Tuesday, 23 January 2018

Its time to tell you all the truth, i can't live a lie.

Friends, customers and blog followers, its time for me to come clean. For years I've been living a lie. I've been lying to myself, my family, my friends, my customers and to my blog followers and I'm so so sorry for doing so. Today i thought it was time to stop living a lie and open up to you all and it will take a weight off my shoulders, so here goes.
I'm short. I know i know, its been hard for me to come to terms with but it's even harder to keep lying to you. I'm only 5'5"  (1.65m), i am NOT 5'6" (1.68m), please forgive me. Phew! I feel so much better after getting that off my chest, thank you all so much for understanding.

Well HAPPY NEW YEAR! and no sooner we're over one holiday the advertising starts for Easter. Well, its only just round the corner after all, 4 MONTHS away.

Hey, hey folks, its all good so far with the start of a new year, 2018 and i hope its all good with you also.

Not really done much since my last update, just been resting my weary little limbs, well, after all i had nearly worked solidly for 8 months. in fact out of 245 days from May till end of December i had worked 234 days, that's just 11 days off, some people get that amount of days off in a month. One thing I'm not is work shy. In fact I'm now looking for a part time job as I'm so restless doing nothing it kills me.

I've been for my yearly medical M.O.T. and its perfect, resting heart rate and BP is that of an athlete, yeah, that surprised me as much as you and my BMI is also spot on. Always have this just in case I'm needed for a medical study at short notice.

So what news do i have. NONE!

So lets have a look over what's been going on in the world through the news, sport and papers. Where do i start, most of it winds me up so i try not to read or watch anything but its difficult.

Lets start with Mr. Flip-top Hair. Who doesn't love Trump and i don't mean in a heartfelt way. He is like the real version of Homer Simpson. There is no filter from brain to mouth and I'm sure he doesn't understand anything that's going on in the world. Can you remember, if you've ever watched Father Ted, where Father Ted is trying to explain to Father Dougal that the toy cow he was holding was small and the real cow they were looking at was far away. That's how i envisage that Donald Trumps aides have to talk to him. I can't wait for the mid-term vote to see how much the voting has changed.

Reality TV:
Now i don't watch it but there is always something on front page of MSN, Yahoo etc etc so you can't get away from it. So i decided to look in to it as some of these programmes are called "Celebrity". Now then, in my mind a celebrity is a well known household name that perhaps 80% of people would know, for example, Rowan Atkinson, Gary Barlow, Ed Sheeran, Dawn French, Mel C, Lady GaGa, Gordon Ramsay, Mary Berry, Jesy Nelson, Harry Styles. Most people you would agree would have heard of these people in some way whether your young or old, even i didn't have to look them up, i know who they are and I'm crap with names.
Right, so here are the "Celebrities" on Celeb Big Brother and Dancing on Ice, here we go. Kem Cetinay?? Stephanie Waring?? Candice Brown?? Jake Quickenden?? Andrew Brady?? Rachel Johnson?? Jonny Mitchell?? Courtney Act?? Malika Haqq???????????????????????????????????????
What? Who? Where? Now i don't live under a rock and watch very little TV but I've still heard of many celebrities. I've never seen them on TV or listened them but due to news or chat i know of people. The Nine i have listed above which are almost half of the people on both shows i haven't got a clue who they are but i thought I'd look them up..................................They are nobodies. Definitely not celebrities. If they are celebrities then I've got just as much right to use that label as i was on Total Wipeout but of course i won't use it because "I'M NOT A CELEBRITY, NEITHER ARE THEY". Reality TV contestants, friends and family of someone famous can no way be classed as a celebrity.
If people watching these shows actually think these Z Lister's are celebrities cause they've opened a summer fete or have judged a biggest marrow competition then I'm sorry your sadly wrong.

Its been going on that long that if it wasn't in the news constantly no one would even remember it happened and lets be honest, everyone still doesn't know what the hell is going on.

Star Wars:
The Last Jedi. No spoilers here. If you added Ewan McGregor's Obi-Wan and Hayden Christensen's Anakin Skywalker i don't think it could of got less dull and bland.

Internet viewing:
Brilliant, captivating, gripping viewing "60 days in". I found this on line and there are 4 seasons of it and its so good. I'm only half way through first season but i just can't stop watching it once i put it on i just want to watch the next episode straight away. It takes normal everyday people who do normal jobs or are stay at home parents and put them in to a high security jail as undercover inmates, only the Jail warden and top jail sheriff know they are there, not one other officer or worker or inmate know who they are and they are treated the same as all the other inmates, killers, rapists, thugs and thieves.. They have been put in there to find out what activity is going on and for feedback after 60 days inside on what could be done to stop it and help the prison. If you can download it or watch it on line i highly recommend it.

