Thursday, 12 July 2018

Dear Diary.....12th July 2018

Dear Diary.....12th July 2018

Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day. Only 3 hours sleep but i feel so good today.
Got in at 3am from bar and had to console myself with food after England's loss.
Should i have cold macaroni cheese or Foot long hot dogs? I'll have both.

Note to self, never have cold macaroni cheese ever again.

People have asked why am i writing diary entries on my blog, well, the My Little Pony secret diary with lock i have is full now so its cheaper to write it on here.

Diary, July has been the most strangest I've known so far in my 12 years. 3 nights ago i had my best ever July night in 12 years, 2 nights ago i had my worst ever July night in 12 years and last night with the football it was OK, better than i thought but still not great. Some bars didn't even open last night, don't get that. Its so erratic i never know what I'm gonna get. That could be a classic line for a film.

I think the covers for my director chairs have gone in to shock after being washed at the start of the season. They are slowly one by one splitting. I have ordered 20 brand new covers to replace all of them but in good old typical Greek style what should have been with me 2 weeks ago has now been 3 weeks wait and still not here. The covers have to be made to order as my director chairs are executive ones not cheap and wobbly ones. Maybe by Sunday they said, we'll see.

I know what your thinking diary, you think I'm going to have a good laugh at England going out of the World Cup, not at all. They did amazing for such a young team, not that i watched one single match of the world cup, i never watched any of the Wales games in the last Euros. International football has no interest for me at all, now rugby, that's a different matter.
In saying that English people do get very defencive when i joke about their team. They say things like "We won the world cup in '66, what have you won?". Strange how they want to compare me to the England football team but here we go in chronological order:-

1978 - Best drawing for St. Davids Day in Wales - Certificate presented to me by Prime Minister
           James Callaghan

           Winner of Afternoon tea with Bernard Bresslaw from Carry On at my Junior School as most
           knowledge of Carry On films (wasted youth)

1979 - Bronze Life Saving Swimming certificate for saving a brick from drowning while wearing
           my pyjamas

1980 - Boys Brigade badges for Sport, Camping, First Aid and Needle Work?

1981 - Winner of Best fancy dress as Adam Ant (Dandy highwayman with real pistol) for Charles
            and Di's wedding street party.

1983 - Cathay's Community Centre Darts Champion

1984 - Cardiff City Centre Hula-hoop champion sponsored by Hula-Hoops presented by
           Chico Johnson (only 3 entered competition on Queen street)

           Cathay's Rugby Team Player of the year

1986 - Sophia Gardens Sports Institute Anniversary Field Hockey Champions with Llandaff
           (Net minder)
           South Wales Field Hockey Champions with Llandaff (Net minder)
           Wales Field Hockey Champions with Llandaff (Net minder)
1987 - Tri-Nations British Field Hockey Champions with Wales (Net minder)

1991 - Hope All Stars Baseball team Club man of the year

1996 - M.G.M.E.F.C. Top Goal Scorer

1997 - Gretzkys F.C, Top Goal Scorer & Player of the year

1998 - Gretzkys F.C. Top Goal Scorer, Club man of the year & Player of the year

1999 - The Heath F.C Top Goal Scorer

And i have the silverware in the UK to prove it..

So, there you go, that's what I've won. Now if they had said what have Wales Football won well that's easy, nothing, their rubbish.

Its not all bad news England fans, i got great news for you, I bet on France 7-1 or Croatia 16-1 to win the world cup outright, see, its not all bad England, its a Win-Win final, Hoorah for me!

The face of English football supporters at 2.30am at the Cavo Doro......well, the top of the head.

Christmas begins earlier and earlier each year when really its only one day, Jebus's birthday. Zakynthos has taken it way to far this year. Its the 12th July and Christmas puddings are on the shelves, i kid ye not.

So we have quite a few readers in Russia this July, most probably waiting on my diary entry about the World Cup and Canada must be Ice Hockey fans and to the 3 Australian readers, "G'day Cobber, tie me kangaroo down sport".

Time to go diary as i have washing to put out then chill before work.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Monday, 2 July 2018

Dear Diary.....29th June 2018

Dear Diary.....29th June 2018

Rise and shine at 6.45am after falling asleep at 4.30am, i must drink more Jack Daniels before bedtime.

Another capacity crowd at Stadio dei Oceanic for the football England V Belgium even though i wasn't showing it. People always say to me "You'll be quiet tonight with England playing" but this isn't the case. Not everyone is from England, not everyone likes football and not everyone wants to be sat in a bar with just football commentary on. With Oceanic being the only business in Kalamaki without a TV then those people have only one choice.

Felt very hungry when i got home this morning and really fancied beans on toast, Beans? Check! Bread? Check. Think i will add a little something just to give it some extra taste, Chopped tomatoes. That will do. No, its missing something, Meat. Sliced hot dog it is. Dish is looking a bit bland. Kidney beans, ah yes, they always look good in a dish. Still doesn't look right. Gigantes beans in tomato sauce, that's whats missing. Not sure but the dish is looking a bit flat. Meatballs, yes, that's the missing part of the dish, meatballs in tomato sauce. Now it tastes to tomatoeeee. Red hot chili flakes, Eureka! I've created a monster!

Monster on toast.

This pot of Ready, Steady Cook ingredients i think will last me a week, i hope i never see a bean ever again.

Remembered today what the bar in my dreams reminds me of, its the banqueting hall from the Hogwarts in the Harry Potter movies. The filament hanging bulbs look like the floating candles and the dark wood are like the huge tables. So if you put cocktails and Hogwarts together you have the name of the bar "Cockwarts",  YAY!. Hmm...........oooooh, right..............did not think that through. Doesn't really need a name, its just a dream, scrap giving it a name.

