Monday, 28 July 2014


Good morning, good morning, the sunshine is shinning bright, good morning, good morning, to you and you and you and you.

July is almost over and very unexpectedly it is now my best July. Very nice surprise indeed. Each night has been different, could never predict how the nights were going to turn out, sometimes empty early and busy late, next night busy early and busy late, other nights busy early and quiet late but always a busy time at some point. The nights are pretty consistent in May, June, Sept and Oct but July and Aug aaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

This week i had an experience that i haven't had for a loooooonnngggggg time. A group of 4 came in i would say aged between 20 to 25. They seemed to make themselves quite comfortable quite quickly. I approached them the same as anyone else who visits the bar and gave them the usual chat about the drinks. One told me to make them whatever as long as it was strong, the other asked is it the real stuff in the drinks, one told me what they wanted in their cocktail and the other was very pleasant and ordered a banoffee pie cocktail. All drinks were made and delivered to table along with the bill which in all came to 16€. They were a bit loud but not bothering anyone so just left them to it in the corner, if they had disturbed my customers i would have told them to calm it down but it didn't get to that. Then came the time to pay the bill. I had already clicked that they were workers, from where i didn't know so i asked them where they were staying and were they enjoying their holiday, the reply came "We work in Laganas and got a night off", my worker radar did not fail me.
They polished off all their drinks with not a drop left in the glasses. I could see they were looking strangely at the bill so i approached the table.

Me:- "Is everything alright?"
Strong cocktail guy:- "Is this right 16€?"
Me:- "Yes, 5 for my strongest cocktail which has 7 measures in it, 4 for the Banoffee Pie and 3.50 each for the other 2 cocktails"
Girl with her own cocktail:- "We work here!"
Me:- "Yes i know and well done for finding jobs in such a bad economic climate" (Think this bit of sarcasm went over their heads)
Strongest cocktail guy:- "Yeah but we work here do we get a workers discount?"
Me:- "No unfortunately, i only give discount in November" (Straight over their heads again)
Girl with her own cocktail:- "So we're paying the full price?"
Me:- "Yes, like any other of my customers"

That's where the conversation finished, coins got counted out, they up and left without even a goodbye just a dirty look.
It was like that "Do you know who i am?" moment.
Now i may be wrong but I'm sure the last time i looked my bar is called "Oceanic" not "Charity".
I've never ever asked for discount anywhere in 14 years on this island and in fact i always leave more than the drink costs out of respect for the owner of the business.
Ah well, doubt I'll see them again, never mind.

Minion Kevin, to the bike.
Yes its road trip time with my little buddy.

No Kevin that's my helmet get your own.

We decided to head off to the west coast for our first road trip to show him the sights.
I told him we would most probably stop for a swim somewhere. Kevin wanted a rubber ring and popped to shop to purchase one. He came back with a doughnut which he swore blind was sold to him by the shop owner as a rubber ring that looked like a doughnut. I told him no its definitely a doughnut but Kevin argued blind it was a rubber ring.

MUNCH! NOM! See, told you. Kevin was not amused.

Before we headed out West we stopped for my morning frappe, Kevin followed suit, BIG MISTAKE which i would find out later in the day.

Firstly i took Kevin to the largest Greek flag at Keri. I've been here 3 times to see it and this was the first time it was flying. I had been told it was the size of a football pitch, RUBBISH! At the most its the size of a very small 5 a-side pitch. Kevin wasn't impressed.

We decided to have a little break from the bike at this point and have another frappe at Keri Lighthouse Taverna. I forgot about what a rip off it was here, 4 euro for a frappe. Kevin joked was it made with one of those coffee beans that gets pooped out by a monkey. The waitress wasn't amused.

Here's me and Kevin having a laugh about tourists wearing budgie smugglers with sandals and socks, so not a good look but lots of them walking about the old road.

This is a restaurant called La Bruschetta near Keri beach on the way to the Lighthouse. I went here about 10 years ago and its still open which is great to see being as its quite far out in the sticks. Its most probably the best pasta restaurant I've eaten at on the island. I had Ravioli with an apricot and mince meat filling. It tasted amazing and it was freshly made pasta, not bought in. Shame it opens at 6.30pm, it seems i will never get to eat here again.

The view of Keri from La Bruschetta.

On our travels we passed by many places of interest for Kevin to browse over and here is the Monastery of Eleftherotria. Kevin asked if there were monks and nuns inside. I'm not really sure, I've never seen any. Kevin thought the monastery was made out of Lego, idiot!

Kevin made me stop so he could have his pic taken here, Nothing much to see, just a nice view. He's such a tourist.

Kevin liked the cross at Kampi. With me being a Reverend Kevin enquired why such a symbol as the cross which gave so much pain to Jebus was used as a symbol of the church. He was wondering why the symbol wasn't the star that led the wise men to Jebus or a donkey that carried Mary to Bethlehem, you know a nice symbol that's linked to Jebus. To this question i pondered for a moment and with all my Reverend wisdom i replied "Pass!"

