Saturday, 21 December 2013

Release the Zakynthos one. I'm free!

Well one more day after today and I'm free. Yes after 6 weeks of Needles, peeing in a bottle, electric being wired up to my chest, arms and legs, blowing down a tube and being bed ridden I'm close to being released in to the big wide world once again and to see my beautiful girl. One more big day tomorrow of all day tests then on Monday its back to normality with Helen and our first stop being Iceland (the shop not the country) for some tasty snack food and desserts mmmmmmm.
It hasn't been to bad in here if I'm being honest, as long as you keep your mind active the time flies and it helps having good guys on the same study as you. I don't think I could have done 6 weeks if I had someone who was a bit of tit or loud on the study with me but the other 3 guys were great so it all helps to make the study allot easier.
I won't know till Monday what my weight is since being in here as we got weighed when we first arrived and get weighed when we leave. I have been very good with the food in here eating mainly salad with everything and bran flakes for breakfast so fingers crossed I haven't put allot on as you could easily go mad with the food in here and without any exercise you could easy come out quite a few stone heavier.
Due to not being able to exercise my legs have really seized up now, they hurt when I bend them after being straight for to long and they hurt when I straighten them after being bent for to long, so I'm really looking forward to fresh air as not been outside in 6 weeks and a good long walk to get my limbs moving again, don't think I'll want to sit down when I get out of here LOL.
In saying all that it will all depend on my final test Monday morning if my immune system is back to normal as the drug lowers it to build up a new immune system, so as long as its above a safe limit I can go home but if not I have to stay in until my immune system re-generates but I'm confident it will build back up just fine as dosing of the tablet stopped on Monday with my immune system never dropping that low anyway after taking tablet.

"Christmas time, mistletoe and wine, children singing Christian rhyme" SHUT UP! GET AWAY FROM MY DOOR, SHOOO! Bloody carol singers. That's one thing I haven't had to do since being in here. I've missed all the Christmas songs in shops, all the Christmas nonsense on TV, kids singing crappy songs on my doorstep begging for money for songs I didn't ask them to sing and  I don't even like.
There is an alternative to father Christmas.
If you have children and they are being naughty don't say "If your not good father Christmas won't bring you any presents". Instead tell them "Krampus will come to take you away", Krampus is a beast that takes children away in his sack if they've been naughty, he is the anti-Christmas. How come I've only just found out about this guy, he sounds great LOL.

This is my mate Krampus, isn't he cute LOL.

I've read on the net that Justin Bieber  is retiring from music, well I won't be losing any sleep over that, its not like he is a pioneer in his field is it. Are there going to be street parties to celebrate no more crap songs?
Update:- He was joking, now where did I put that hangman's noose.
Ronnie Biggs has died, Last of the Gang to Die. Can't believe he made a song with the Sex Pistols, now that was a crime.
Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones is 70 this week. Damn, I can't start selling my Keith Richards rock legend t-shirts yet.
Brad Pitt is 50, how can that be? I'm only 45, surely twins should be the same age LOL
                                                    Kevin and Brad Pitt

Ok maybe not ha ha.

A sad day today also as David Coleman, the voice of sport has died. I remember him from A Question of Sport, Grandstand, Gymnastic commentary for the rivalry of Olga Korbut and Nadia Comăneci in the Olympics and a funny Spitting Image puppet. I think this is his funniest quote
  "That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record". I think Alan Partridge has learnt allot from him.
Well all the reality TV has now finished for a week or so and before you know it the z-listers will be out in force for Celebrity Big Brother all trying to upstage the next person to try to become famous or to re-ignite their failed career from 20 years ago.
So I've been looking on you tube to find you reality junkies some clips from around the world to keep you going which are just to bad for words.

First we have a singer who got through to the live rounds of the Indonesia version of X Factor. What must the auditions been like for this guy to get to the finals. It may just be cause I'm a big Killers fan but I'm sure its bad.

This next huge star and you will see what I mean was on the Greek show "Greece has got talent".
I wonder how she found out she had this strange talent, maybe she smashed he partners head in one night in the throws of passion LOL.

And just before they start the next boring Big Brother here is what a Big Brother show should really be like. Forget all the polite talk and funny tasks to embarrass the celebs, just get them drunk and let them fight it out punching and kicking lumps out of each other, which celebs would you like to see have a brawl? This is from the Bulgarian Big Brother, fight, fight, FIGHT, FIGHT.

As I said in my last post that BBC have axed Ripper Street, well I've written to them and complained and I got a reply and basically they said that they have had a big response and are looking to see if Netflix will take on the series and then BBC will buy it off them and show it at a later date, in other words they don't want to pay to make another series but will buy the rights to air it after Netflix. This is what you pay your licence fee for folks so the BBC can not actually make any programmes just buy the rights off other companies to air programmes. Cheap skates.
Below is a petition to bring the show back to the BBC having to make it, please if you can spare 1 min of your time could you sign it, I would be very grateful as I don't watch much on TV LOL.