Rain and storms seem to be easing up which is great news for the tourists. Every night I'm getting asked "whats the weather going to be like tomorrow?", I run a bar I'm not Michael Fish.

Biscuit has still not returned. Not seen my landlord for over month so haven't asked him. Have decided to put up missing Goat posters hoping it will jog someones memory. I have added myself to the poster so people will know who to contact.

I know i look allot fatter in my drawing and Biscuit looks like a reindeer but people will know who it is.

What will the bar bring tonight. Can't wait till tomorrow for my early close Saturday. Every Saturday last drinks are midnight, everyone out by 1am. Better to give myself a few hours after work to chill out in town than to close for a whole day off. Make mine a pint with a Jack Daniels honey chaser. Here's to Saturday nights. Bring it on!

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Wednesday, 27 June 2018

Dear Diary.....26th June 2018

Dear Diary.....26th June 2018

Got to bed at 3.30am after a crazy hectic night in the bar. Even with a power cut in the resort for an hour and monsoon rain the bar was full to bursting due to losing outside seating space because of the bad weather. Thanks to my mega super roof all chairs were still available.

I awoke at 4.30am to the sound of metal grinding. Bleary eyed i walked to fan to see what the noise was. That's a electrical fan not a crazy stalker fan sat in the corner of my bedroom rocking back and forth. I had a stalker for 10 years but that's another story. Turned the fan off thinking the motor was grinding. The sound continued which confused me. Then i realised it was crazy big old fat rain hitting my metal roof on my balcony, turned fan back on and crawled back in to bed, stupid rain.

Rise and shine at 6.30am, this is madness my sleeping pattern.

Big black cloud is everywhere with thunder and lightning, it looks like a U2 video. What to do today, can't go out as running out of dry trainers, don't want to be sat in a coffee shop still wearing my all in one weather proof motorcycle suit as it takes ages to get out of it then ages to get back in to it, people may think i have a serious bladder problem if i stayed sat in it.

I'll watch a film. 15 Min's and I'm bored, turn it off. I'll watch a TV series, Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, classic. 2 episodes and lose concentration, turn it off. Look out from house, rain and black skies, bugger. Time to clean the house. That took all of 10 Min's as always keep the house clean, good grief, whats the time? 9.30am. This is going to be a long day.

I try to go back to sleep. Half an hours sleep and awake again. 10am. I have a reoccurring dream of running a bar in a old church. It is all dark carved polished wood with filament bulbs for low lighting, looks great. Had about 7 dreams of same bar but each dream is a different night but bar always the same, weird. Had a dream of the bar again in my short slumber and this time it had a returning customer i had banned him in a previous dream but he wanted to come back in on a different night as it was his mates birthday, i told him no. The cheek of it, when your banned your banned. Some people.

Watch the rain from the balcony for half an hour and stood out in it just in a pair of shorts, feels quite nice, don't know what all the tourists are moaning about, its still warm.

Think I'll try to sleep on the sofa. Not happening. constantly feel like i have itchy skin. I look for ants. Can't find them. I now think the are super mutant ants using mind games so i can't settle. I will wipe you out, do not think you will win this war.

Go back to bed. Can hear the rain outside. I close the windows. Can still hear the rain outside. I close all the doors. Can still hear the rain outside. I open all the windows and doors and have a shower. Rain outside shower inside, water water everywhere, not going to win today am i?
Still only 1pm aaaaggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

Flick between, TV and films all afternoon. 5pm, may as well go to bar. Guess what? Its still raining.

Bar is all nice and dry in under roof, brilliant.

Open at 7pm and bar full by 8.30pm, customers turning up in taxis, that's dedication for you. I'm amazed.

Great night considering its been horrible all day and night but still raining as i make my way home.
Please no more rain as only got one pair of trainers left, 4 are on the line drying. Maybe i should ride barefoot, OUCH!, i think not but then again i could file my toenails down on the tarmac as i go.

Whats for supper? Cold hot dogs and smooth Branston pickle on toast with a mini chocolate croissant for dessert. I know how to live, life of luxury.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Saturday, 23 June 2018

Dear Diary.....19th June 2018

Dear Diary.....19th June 2018

I'm going to use a different wake up saying every entry if possible. Up with the larks at 6.15am.  At this rate i will not be sleeping at all, after all i only got to sleep at 4.30am. I have gone 96 hours without sleep in 1994 but not advised if I'm being honest as i got banned from the only bar open in Hersonissos, Crete called "The Black Cat" before the season started for spraying beer as i thought i was James Hunt (Google him) and i started to hallucinate that Medusa the Gorgon was after me after seeing a sign for a club called Medusa.

Decided to have myself another pool day. Am i being a bit extravagant? 2 pool days in a month?
All bar chores done by 9.30am and at the pool 9.45am. Still no one there but not complaining, pool all to myself.
Sunbathed for 45 Min's, time for a dip. Sat at edge of pool and heard a "plop" next to me. Looked in the pool and saw a frog at the bottom.
What is it with me, pools and insects/reptiles committing suicide whenever i decide to go for a swim.
Remembered, frogs are amphibious so i watched it swim. Was going to follow it around pool edge to see how it got out but may have looked odd. Perhaps i should swim after it to see what it will do next but then saw it could swim faster and better than me. I'll just flop in and swim opposite direction. How will it get out on those ladders? I have a problem using the pool ladders with my short legs, that frog got no chance.