I showed Kevin the Mycenaean tombs at Kampi. He promptly climbed in and thought the tombs were very spacious. How disrespectful of the dead, naughty Kevin.

As we carried on from Kampi we stopped off at the 5* all inclusive Grand Mabely hotel. I didn't presume we could use the pool so left our towels on the bike. I approached reception and asked if it was ok to come in for a coffee. The receptionist said yes that's fine and if i wanted to use the pool it was 10€. 10€! We weren't that desperate for a swim. We went in and ordered some coffee, that's 3 frappe's Kevin's had now.
Lovely hotel, very plush, but it was like a ghost hotel and its now July. Hardly anyone there. Also you could see that trade wasn't good as standards had slipped and furniture was stained and a bit tired, not what you'd expect in a 5* hotel, 4* more like now but not 5*.

Kevin at the empty pool that we had to pay 10€ to use which we didn't. Only 6 people at pool.

Very plush, but the sofa that Kevin is on had a huge drink stain on seating cushion, not a good look for  a 5* hotel.

For some strange reason there are 4 elephants outside the hotel. Why, i don't know but Kevin decided to go for a ride on one. Its a statue you cretin!

It was getting rather warm and having not had a swim i took Kevin off to the Ilaria Hotel. We set up our sunbeds and just chilled. Kevin wanted to be golden bronzed instead of golden yellow. I made sure he put factor 15 on to be safe.

 Minion Kevin even has the same taste in pool side drinks as me, Lemon Ice Tea. mmmmmmmmmmm!

The Ilaria Hotel Pool, beautiful, cold, huge, relaxing and no one there, well, there were 5 others. Such a shame.

As the day wore on the 3 coffees Kevin had drank kicked in and he became a hyper nightmare. Constantly blabbering on about all and nonsense, fidgeting on bike and basically doing my bloody head in. It actually got to the point where i screamed and told him to get off the bike, I've had enough you complete ass. I made him hitchhike the rest of the way home as Sunday is my only day of rest and he was making me stressed, so i had a lovely peaceful final leg of our road trip home. Get thumbing buddy.

Kevin the Minion giving me the middle finger as i drove off.

Due to Kevin having to find his own way home i didn't make him check out the mad axemans home but today as i rode in to town i popped and had a quick peek, OH MY GOD. The door was open. I quickly jumped back on the bike and hit the gas, my heart was thumping out my chest. Little Kevin is definitely going in before me when i send him there. Stay tuned for next weeks update, will Kevin make it back in one piece? Will there be a battle of epic proportion, Good V's Evil? And will that trainer attached to the body in the ground fit me? All will be revealed next week.

 Kevin the minion getting fouled, i was never like that when playing football

So until then my lovely, wonderful, super, amazing blog followers i shall bid the farewell.

Serve All, Love All. Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Saturday, 19 July 2014

OCEANIC, SEASON 8, EPISODE 7 "Now is the summer of our discontent"

Hello,good morning and welcome. Its been a while folks eh! Well don't you worry my little blog followers its back to an update a week again. Why has it been so long since my last one you ask, well Helen was here for 17 days, 17 days you've had to go without an update, you poor things.

Yes, we had a lovely time. Helen was out and about in her little car most of the time. We didn't do as much as we usually do but that's down to myself as I've been conserving my energy for the bar as its still busy and its been quite a draining season so far but we did have the odd day out and about on the bike and went for lunch a few times so we did spend some time together which was nice but business is business, I'm not on holiday, GOD I WISH LOL.

As you all know from my past seasons and updates July & August are always my worst months. Always been the same the past 7 years, in the past i have been sat in the bar till 10.30pm without anyone coming in. No need to get stressed though, as my past books show its the same every single season, i can even tell what each night is like, one night packed out, next night steady. I hate high season. In saying that, July at the  moment is great, still got a bum on every seat at one time or another during the night but early evening does drag a bit, roll on Sept and Oct. The problem with high season is people can stay at the pool and beach till 8pm which means they come out later and go straight  to eat and end up in bar later. Where as in May, June, Sept & Oct people come out earlier for pre-dinner drinks and then come back in after they've eaten. I'm not complaining though, its nice to do good trade within such a short space of time without having to drag out the night to the early hours.

My customer base this season is most probably only 20% regular yearly customers all the rest are new. My customers always tell me how they came to visit my bar and this is the breakdown, the most popular this season has been recommendation from people around the pool or in the hotel, secondly are people who have walked past the bar in the day time liked the look of it and came back, thirdly is Tripadvisor and fourthly is my blog & website. I've always said you can't beat word of mouth and the advertising is free, i like that part the best LOL. We paid for advertising when i was at Tropicana in Argassi. We did flyer's on the beach and Advertised in a brouchure. The flyer's and brouchure advert were vouchers for buy 1 get 1 Free at bar and 30% off your restaurant meal and do you know what, in 6 months we only had 11 vouchers back from the flyer's and brouchers. It didn't even pay for the paper we printed the flyer's on let alone the brochure add. An offer is only as good for the people who want it. If the people don't want it it won't make any difference, you can even end up losing out on the offer as your selling it off cheaper than its normal price. That's why from day 1 with Oceanic never done any offers or free shots, if people like the bar they will come in no matter what.

