frosted shreddies, HEAVEN! Notice the healthy option next to them, olive oil and balsamic vinegar, hmmm that's given me a food creation idea.

Well that's another 2 1/2 hours of sat in front of this laptop but i did have allot to catch up on and its for a good cause, to give you my loyal customers and friends something to read and hopefully a little chuckle on the way to brighten up your day.

So next week there will most definitely be another update after mine and Kevin's Sunday road Trip

So until then folks,

Serve All, Love all, Peace All, Kevlar Out!