11am and I've had enough. Riding home and got stung in the centre of my chest by another black stingy thing, both hands got pins and needles instantly. These black stingy things are starting to annoy me.

Swept through house and found a rogue ant from the gang that are hiding somewhere. Picked it up to take a closer look. It is an ant but not a normal colour or looking one, fast little bugger, one clap and ant no more. Not so smart now are you.

Time for work. What will tonight bring. World cup has had no effect whatsoever on the bar but there again everywhere else is showing it, if you don't want football only one place without it, Oceanic. A few others said they weren't going to show it but they've given in.

Home and time for supper, Gruel or Frosted Shreddies? If i had been in the workhouse in Dickens times i could of survived easily, Gruel is great, just one teaspoon of sugar and I'd be happy. I am eating it allot though.
No, i got some black pudding and beans, I'm eating in style tonight.

Cause i have made cold beans on top of hot black pudding people will be thinking eeeewwww! If Heston or Gordon had made it they're a genius and you'd pay £200 for it just cause they made it. Some people are so fickle.

I think I'll try to use a new word every day.
Because i made black pudding and beans and it wasn't Heston or Gordon my dish is Floccinaucinihilipilification.
That's a very long word, will never remember that.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Sunday, 17 June 2018

Dear Diary........13th June 2018

Dear Diary........13th June 2018

An amazing weekend over with and off she goes back to the UK after celebrating her birthday on Saturday with a trip all around the island on the bike, lunch of fresh fish at Kampi Cross Taverna and closed bar early (midnight) for a night out in Zakynthos Town, great day, not long till she's back, can't wait.

I alighted from my bed at 6.30 am, bugger, what do i do now?

UK motorbike needed a service and clutch cable had snapped so being as I'm awake may as well push bike in to town while cool.
Good job i keep myself fit, pushing this bike 3km would be a killer, its so heavy.
A puppy of about 5 months is barking at me from side of road, really cute, so i try to call it over. It won't come. Another larger dog appears, and another and another, the fourth is quite big and doesn't look happy, i don't mean it looked sad, it looked mental angry. Time to push bike quicker. They follow barking and jumping at other side of road. I push quicker, they follow. I run. they follow, this went on for 1.5 km.
I remember reading a news article about a man that had been torn apart by stray dogs but left his torso. If i was a dog it eat the torso. On a chicken everyone wants the body meat not the legs and wings, why would the dogs want the legs and arms and leave the torso? Stop thinking about them leaving your torso. Bugger, no water or money. Mouth really dry. Bet those dogs have water.

Get to bike shop but doesn't open till 10, time is now 8am. Will walk back and come back in on other bike later. Decided not to walk as dogs may bully me again. TAXI!

10am i go to garage, i tell my mechanic to sort everything that needs sorting on bike. I tell him to take his time and will pick it up Monday. He tells me to come back at midday on Monday, not 11am. That's very specific for a Greek.

Time for bar chores. Visited the same shop where the begging child was. Parked next to shop to save getting pestered. The car park is huge and empty. Are there people in this world who don't know what a parking space is for? There is always someone who parks anywhere, this time a car on a disabled wheelchair area and a bike in the middle of the lane. I was amazed to find out a Zakynthian friend of mine has been driving a car without taking a test for 20 years. His reply was "If the police don't stop and fine someone for pulling barriers out of the road to get on to pedestrian area, why would they stop me?". There is logic in that reply somewhere.

Back home sat on balcony and Biscuit has gone. Will have to ask landlord where he has taken him. Watched an ant. Do they actually have a purpose with their day? This ant was all over the place. Left, right then left again then a circle, then straight then right then left. Do ants get sunstroke? It definitely seemed dazed and confused. I would have helped it but i didn't know where it wanted to go.

Bar was extremely busy once again. It will be nice to have a quiet steady one one night. Body is feeling the pace already. Will have to start my 4 bath routine early this year when i get in from work to help with cramping. Hot bath, Cold bath, Hot bath, Cold bath, bed. What a pain in the ass.

Whats for supper? Gruel or Weetabix. Gruel is becoming an addiction but will go cold turkey tonight. I don't mean I'm going to eat cold turkey i mean I'm going without gruel and having weetabix.

Wednesday, 13 June 2018

Dear Diary........6th June 2018

I arose bright eyed and bushy tailed at a stupid 6.30 am after only 2 hours sleep. Make mental note drink more Jack Daniels before bedtime.

Decided to give the house a good sweep through. Still can't find the ant lair. Very frustrating.

Went shopping at 8am. Parked the bike up and walked across car park. As i walked a little girl about 9-10 walked with me begging as we walked, she looked hungry, sad and tired. I put my hand in my pocket to get out a euro and then i noticed something. As i looked down at my pocket i saw that the girl had a new pair of Nike air force one trainers on. Any beggar who can afford a better pair of trainers than i can doesn't need my money. Talk to the hand as your getting nothing, NAH!
In the UK i always look at homeless peoples shoes, that's a good sign. Also seen a few using Apple I phones, Where do they recharge them? Where is the address for a contract phone? and how can they afford it if homeless?

Went for a early morning coffee. Underneath a seat i saw a little puppy that was sleeping, wish i was sleeping. When she woke and opened her eyes she had one light blue eye and one brown eye, In my head i called her Bowie. Aren't dogs with light blue eyes (apart from huskies) mental?
Didn't stroke her to find out.