Usually during the winter there is a Oceanic Tour where we visit cities and towns and meet up with friends and customers from Oceanic. This year we are going to try to get up to York, Durham and around that area if we can but due to me being in Simbec for 6 weeks it has cut down the time we have to get out and about. What we were thinking is maybe having a get together in South Wales this time, just a meet up for a night out somewhere with a few drinks in a bar, nothing special, just a good drinks session somewhere. We have travelled around every winter to see people but never actually had a meeting where we live. I will post more details when date is sorted and will give you details of accommodation near so you won't have to drive anywhere and just enjoy the night.

If anyone has bought me a "Onesie" or if father Christmas brings me one you can take it back right now. They are the worst looking piece of lounge wear/night wear I have ever seen. They are not flattering, they look grubby and they are definitely not for wearing to the supermarket with UGG boots ladies. Just because someone who is partly famous has worn one of them outside doesn't mean its the height of fashion it just means they're an idiot. Two guys who were in the medical centre on another study wore them all day and they looked ridiculous in them. The only time a human should wear a Onesie is when they are born. Lets not fool ourselves, they are a giant babygrow but no one would buy one if that's what they were called so some bright spark came up with "Onesie" so they would sell. ITS A BABYGROW!

I rest my case LOL

Well it is almost Christmas time so I better wish all my wonderful friends, customers and blog readers and very merry Christmas and hope Santa brings you everything you've asked for or in the case of those of you who have been bad, Krampus is coming to get yah!


Serve All, Love All. Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Wednesday, 11 December 2013


How the devil are you my fine friends, customers and blog followers? I bet you've all done a hell of allot more than I have. I now only have 12 days to go. Haven't got cabin fever yet but I am running out of things to watch on the net.
Whilst in here I have been keeping an eye on what's going on on the rock. Not much if I'm being honest, lots of speculation and rumour but nothing of any real interest as yet but we shall see. I remember a rumour a few years ago that I wasn't going back to the island, fours years on I'm still here so don't always believe what you hear until it actually happens and that's the way I've always been. 
I'm still looking for stuff for the refurbishment of the bar but still not got a complete picture of what I want as I keep changing my mind on things I would like to do. The only thing definite is new floor, sofas, cocktails, frontage and lighting. I keep swapping the décor as got so many ideas but can't pin down the final look. What I do know is that it will still be the same chill out bar concept that I've had for the past 7 years, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
I've been hearing lots of exciting things from the outside world since I've been in here. Cars can now fly, illness is a thing of the past, cats living with dogs after a civil ceremony, Cricket has been banned due to killing people with boredom and Cheryl Cole can now sing live without miming........Well the first four are true but the fifth will always be fantasy LOL.
Well I have a little competition for my Facebook followers and blog followers:-
If there was anything that could be added to Oceanic what would you like to see? Now TV's, WIFI and Entertainment will never be part of the bar so if there is anything else please leave your suggestions on here or on Facebook, the main winner will get a £25 gift card voucher to spend in numerous stores in the UK. The winner will be notified and announced on here and Facebook in May. Then the gift card will be sent to your home address so it doesn't even matter if your not out to Zakynthos next season. I will also take a picture of the new addition to the bar and post it on the blog. It could be a piece of décor, a picture of a certain band or singer I may not have on the wall, a cocktail, anything you want so it has a wide scope for ideas.
As you know last month was "Movember", I decided to join in and grow a handlebar moustache. If I'm being honest I hated it and won't be doing it again. It itched, it got food smells on it, I could see it in my eye line when I ate, just horrible. But as promised I said I would take a picture for you all to see along side a look-a-like. And in conjunction with the film Despicable Me 2 being released I have actually got a minion with the same name as me, watch the film and you'll see. So in all its glory here is my horrible moustache and my twin. I was not allowed to bring in to the centre my cap, goggles and dungarees LOL.
                     Kevin the Oceanic owner                           Kevin the Minion

Also for those of you who first saw my latest hair style it took a few of you by surprise as its shaved to a No.1 at the back and sides and left long on top. One of my regulars said I looked like Hitler and I didn't even have a moustache then so this is a pic during shaving my moustache off.

