Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Wetter than a fishes wet bits!

Well my lovely readers, how we all doing in this wet, grey and horrible land?
Its so horrible this weather with such heavy rain, even when I'm on my motorcycle the waterproofs are as much use as a paper umbrella stood under Niagara Falls.
Its been all work, work, work lately, Toys R Us is, well, Toys R Us nothing changes there. The Range is going really well and i enjoy it as I'm kept busy non stop or if they haven't got anything for me to do i find something to do, as you know my loyal subjects i can't stay still and do nothing it drives me insane. I think there are more pictures of Bigfoot than there are of me sitting down LOL. Over the past fortnight i have been asked lots more silly questions in store but one that keeps reoccurring is "Excuse me, do you work here?" as I'm stood there with a Navy t-shirt on with the orange "Range" logo embroidered on it with a navy badge with "The Range" on it in big white letters and my name. Most of the time people ask me this while I'm up a ladder, carrying heavy boxes or making up a display. The one time someone asked me "Excuse me, do you work here?" while i was in my uniform i replied "No sorry, i just like moving boxes around". its OK the customer got the joke.
As i was on my travels the other day, in fact i had stopped on my way home as i was almost blown off my motorbike in high winds. I came across a little village called Llanddarog where i noticed a sign saying "Best kept village 1961. 1971-73, 1986-87". Now i really don't get these types of signs. Its almost like saying "We took care of our village for these years but couldn't be arsed the others". There may be some people looking to move to the best kept village in Carmarthenshire and that sign may put people off.
The Gardner must be having an extended holiday since 1987 LOL.

Now as we all know on Zakynthos in my bar we have "Biscuit Club", sorry forgot I'm not allowed to talk about biscuit club. I was walking around a store in Carmarthen Town centre the other day and came across my all time favourite biscuits "Foxes Sports Biscuits" OH MY GOD! I used to love them with the little stick figures on them playing sports but to my horror they have now tried to put proper pictures on them, That's no fun. I have taken pictures of all the different ones and see if you can guess what sport the biscuits are depicting.

Now, i've just realised after uploading all these pictures Helen will now know that I've got a secret stash of biscuits somewhere in the house, BUGGER!
I got a new Smart TV the other week and its AWESOME! I can go on the net with it, use apps on it, plug an external hard drive in to it, use a keyboard & mouse through it and record programmes on it, basically its a huge computer on our wall. I was slightly disturbed by one app and its called MUTV (no not Man. Utd TV, now that would be real disturbing) no it stands for Music TV. There are lots of different music categories on it like reggae, pop, ballads and further down the pages i found Punk, brilliant! I clicked on it and to my absolute horror the first bands video in the punk section was Busted, bloody Busted! What the......, come on please anything but them. If that band is punk I'm going to throw all my punk vinyl out, how dare they smear the Punk religion with such a vile word, BUSTED, GOD HELP US! HA HA.
Been watching a TV show called "A Tale of Two Islands" its on ITV1 Thursdays at 10.30pm. I know its past some of your bedtimes LOL. You can catch up on it with ITV iplayer. Its really good but i think it doesn't show the real side of life on a Greek island as it seems to focus more on the rich side of it than the everyday life of a traditional Greek family or ex-pat. Its a bit to rose tinted glasses for me but still a good watch. This has spurred me on to finish my Docu-comedy that I've been writing over the past 2 years about a British gent who decides to pack up and move to Zakynthos to open a bar but it all goes horribly wrong showing all the pitfalls that i've seen of moving and opening a business abroad. I've taken all the bad experiences i know about from people i have met over the years of working abroad from my first time on Corfu in 1986 till now and rolled them in to the main character. So i will be trying to get it complete by April ready to send out draft copies to the TV companies to see if any interest. Lets just say it will be a sort of Spinal Tap about a business starter. "YEAH, BUT, IT GOES TO 11"
Well my beautiful blog followers that's it for another 14 days but if this rain carries on my next blog update may be about me building an Ark, make an orderly Que in pairs people LOL

Thursday, 8 November 2012


Now then. just to put things straight, I AM HESTON BLUMENTHAL! Only joking. He is my nemesis and it seems on Oceanic facebook page he is taking over that as well. well his name is ha ha. Helen has also showed me a video of me singing (CRINGE) i thought that had been put in room 101. I think that was in 2005/6 can't quite remember the exact date. I had organised a Zante meet up in Cardiff for members of the website JustZante. The site used to be very very busy at one point so i hired a room and a disco and posted on the website that everyone was welcome without any charge. I had a great response from members, looked as though it was going to be over 100 from the replies that i received. Guess how many showed up? Think there was about 14, cost me £300 in all for the room and disco and i wasn't charging to attend i just did it for a good night out. Well everyone who came had a good night, in fact we carried on back at the hotel till early hours of morning.

Talking of chefs or should i say cooks, Jamie Oliver isn't happy with 30 minute meals, oh no, he now does 15 minute meals. Well i can beat that, The 2 minute meal. i'll give you an example:-
1/ Find a delivery take away menu.
2/ Choose your food.
3/ Make the phone call.

Job done, that takes 2 minutes.

I've been home now 2 1/2 weeks and i have to say the weather hasn't been to bad except when its time to head off to work. As you know i can't drive a car and have a motorbike home here (driving lessons starting this month) but every bloody time i step outside my front door to go to work it rains, every bloody time. Its as though the gods are waiting for me to leave and for a joke decide to make it rain from when i leave the house until i get to work when it stops. Perfect timing. When I've got nowhere to go or nothing to do its sunny. Just my luck, eh!