Gin is the mad craze this year, next year it will be something else, these drink popularity always die out, it was Mojitos last year. I served a lady a Tanqueray London Dry gin with a slice of lime tonight, anyone would have thought i had shot her dog by the look on her face when i gave it to her. She berated me for serving it with a lime and not a orange slice "Tanqueray is always with a orange slice", i apologised as I'm no gin expert and replaced her drink no problem. She returned 2 more times with her husband and we got on fine after that.
Bar was very busy again tonight, not complaining and as from Saturday its Midnight close every Saturday from then on, better to have a few hours chill out in Zakynthos town after i close than to close for a full day.
Got home and checked out what should be served with Tanqueray London Dry Gin on the official Tanqueray website, the accompanying slice of fruit is in fact a lime it stated, So i was right with lime, back of the net.

Gruel for supper. Will be so glad when Iceland opens. Won't sleep much due to a certain arrival tomorrow, can't wait.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

Dear Diary.......3rd June 2018

Sunday 3rd June 2018, day of rest.

Today is the first day i ventured to the pool since i arrived on the 8th April.

Arrived 9.30 am to a empty pool area, pick of the sunbeds for me, just how i like it.

Front of body first today then back the next time i come to pool.

After half an hour i decided to have a dip in the pool. After 2 long widths of doggy paddle it was time to rest at the side of the pool staying in the water.

Watched a wasp hover by pool side then commit suicide by plunging itself in to the water. What does a wasp have to be depressed about or did it just get tired and fall in to pool?
I thought of rescuing it but it would only sting me if i did, no gratitude at all.
I've been stung 4 times this season while riding my bike by little black flying insects, one sting on my left shoulder gave my hand pins and needles.
Some of the wasps and flying stingy things have got caught inside my shirt, I've tried to release them from my shirt before they sting me so they are free but they always sting me, ungrateful little blighters.
The human equivalent would be someone stuck in a toilet and a nice person trying to free you, when they do get you out you then punch that person in the face, no gratitude.

90 mins later i'm ready to go. After all i do have 6 months to get a tan and your skin will only tan to a certain colour anyway so whats the point in tanning day after day all day once your at your peak colour?

As i left there was only one other person at pool. Is this hotel haunted?

Time for lunch, do i have oats and cold milk (think that's called Gruel) or noodle roll? Gruel it is as to hot for a oriental noodle bag in fresh rolls.

The second most exciting thing to ever happen to me on this island is happening soon, Iceland supermarket is opening. I can eat as much crap quick frozen food as i like. Excited beyond belief. The first most exciting thing is my partner arrives Thursday.

Off to work i go, Biscuit fed, CHECK. Never sure how Sundays will be what with big change over day, really hit or miss.
My oh my, tonight was a huge HIT. Would think of getting help but i can cope with 42 customers by myself so why pay for staff. Also i'm a tight ass.

Home time, What to have for supper? Gruel or Pot Pasta. Gruel it is. Started to think of the film Oliver Twist, don't know why.

Time for bed, what do i watch to fall asleep to, Inbetweeners, Family Guy, Toast of London or Alan Partridge? Family Guy as have over 100 episodes so should fall asleep at some point with that many.

Added another song to my songs of the season, an old one but a classic i think you'll agree.

All i can can say after watching that clip is, My Oh My what are they wearing? Also doesn't the lead singer look like the bad guy Sensei John Kreese out of Karate kid.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Friday, 1 June 2018

Dear diary..........30th May 2018

30th May 2018

Got to bed at 3.30am, Great night in bar and totally exhausted. When will they experiment with full body transplant?

Woke up at 5am. Why do people write "Woke up" in diaries? If i hadn't I'd be dead and i wouldn't be writing my diary.
Woke up 5AM with intense stomach cramp, not sure why, hadn't eaten anything weird or re-heated. Wanted to be ill but just wasn't happening. Sat in bathroom for an hour.
Why do toes move? I watched my toes while sat in bathroom. I wasn't thinking "Move toes" but they were moving. I know i have to move my legs as that makes me walk but why do toes move by themselves?
Looking at my feet they seem in very good condition considering every toe in both feet has been broken at some point. One person once said my feet look like a Hobbits feet. Did that person know something i didn't? Aren't Hobbits fictional creatures?

Got back to bed at 7AM to try to get a little more sleep.
Woke back up at 9AM bursting for a wee. As i wee'd my water went from the normal colour to red. With the intense stomach cramp and red wee have i got internal problems? I started to panic. Then i remembered i had  had a fresh beetroot sandwich the day before, Phew, panic over.

Noticed many ants around the house lately so i have set up a devious cunning plan. I will place a sugar hill on the floor, follow the trail of ants to their lair and wipe them out once and for all. That will show them.

Decided to get my stock then rest for the day after my stomach cramp and beetroot trauma.

Biscuit is outside calling, he will have to wait till its his treat time which is 5.30PM before i head to bar.

Didn't sleep much as stomach was shouting at me. My stomach is so loud when it grumbles, sounds like a bubbling pot in a huge cave. Amazing how much noise a 30" waistline can make. Must google why stomachs rumble.

Something else that has me perplexed. In all adverts and TV programmes cockerels crow at dawn, so how come my 4 cockerels can't tell the time? Morning, afternoon and night its "cocka doodle doin". Is there a way to reset their body clock?

Time for work, feel much better but not eaten, one square of chocolate for some sugar and peach ice tea for fluids. Wee is now back to normal colour.

Bar was much quieter tonight which was a blessing after being so manic through most of May and with me not feeling 100% so it was a welcome rest bite. What does that mean "Rest bite"? Must google that.

Got home 2.45AM with ant killer in hand ready to take my revenge.
The sugar hill has gone and so have the ants, these are no ordinary ants, BUGGER!