A referee In Ligue 1 in France kicked a player for knocking him over.
I think referees should be allowed to do this at least once to a player in every match as a test.
Lets face it, the modern day player on £250,000 a week with slippers for football boots and immaculate Nivea complexion (other men's skin care products are available) trips over a worm if it pops its head out the ground, so referees should be able to test with a kick how easily they do actually go down. When you watch the video the player doesn't even stumble after being kicked but if that was in the penalty area and kicked by a opposition player they would go down like they been shot by a sniper.


As the old ice hockey saying goes:-

And on the subject of ice hockey my very own Cardiff Devils has a very famous supporter, Mr Vince Vaughn.
Here is Vince wearing his Cardiff Devils jersey in his GQ magazine shoot.

I kid you not, that's a Devils shirt, the blue advertising on the shoulder is Cardiff Met.

Nationwide, Sisters singing.
Please, please, please, shoot me now. The most annoying adverts of all time. I just want to smash my TV. Go Compare has nothing on these two irritating earwigs.

As you know i love the live music. My motto is "If its not live its not music" or is it "If its not a band playing live its not music" or then again did i say "Live is alive, mime is a crime" it could have been "backing track is kak, bring live music back". I really can't remember to be honest but they all sound good to me.
Back on topic, myself and Leighton Kyle my Ex-actor/Drama teacher nephew went to see The Smyths at The Globe in Cardiff.
Here's a fact for you, The Globe used to be a cinema many, many years ago and was nicknamed "The Flea Pit", I don't think i have to explain why. It was here i saw the cult movie classic "The Warriors". Now then, this is the amazing part I'm 49 now and 5'5" (we know the truth now about my height) but i got in to see a x certificate film at the age of 11, yes folks, me, shorter than i am now, with skinhead haircut, Dr. Martins, bleached jeans and harrington jacket was accepted in to watch a violent adult  film. That's why "The Flea Pit" was what it was. God bless The Flea Pit.
So back to present day. We had seen The Smyths before but this time they were also going to play Morrissey's solo material.
We got prime seats on the balcony at the front and were set ready with our tins on San Miguel (4 for £12). The lights dim and the band entered stage right. It is with great sadness that i never got to see the Original band but i can honestly say if you closed your eyes and listened to the sad, wandering, soothing but satirical lyrics and masterfully crafted melodies you wouldn't know that it was a tribute band.
They played through the solo material first which didn't seem to get as good a reaction as The Smiths songs but with songs such as "Everyday is like Sunday", "Suedehead" and "Last of the famous" how could they not be greeted with as much applause  and ovation. They continued on with seamless ease in to "There is a light that never goes out" which carries one of my all time favourite lyrics "And if a double-decker bus ,Crashes into us, To die by your side Is such a heavenly way to die" . Follow that with all the other classics such as "The boy with a thorn in his side" and finishing with "How soon is now?" what wasn't there to like about this gig. Well, apart from one song "That joke isn't funny anymore", I wanted to throw myself off the balcony at that point, to quote The Smiths themselves after listening to that song "Heaven knows I'm miserable now". Can't complain really, a 27 song set list, all played live with no backing track, only one dull song. I look forward to the next gig.

Note to self: Get a proper camera.

Its amazing to know that Morrissey and Johnny Marr never wrote the Smiths songs together in the same room. In a interview i heard with Johnny Marr Johnny would record the music idea he had on a tape then post it to Morrisey to write the lyrics and arrange the melody. Then it was tweaked back and forth. Now that's pure music talent.

Well i think I've covered all avenues, Politics, TV, UK, Films, Streaming, Sport, Advertising and Music. No need for anything else really, I'm happy with it.
NOPE! forgot one thing...........how could i forget...........

Food & Drink:
A couple from Worcester had their wedding reception in.............wait for it..........a KFC!
How freaking cool is that? You can stick your Scottish Castles, far flung AI resorts, 3 Michelin Star restaurants and Marquee in a stately home with swans roaming round in my bucket.
Can you imagine. For £15 per head you get a bargain bucket each. For £15 per head in any of the fancy places above you get a single Vol-au-vent wannabe called a Amuse Bouche.
I want a invite to anybody who has their reception in a KFC, the chicken gravy is on me!

And here is the proof

Best food I've ever seen, a Yorkshire pudding wrap, Nom Nom Nom, yummy!

And to finish, a cocktail you will never see on my menu, Avocado Cocktail.
Vodka with other stuff and fresh avocado puree or as i prefer to call the drink "Snot in my bar", its a play on words, get it?

There we are folks another fun packed update. Hope it will keep you going for now.

So until next time...........................

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!