                       Hitler                                                          Me
I've been compared to many people of who I look like but Hitler has to be the worst person anyone could look like, no wonder you don't see that type of moustache these days, who the hell would want to look like him. The worst thing is you couldn't even say its because your hero Charlie Chaplin had the same moustache as its just associated with the idiot that was Hitler. Anyway all moustache was shaved off at midnight on the 1st of Dec, wasn't going to leave it on 1 minute longer than I had to.
On to the world of TV, showbiz and entertainment.
Word has it that chav, bankrupt, queen of the jungle, Iceland mum Kerry Katona has landed the lead role in a musical about Marilyn Monroe. Could they have chosen anyone further from the real Marilyn. Don't get me wrong, when Kerry was first with Atomic Kitten years and years ago she was very attractive but now after pushing out a few kiddies, over eating, drug taking  and finding her natural foul mouthed gob again is she really the best they could find to cast in the role as Marilyn.

                 Marilyn Monroe                                            Pig in a Dress

I'm a Celebrity is all over and done with for another year.
Shock horror, Joey didn't win (even though ITV tried their hardest to make it so) but you know there is either going to be a Joey reality show or a remake of the film "Educating Rita" but due to it having a modern take on the classic they will use Joey.
Dai the Frock came a gallant second, well done the welsh boy, you did good, even though your last major contribution in the public eye was 32 years ago.
Worst camp mate for me was Mathew Wright, went in all friendly and scared and over the days his false mask dropped and turned in to a spitting venom snake of a man.
Best part of the show, Ant & Dec segments. Worst part of the show, everything else.
I've already had word of who they want for next years show:-

The "Me, Me, Me" Celebrity who only wants to talk about themselves - Richard Madeley (need I say more)
The Token American - Jake Lloyd (Who?) He played little Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars
The Soap Star - Coronation Streets Cat from the opening credits
The Sports Star - Eric the Fish who swam 100m freestyle slower than the world record for 200m
The Pop Star - Pinky of Pinky & Perky, after years of rehab since 1968 he's back.
The Eyecandy - Some unknown from the women's institute nude Christmas Calendar
The Pensioner - Any one of the Loose Women, they all look older than they are so take your pick
The Toff - The Duke of Shitterton 10 times removed (yes it is a real place)
The Journalist - Mystic Meg, at least she'll know when she's been voted out
The Thicko - TBA, can't find anyone thicker than Joey.

Sorry for leaking next years contestants but now we know there is no one of any interest on it like this year we can all go out or watch something else LOL.

The only TV programmes I really watch are Whitechapel and Ripper Street and to my disgust they have both been axed. What the hell is going on? Why would they want to axe gritty thrilling dramas like these with plenty of scope for story lines. How many period dramas do we need on TV about posh houses with women in big dresses and guys with stiff collars treating staff like slaves while sipping on pots of tea and having mountains of cake. How many times do we have to have repeats of Graham Norton and Eastenders when once is way more than enough. In the time of recession we have Nigel and Adams Farm Kitchen that unless you actually own a farm it would cost you a bloody fortune to go out and buy all the natural grown ingredients and meats to make the food they do.
Can you see what I mean about wasted cash on pointless programmes. Yes we know in the good old days it was upper class and lower class, yes we know Graham Norton is camp and laughs at his own jokes, Yes we know Albert square is the most depressing place on earth with the highest rate of unsolved murder cases, yes we know freshly grown natural veg and hand reared meat is better for you, so why the bloody hell they still on our TV, we know, we've seen, we get it, now drop the crap programmes LOL.

As you know from previous posts on here when I'm out and about I love finding signs in the UK or abroad. They may be misspelt, funny names or just plain weird signs but I've found a great sign here in Simbec above the toilet. We don't have urinals here in the gents we have just normal toilets like you have in your bathroom and above it is this sign:-

I did find a flaw in this sign. When I first noticed it I decided to read it thorough but by the time I had read it all I looked down and I had wet the seat, the floor and my slippers because it took so long to read. Please place this sign on the toilet door, not above the toilet as it is a hazard LOL.
Note:- I didn't wet everywhere, that was just for comedy purposes, I have perfect aim like a sniper.
I was on youtube just browsing and came across this. I took my motorcycle test quite a while ago but little did I know that someone was filming it, for reasons unknown. To take my test I had to take it on an American highway patrol motorbike while wearing a motorcycle patrol uniform and called me Donny, don't ask me why but I passed my test anyway LOL.
Not long now till I'll be going to see Depeche Mode in concert but I'm a bit sad. I don't get to see many live gigs in the winter as the main ones are all in the UK in the summer. So to get me in the mood for the concert I've been watching some live concerts online, watched Pink Floyd, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Limp Bizkit, Sex Pistols, Prodigy, Guns N Roses and of course Depeche but I came across this, its Slash from his UK tour in 2011. On vocals is Myles Kennedy from the band Alter Bridge who are also pretty good. The concert is called "Made in Stoke" and I have to say I wish I had gone to it, really good. So here it is if you fancy a watch. Enjoy.
Well my fine readers as God said to Moses "That's your lot and will do for now until I can think of some more, now go"
Serve All. Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!