Time for bed. TV in bedroom now only has 4 channels. How? Never mind, its a smart TV so will watch "Toast of London" off the USB stick. Cockerels are telling me its time to wake up, no its not its only 4AM. Must get ammunition tomorrow.

Serve All. Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

New t-shirt for you.

Sold three already.

Thursday, 24 May 2018

Captains Log - "19 days since opening, All's well"

Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls, for the thousands in attendance and the millions reading around the world...................................


How are we my dear dear blog followers? I hope your all well and starting to pack those suitcases ready for the off, some have already packed and been but there are many more to follow.

So my season is 19 days old and already I'm having mornings of the last customers leaving 3-4 am.
I better get some energy drinks in LOL.

Couldn't have asked for a better start, last season was through the roof and this season isn't to far behind it and i have had my 1st and 2nd best nights in May since i opened 12 years ago.
This May i have also had a few returning customers come in that haven't been in for a couple of years so its always great to see familiar faces when they arrive.

A majority of Mays customers so far have been new and every single one of them have returned which i thank them for and glad they enjoyed the visits.

The resort seems to be very quiet. The earliest i have closed was 1.30 am about a week ago and as i hit the main strip i thought there had been a power cut as everywhere was closed apart from Drunk Corner and Venue and every night after that when I've closed maybe between 2-4 am  its been the same, Tazies hasn't even been open and that's amazing as Tazies is always open usually till at least 3 am. Never have i known the main strip to close so early.

This May two things have happened that have never happened before in my 18 years on the island.

Firstly it has been the most cloudy May i have ever known, we've had about the usually amount of rain but cloudy days, wow, we had almost a full week of it, never seen that before.

Secondly Tax Inspectors. They have been in Kalamaki 4 times in 12 days. Its absolute nuts. I've had 2 visits but all good with me as all drinks are tilled and everyone has their receipt.

I do have a problem with the Tax Inspectors though. Some are corrupt.
Last Oct on my last but one day of opening i had a visit. All was above board, all drinks were tilled, all receipts were out and could be time checked but because i took 2 drinks out to a table with a receipt while the inspectors were in they fined me 250€, i got fined for being honest and putting everything through the till. This is where you then actually feel like why should i be honest if i get a fine for doing nothing wrong, they just wanted money. Could i have gone to court and won a appeal for it to be overturned, yes i could but they know that would cost me 400€ so of course the fine is cheaper. Your in a no win situation and there's nothing you can do about it.
In this incident it doesn't encourage you to be honest but of course if you are honest and get honest tax inspectors like i have had this year everything is OK, Hoorah!

This season i have also had some customers who haven't been back to the island since 2007-2008 but were customers of mine. They were amazed to see that i was still here and when i talk to them it is quite amazing, you think, I have never had entertainment to drag people in, never done drinks offers, never given anything away free, never advertised my prices, never had WIFI, never had TVs, never advertised anywhere within resort, in papers or on radio, I've never done deals with hotels or restaurants of the "You scratch my back, i'll scratch yours" type but twelve years on I'm still here and me being on the island for 18 years has all been a random act, none of what i have done on this island was planned, it was all by accident, how mad is that.

People are asking who is this "We" you keep mentioning on your blog. My dear Friends, I don't think i need to go in to detail and put my whole life out there for the world to see on the net so i will keep it as "We", that's all you need to know really folks don't you think? But what i will tell you is that "We" are extremely happy together.

Biscuit is getting a bit of a star status in the bar already, if i could get a goat sidecar for the bike i would bring him in but i don't think he would keep a crash helmet on and a sidecar just reminds me of Olive off "On the Buses" (anyone younger than 40 you'll have to google it).

I already have my my songs of the season, yeah i know early isn't it, these are songs that give me a bit of surge of energy when i start to flag, here they are:-

Foo Fighters - "Sky is a neighbourhood"

Hugh Jackman - "The Greatest Show"

Justin Timberlake - "Say Something"

and one for my cool down time

Depeche Mode - Cover Me

I bet you never thought you would see Hugh Jackman and Justin Timberlake in my play list did you, ahhhh see, i have a wide range of listening but it doesn't mean i like everything.

So that's a quick update for now folks just as sense of how the seasons going so far, so until the next time....................

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Tuesday, 22 May 2018

Biscuit - The Pygmy Goat Dog

Hello one and all, season update coming soon but until then........people who are coming in to bar are asking about Biscuit, does he really live in my garden? Is he really a Pygmy Goat? Have i trained him to be a Goat Dog?
Well here's the answers to all Biscuit related questions.

Saturday, 5 May 2018

Ready to open and all bright and shiny.

First night open last night and all went smoothly.
Well, nothing else could have gone wrong really after everything that went wrong during set up, 2 speakers were knackered, fridge blew up, glass wash machine had power but didn't want to wash, water pump didn't pump and rechargeable candles have given up the ghost. To be fair the candles have lasted 10 years without any charge during winter and used every night for 6 months so i think i got my moneys worth.

Anywhooo all good now, fingers crossed.

So here is the bar all freshened up and bright.

I'm not sure if its to bright but everyone so far who had been in last night loved the look, ah well, we'll see but i'm done for now, may add little bits as the season rolls on.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Tuesday, 1 May 2018

Been around the island and i, i, i, i can't find German Barracks

Its almost time to open folks but before i do, how you all doing out there? You all well and looking forward to whatever holidays you've got booked? 
I'm almost ready to open and thought it looked pretty straight forward this season but as i was getting things ready extra costs cropped up with things not working or breaking and extras needed which i didn't account for, DOH! These things happen.  But needs must and had to replace or fix so that's what I've done, after all if these things weren't done i couldn't open and we couldn't have that could we, bills to pay etc etc.