Have to clear up something at this point. at 12.30am every night i put my chain across the entrance and this is the reason.  In my first 2 years i would leave the entrance open but i would get people coming in late absolutely wasted who had never been in before and disturbing my customers who had been in there all night. My customers would quickly drink up and leave and i would be left having to deal with very drunk people who would keep me there for hours without drinking allot, also I've had 2 guys who came in alone fall asleep on the sofas without touching their drinks. So on the third season i started using the chain. Its almost like V.I.P. time LOL. My customers in the bar know they can still carry on drinking, Customers who have been in before at some point know they can still come in after the chain has gone across but anyone who has never been in before have to come back earlier the next day. I'm not that desperate to stay open late for a few extra euro, I'd prefer to have time to myself as the season is a very long hard 6 months, so every bit of time to myself helps.

So that's the bar chat over with, lets get on with the show. People have been loving my "Selfies" but i now have a travelling companion. As i told you a few updates ago that in the film "Despicable Me" there is a Minion called "Kevin", well guess what, the deaf sellers are selling Minion Kevin's and he lights up and changes colour just like my bar, although he does have more hair than me.
For the first time on the Oceanic blog Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls let me introduce to you my new road  and Selfie buddy Kevin the Minion.

From now on he will be taking my place in my Selfies wherever i go, so his first outing will be tomorrow as Sunday is the only day i get for relaxation and road trips.

Now i have to say that this year the splinter group of biscuit club (Lee, Emma, Jeanette, Nigel, Nikki, Andy, Debbie, Keith) was allot more pumped up for it than the founding members(Sam, Caz, Jackie, Justine,Helen,Cassy) who didn't get any biscuits at all. But i have found my ultimate biscuit so far for the island, my ultimate biscuit of all time is Foxes sports Biscuits i like the little pics on them, OH and Caramel chocolate digestives mmmmmmmmm, but on the island i now have Zoo biscuits,YAY!

Look and all the animals you get, a cat, horse, owl, heffalump, another horse, turtle, ram, rhino, bear, camel, lion and rabbit. Very disappointed though as no Squizzels, i like squizzels, they so cute with their bushy tails waving behind them as they run away from me trying to catch one to cuddle a stroke, i want to pet him and hug him and squeeze him and stroke him, aww he so pruurty, LOL.

So, on one of our days out we went to Xigia beach. Lovely cove beach but a bit a of hike down to it so we just sat at the top and had a coffee but i did notice something.

Here we have a home made dumb waiter to send drinks down to the beach from the snack shack up above it. What a great idea. So if they can do it with drinks why can't they do it with tourists. Just sit them in the basket and wind them down or for the more adventurous set up a zip line and let them speed down the line and land on a sunbed.

I'd definitely take the zip line route, look at all those stairs you got to go down, to much like hard work in this heat.

Now a day out wouldn't be the same without at least one lunch at The Green Boat. I just love this place. You get great food and good value for money. All fresh and cooked to perfection, i could eat here every day but i think i may not be able to run around the bar at night due to the 20 stone i had put on. This is real eating.

Now I'm a bit confused at this point. As we were on our way to a festival in Macherado i came across this road sign

So i didn't really know why it was here as never seen a road sign like it before.
Does it mean that there is a deaf village ahead In which case you can be as loud as you want or you have to know sign language?
Does it mean you have to be quiet in the village?
Does it mean only deaf people allowed past this sign?
or have they just got the sign wrong thinking its a sign for a large curve in the road or half a roundabout?

On another day we went to my favourite beach "Donkey Beach" just past Tsilivi. Its lovely there and they have a great little beach side snack shack. On one of the snack shacks storage buildings there was a painting of a donkey being as its on donkey beach but was bit alarmed when i looked closer. Why has the donkey got a set of gentleman vegetables sticking out of its neck? Odd indeed.

I am still getting asked about the mad axeman, so tomorrow i am sending Minion Kevin back to the axemans shack to check it out. If neither of us update the blog next week you know whats happened. Wish us luck.

I have now been awarded my third Tripadvisor 5 star certificate for excellence and have now been No.1 on Tripadvisor for 5 years. I never set up the bar for achievments and recognition, i set it up just for tourists to enjoy, thats it, nothing more than that. So i'd like to thank a little lad by the name of Richard for posting my first ever review on Tripadvisor and starting the ball rolling, thank you sir. 

So folks I'm back with you again and until next week (hopefully),

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!