Now remember i posted about some of the silly things people say in the bar well its just as bad in store where i work called The Range. So for your pleasure here are a few of the stupid questions i have been asked in my first 10 days of work.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where the bedside lamps are?"
We're stood in the bedside lamp section.
(we were stood in an aisle with about 50 bedside lamps)

"Will this Christmas star fit on the top of a Christmas tree?"
Yes madam, that's what its for, the top of a Christmas tree.
"Yes i know that but will it fit on mine?"
I don't know what tree you have.

(Lady holding a lamp)
"What bulb will fit this lamp?"
What fitting is inside the lamp?
"Its a small screw fitting"
There you go then, you got the answer.
"yes but what bulb fitting is it?"

"I bought these solar lights and they don't work"
Right, where did you have them fitted?
"In my bedroom around my headboard"
Where was the solar panel?
"Inside my room"
That's why they don't work.

(Woman holding a picture with price stuck on it)
"How much is this picture?"
The price is on it.
"That's the actual price?"
Yes, that's why the sticker is on it
"Thought it would have been cheaper"

God help me when it gets closer to Christmas and the store gets busier, i think i may have a stupidity breakdown LOL.

Went to Cardiff on Friday with my World Watched actor nephew Leighton Kyle (We've changed it from world famous as we found out no one knew him but people had most probably watched him LOL) to meet up with the football boys Daz, Tim and Ian. I missed out catching up with them last year but made sure i would meet up with them as soon as i got home. Always a good laugh when we meet up talking about important issues such as "My taste for vodka and cranberry" the conclusion from Daz was "I'm a girl". Jimmy Savile was a hot topic when revelations about Leighton had met him while in a children's hospital, Leighton got his autograph, don't think you'll get much for it on ebay now. Cardiff City's new red home kit and shirt badge that looks like a beer mat and not forgetting my appearance on Total Wipeout which Daz, Tim and Ian all agreed it was rubbish and i was crap. All i got to say is "yeah, but who got to meet Amanda? ME!"

On Saturday i then went to Cardiff City Centre with Helen to have a look around the shops and to get some fresh fish from Cardiff indoor market. On my way in to town i took a walk through the civic centre. Even though i was born and raised in Cardiff i don't think you actually appreciate where you live. In the very centre of the city there is Cathays Park with its war memorial and i was the only person in the park. It looks lovely with all the flowers and the sun shining. My house used to be 5 Min's walk from the centre of town.


As you step out the other side of the park directly in front of you is Cardiff City Hall. This building has appeared in many films and TV shows. The last film it appeared in starred Wesley Snipes and Doctor Who is filmed in and around this building as it covers a large area.

 Just Across the road from the City Hall you have Cardiff Castle. This has held many events over the years including Queen in the 70's with Freddie Mercury, Green Day, Robbie Williams and one of Joe Calzaghes world title fights. Its a bit of a rip off though just to walk around it £12 and that's without a tour guide.

All this is only 50 metres away from the heart of the shopping centre centre, thinking about Cardiff is an amazing city but after Friday night out the city centre nightlife has gone down hill. Local is better.
We went to the fish market and i have decided to try new fish and meats i haven't eaten before. So we shall start off with Shark meat. Not sure how i was meant to cook it so i went with the safest way and wrapped up in foil and cooked in oven. It had the texture of tender pork but tasted a bit like hake and would definately have it again. So have now decided to try Kangaroo, Zebra and Crocodile meat.

From town we went to IKEA. Oh Joy! As we arrived i forgot how big the store is. They are very clever these people. They have creatde a walkway that a hiker or rambler would be happy follow. It winds on for miles and miles, well it feels like. You have to walk past every single item that they sell. By the time i got the the stairs of the first floor to go down to ground floor i'd lost the will to live. All the items have stupid names like "Scoobilobon" or "Klippikluken", for god sake just say it as it is.
Now as you all know i like a bit of culture, i do a bit of oil painting, I've been to a few operas, browsed around art galleries and visited a couple of museums. In Cardiff Museum there is a copy of Michelangelos David. This is a beautiful statue. Its amazing that someone can sculpt such a life like figure out of stone. There is a reason for me showing you this.

While i was waiting for Helen outside a shop in Cardiff i noticed a guy, spray painted silver, standing still. Why? Below this person was a box for people to put money in, WHY? Now forgive me if I'm wrong but shouldn't you have to pay money for someone to do something? Hey, i'll take my living room chair outside CO-OP, i can sit still in that for hours. I mean come on. I've seen the ones in London but at least make an effort and look like an angel or a gladiator but look at what Cardiff has to offer, a guy in a second hand suit spray painted badly with a hat that looks like its just been run over, and he wants donations. My point is why pay for a guy standing still when there are loads and loads of real statues around Cardiff that look much better and they don't expect cash LOL.
Michelangelo and the other turtles must be fuming LOL.

Not done much else as its just been work and rain. Looking forward to the first part of Oceanic Tour. Starting in Leeds on Sunday 9th. The meet up is the night of the 9th at The Dry Dock in Leeds city centre from 8pm. Will then decide from there if we are moving on elsewhere.
So remember its every 2 weeks now the update ok my dedicated blog followers. Until then, Yes I am Welsh and no i can't say that welsh train station,
 " Llanfairpwllgwyngyll-gogerychwyrndrobwll-llantysilio-gogogoch "