Before i head in to 6 months of running around like an loon i have done my usual island tour. Unfortunately i forgot to take Kevin but i left him in charge of security at the bar.

107 km covered in 3 hours 45 Min's, that was just the main coastal road without Keri and Vasilikos. You may think "That's a long time for such a short journey" Well i did stop for a coffee, stopped to take pics and stopped just to chill out and give my numb bum a rest after being on the bike for quite a while..

Let the tour begin. We travel from South east and around.

So here we see Alykes/Alykanas and the salt flats from the highest peak with a view south as we travel north.

Here are some caves. A cave is a cave after all and Zakynthos has many.

As you can see the little tavernas along the way to Skinari are all starting to clean up ready for the onslaught of holidaymaker tours.

Coffee Time! St. Nicholas Port has to be one of my favourite places to stop off. I wouldn't even mind a holiday here, not really in to resort holidays. All i need is a small beach, a taverna, a little shop and a bar, oh and a room to shower, change and sleep in, what more do you need.

St Nicholas Port from above as you make your way to Skinari and the windmills.

This is the original windmill at Skinari, the traditional picture postcard we all know of Greece.

Here is the modern windmill built in 2005 and i was the first to stay in it on May 5th 2005, great place to stay for that ideal experience, quiet, tranquil, relaxing and just amazing. May stay again in the future but for a holiday not just for a night.

This was me trying to be professional with the camera. Don't think its that difficult to be a photographer if I'm being honest, hmmmm maybe my next career move.

Here we have a view down the valley as you leave Skinari. The island you see is one i have put an offer in for but my 1€ offer was turned down, can't understand why.

Now this is a puzzler. Is it:-
1/ A flying saucer landing pad
2/ One man and his dog - Zakynthos filming location (Whats happened to that programme?)
3/ A Farmers Gladiator arena
4/ A Crufts Goat arena (Biscuit would win)

This cove i have visited before and its a beautiful place but the problem is the sun doesn't stay there for long, there is nowhere for people to park and if there was a convoy of cars it would be pretty scary having to reverse back up as there is nowhere really to turn around apart from on the rocky cove itself.

A few people have questioned if i actually visit these places and that i rip the pictures from the Internet. No i don't and here is my bike to prove it.

What? your still sceptical? OK so here is me chilling in deep reflective thought, that takes me just 3 seconds, my thoughts aren't that deep.

I went on a hunt for the German Barracks again. I have hunted high and low at the location they are meant to be but this time the sign has been taken away. There is not one bit of evidence to show where they were, not even a foundation line of building stones.
Coming back from where the barracks were meant to be i found a small patch of poppies. These were the flowers associated with WW1. They were the first flowers to grow in the freshly dug earth of soldiers burial sight in Flanders fields. Made me shiver seeing it after what i had been looking for.

Fires at some point have spread through the North West of the island. Huge amounts of land have been stripped bare, quite spooky to see.

You can see here a view that reaches from Tsilivi to Laganas. When your at the East side of the island you wouldn't think there was that much land in the middle as all you can see are the hills on the West coast.

Another view from same view point.

A Monastery where at one point i was thinking of joining but i could only drink wine there, YUK! No thanks.

And we finish off at my old stomping ground Bochali where i waited 20 Min's just for a bottle of beer.

But it was worth the wait, free crisps, YAY!

So its all downhill from here, work, work, work to put biscuits on the table for Biscuit.
What will the season bring? Who knows but not going to stress it, life's to short so we have to enjoy it while we're here not worry, what's the point in doing that.

I shall post a very short update with pictures once I've completed the bar and ready to open which is Thursday. The season's here folks. Yamas!

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Sunday, 22 April 2018

11 days till Open.

Well time has flown this week folks and how has your week been?

Work has begun on the bar and to be honest its mainly just cleaning and a lick of paint as i did quite a bit to it last year.
My washing machine is constantly on the go, 14 loads so far one after another and with 5 more to go.
I didn't realise how much there was to wash, ceiling material, wall material, curtains, cushion covers, seat covers, its all gone through the wash. Its been round more times than........than......than.....the magic roundabout, couldn't think of anything else, i got writers block i think. Good job the weather is warm and sunny and has been since we arrived on the 8th April, i can get all this washing dried and in within 2 hours ready for the next load to go out.

Zakynthos town is having a new road laid, YAY, thing is its being done badly by the looks of it so could be worse than the original road but lets wait and see. The side with the cars on has already been re-laid.

On the subject of Zakynthos town its quite sad to see that some businesses have closed which have been there since i first come to the island in 2001. These were businesses that were always busy, well known and good value but now just all locked up, a few are on the port road so that's not going to look good when tourism hits the island.

Its very strange you know how people react when they first see me.
When i see ex-pats its like "OH, Your back!", with the look of shock. Where do they think I'm going to be? What do they know that i don't?
But when i speak to the local Greeks and Albanians its "Hello Kevin, we were saying Kevin will be back soon, how are you?"
I always get a great welcome from my neighbours on the old road, they now think of me as one of their family, such nice people.

My house is now dust free, at last. Its quite a big house to clean. The balcony that goes around three sides of the house collects all the dust from the winter months so that needs washing down 4 times, then the 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, utility room/hallway and living room/kitchen need sweeping and mopping 3 times and that's without the display cabinet, god i hate that thing. Due to my lovely customers buying me tat to put on it i now have to polish the tat then take the tat off and polish 11 shelves. Its a pain in the ass i can tell you.
Haven't cleaned my bikes properly yet, poor things.

Biscuit is becoming very needy but he still lovable.
Biscuit is a Pygmy goat just in case your a first time reader. Now as soon as he hears my motorbike pull up in the courtyard he's straight up on his balcony for his treat. You can here him calling "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom" well it sounds like Mom, he can't say Dad.
I've never wanted kids and now i got a needy Kid. Get it, Kid = child, Kid = Baby goat and because its a Pygmy goat it will always look like a Kid it will never be a Beagy, beagy, beagy, beagy hiya BUCK! See what i did. I took a 1970's-80's TV reference and used it to tell you a adult male goat is called a Buck.

On the subject of animals i have 3 puppies who i found sleeping by my bins outside my house. I was leaving the house and saw three puppies run across the road from my next door neighbours house about 100m down the road. When i came back they were all huddled together by my bins. They look very healthy so I'm hoping they belong to the house up the road and they go back there. If i stayed on the island all year round i would take them in as my own.

Well its just a tiny update but a update none the less.

I have decided to end my updates now with a thought or fact for the week, so here's the first one.

Did you know you share more personal information with Facebook than your own government but you don't realise it. Glad i don't use it or need to.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

A quick after thought. Lots of you know i do medical trials for Cancer, Parkinsons disease, Diabetes, Heart conditions. So you can see what sort of things i do here is a documentary for you to watch if you ever get bored. Enjoy lol. And by the way i used to be signed up with Parexel, not anymore.

Monday, 16 April 2018


OK I'm here. We had a weeks holiday here first and now I'm all alone again and time to get the bar ready.

So much happened in one week, more than in winter.
OK so firstly had the passenger from hell sat next to us and we had booked front row seats so even though paid top wack for the seats the passengers aren't any better. He was effing and jeffing for 40 Min's before we took off as we were delayed due to police waiting for one passenger to get to boarding then stopping them from boarding and had to wait till bags were offloaded.
The stewardess was excellent the way she handled him and was going to get him taking off but he calmed down and kept on muttering under his breath, KNOBSTER!

Famous people we already met in the first week Will Mellor & Family was on our flight over and the legend Dick Van Dyke was in Solomos Square.

He loved the island he said.

The Legend Dick Van Dyke

Get to the house very tired at 3pm Sunday after only having 8 hours sleep since 6am Friday.
House was all safe and secure but very dusty as left windows open for 6 months with only shutters locked close but at least no mold unlike the house in Bochali. So we got to work cleaning what we needed to just so we could relax.
Monday finished off all the house then got to work on the bikes. Took a while but both got going once cleaned them up and charged batteries.
Something strange comes our way. We heard a noise. Went out to look in our garden what we had this year. No rabbits at all. Lots of very healthy looking chickens and the noise was coming from..........a Pygmy Goat.

He now comes up on to his little balcony the other side of our balcony when we call his name.
We have called him Biscuit, the reason being the first thing we fed him was a Digestive.

He so funny!

He has become very demanding though and now gets on his balcony and calls to us without us even going outside.

Had our first very very cold beer of the season and it had to be at my favourite place to relax after a Saturday night from bar when i close at midnight with my favourite beer. Bar 34 and a cold Levante beer. I will be stocking all the Levante range this season.

Had a couple of nights in town with lots of nice food and bottles of wine and just kicking back before i started on the bar today......well......i went and looked at it lol.

Had a nice walk all along the sea front from Zakynthos Port to the outer edge of town towards Tsilivi and what did we see..........DUCKS!

I think that when Sir David Attenborough retires I'm ready to step in his shoes with all my contact to wildlife.

In all, our first week was excellent what with staying in Zakynthos town for part of it at The Phoenix Hotel. Had a great room and got it cheaper than normal rates as they know me now from having my daily coffees there and staying there last October.

Unfortunately its on to business now for me and if I'm being very honest I think i have taken Oceanic as far as i can. The next step would be to add food as the bar has a food licence but i don't want to be involved with food. I got it to No.1 in Kalamaki, then No.1 on Island, then No.1 for the whole of the Ionian and finally this winter Oceanic was No.1 for whole of Greece until Tripadvisor change how the rating system works but that's fine, i got it there.
So no challenge anymore for me and i need a challenge when it comes to work, also my personal life in the UK is better than ever before so i think its time for those words "LET THE OFFERS BEGIN!".
Now as explained before, I'm open to offers, if no offers, then i keep it, plain and simple, i won't be walking away.  I know businesses in Kalamaki that are still open now with the same owners who have been trying to sell for over 5 years but asking way to much. Some empty businesses are looking for €30,000 and that's before you even get open and rent, so with Oceanic its a bargain for much much less than what a closed bar would cost and its fully functioning already..
But again, I'm open to offers and in no rush. I still have plenty of running in the old legs yet.

So just a little update for now and then more next week as bar gets set up.

So until then........

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Thursday, 5 April 2018

Almost time to go but before i do.......two words..........CARDIFF DEVILS!

Well this is my final update from the UK. I would just like to say a big HELLO! to my new blog readers from Indonesia, Ukraine, Finland, Switzerland and Russia. How you doing?

So this update will be a big salute to the most awesome Cardiff Devils that has made this winter such a great one by becoming consecutive EIHL champions.

I first saw the Cardiff Devils in 1986-87 and to be honest i had seen a few NHL games which included a very little known player called Wayne Gretzky, ever heard of him? or Mario Lemieux maybe? Lets say at that point in time the Cardiff Devils were the equivalent of a Sunday morning  parks football team compared to the Premiership but don't forget this was a whole new beginning so that's fair enough. Many don't know this but British ice hockey league began in 1903.
After watching them through the 80's whenever i could and in the 90's also working alongside them they developed in to a force to be reckoned with within the British Ice Hockey league.
Step forward to the present day and the new era of Cardiff Devils team and supporters have been born  along with the back bone of the club, the devoted passionate Red Army.
Never has any team from any sport made me feel emotionally proud and that's saying something as my heart beats Welsh rugby.
I've never known a team to be so accessible to the fans. They don't just wave to them from the ice then bugger off until the next game, they meet the fans, they talk to the fans, have a drink with the fans at the bar and sometimes get drunk with the fans (Trophy winning nights only of course, wink, wink).
I've said before, if there were no fans there's no need for a team and this team leave it all on the ice for their fans, blood, sweat and tears. 
Now you can't talk about a team without the fans either. If you had to put a picture next to the definition for the word "Dedicated" then there would be a picture of The Red Army. They play each pass, they feel every hit, they savour every goal, they hurt with every defeat. These a real fans, not fair weather followers, they give their all win, lose or penalty shoot out.
My past two winters going to Watch the Cardiff Devils at the IAW have been my most memorable supporting them (apart from 1996-97 season).
There are 3 reasons for this:-
1/ A professional technically skillful team that give it their all to win and entertain at same time.
2/ A fan base that would give there last vocal chord and breath to spur their team on to victory
3/ The intro videos that on occasions have made me very emotional and proud of our team, city and country.

To show you the what i mean about the intros i have added two videos for you to watch. Even as i uploaded them and watched them again the hairs stood up on the back of my arms. These well crafted and superbly edited videos were the creations of one man and his name is Paul Sullivan. All i can say is outstanding! These are better than the WRU intros and I've seen allot of them at the Principality Stadium, hate that name, The Millennium Stadium. Real thought and hours of effort bring us fans these perfect works of art in motion.

Firstly The intro that Paul put together for our first home game after winning the league in Belfast when they brought the cup home with them, this was put together with only a 2 day turn around, amazing.

Secondly this is the Devils last video made by Paul after qualifying for the play off  finals which take place in Nottingham this weekend 7th/8th April 2018. Enjoy!

I may get Paul to make me a Oceanic Intro for when i step through the doors in to the bar as i open.
No, wait, I don't have any TV's in bar, nice idea though along with dry ice for me to step through.
No, hang on, That would be like stars in their eyes, OK scrap my entrance.

Now on to my crap poor pictures from my regular seat at the Devils last home game this season. It is a great view we have.

You get to see so many goals at this end of the arena and this season there has been so many.

Well that's it for this season of ice hockey and i will be watching the Play off finals on the sunny island of Zakynthos before i start work on the bar but between you and me blog readers i would prefer to be at Nottingham watching the games live there instead of live on a laptop, sipping a cold beer with the warm sun on my face.
Zakynthos has an ice pad, perhaps i could start a Zakynthos ice hockey team. As you know folks i bought new skates this winter to come out of retirement, well, just to go skating.
This is a call to all you Greek ice skaters, hang up your gyros cutting knives and cocktail shakers and join me in the Greek ice hockey revolution, we shall take over more ice hockey leagues than Agamemnon did countries.

We are Elite, We are Strong, We are Oceanic Titans.

So what is in store for Oceanic this year, not allot really. I did so much last year and people loved it that I'm just going to tweak it slightly not as much as other years and run with it. Added some new unique cocktails and some classic ones added also. Not many rock stars have died so not to many t-shirts added to the collection and i have decided its back to me running the bar as i set out, its a lifestyle. I had been so stressed out in previous years that i got to hate the bar but slowly over the past 2 years it got back to the original plan of what Oceanic was all about.
Also i have made another big decision as its the right time what with everything in my life falling in to place nicely and i have always said i would never retire on the island.
I will be selling Oceanic.
Now, now, now, before we all go throwing ourselves off cliffs saying "Oh no what will we do now" I haven't decided when. Of course i always consider offers, anybody would and i have had offers over the years. When i decide I'm going to sell i won't be walking away from bar until it does sell either, so if it takes 5 years then so be it but there is no way i would walk away from it and let someone step in to a business for nothing which i built up alone over years of hard work. As for how much, i'm not greedy or stupid, all i would want is the money i originally put in to it when i opened it 12 years ago so its a bargain for a fully functioning business ready to go without anything needed. So watch this space for when i say "Let the Sale begin!" but not yet though so don't panic.

And finally......

A fluffy animal story.

This is Dr. Duck. He's not really a doctor but i found him outside a doctors surgery which is nowhere near a lake or pond. Dr. Duck said having to wait outside a surgery for a appointment was Quackers. What? That joke would have been hilarious in the 1930's.

This furry little fellow is as you know my favourite animal, a Squizzle. This one though did worry me a bit. He hopped towards me and when i turned and stopped he stopped, when i walked away he followed. This went on for about 50 metres easily. Now i can add a Squizzle to my list of stalkers I've had.

Well that's it for the UK updates folks, feel a bit Vanilla about going back this year, can take it or leave it either way I'd be OK. Going to have a little holiday for a week then crack on with the refurb as i have plenty of time to do so this season, i may even add plants to my front of house plant pots this year, they only been empty for 5 years so think its about time don't you?
And i promise you all as i know you ask about him Kevin the Minion will be out and about on his adventures and we will be re-visiting the mad axeman, we have unfinished business.

So until my first update from the rock...............

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!