Saturday, 21 December 2013

Release the Zakynthos one. I'm free!

Well one more day after today and I'm free. Yes after 6 weeks of Needles, peeing in a bottle, electric being wired up to my chest, arms and legs, blowing down a tube and being bed ridden I'm close to being released in to the big wide world once again and to see my beautiful girl. One more big day tomorrow of all day tests then on Monday its back to normality with Helen and our first stop being Iceland (the shop not the country) for some tasty snack food and desserts mmmmmmm.
It hasn't been to bad in here if I'm being honest, as long as you keep your mind active the time flies and it helps having good guys on the same study as you. I don't think I could have done 6 weeks if I had someone who was a bit of tit or loud on the study with me but the other 3 guys were great so it all helps to make the study allot easier.
I won't know till Monday what my weight is since being in here as we got weighed when we first arrived and get weighed when we leave. I have been very good with the food in here eating mainly salad with everything and bran flakes for breakfast so fingers crossed I haven't put allot on as you could easily go mad with the food in here and without any exercise you could easy come out quite a few stone heavier.
Due to not being able to exercise my legs have really seized up now, they hurt when I bend them after being straight for to long and they hurt when I straighten them after being bent for to long, so I'm really looking forward to fresh air as not been outside in 6 weeks and a good long walk to get my limbs moving again, don't think I'll want to sit down when I get out of here LOL.
In saying all that it will all depend on my final test Monday morning if my immune system is back to normal as the drug lowers it to build up a new immune system, so as long as its above a safe limit I can go home but if not I have to stay in until my immune system re-generates but I'm confident it will build back up just fine as dosing of the tablet stopped on Monday with my immune system never dropping that low anyway after taking tablet.

"Christmas time, mistletoe and wine, children singing Christian rhyme" SHUT UP! GET AWAY FROM MY DOOR, SHOOO! Bloody carol singers. That's one thing I haven't had to do since being in here. I've missed all the Christmas songs in shops, all the Christmas nonsense on TV, kids singing crappy songs on my doorstep begging for money for songs I didn't ask them to sing and  I don't even like.
There is an alternative to father Christmas.
If you have children and they are being naughty don't say "If your not good father Christmas won't bring you any presents". Instead tell them "Krampus will come to take you away", Krampus is a beast that takes children away in his sack if they've been naughty, he is the anti-Christmas. How come I've only just found out about this guy, he sounds great LOL.

This is my mate Krampus, isn't he cute LOL.

I've read on the net that Justin Bieber  is retiring from music, well I won't be losing any sleep over that, its not like he is a pioneer in his field is it. Are there going to be street parties to celebrate no more crap songs?
Update:- He was joking, now where did I put that hangman's noose.
Ronnie Biggs has died, Last of the Gang to Die. Can't believe he made a song with the Sex Pistols, now that was a crime.
Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones is 70 this week. Damn, I can't start selling my Keith Richards rock legend t-shirts yet.
Brad Pitt is 50, how can that be? I'm only 45, surely twins should be the same age LOL
                                                    Kevin and Brad Pitt

Ok maybe not ha ha.

A sad day today also as David Coleman, the voice of sport has died. I remember him from A Question of Sport, Grandstand, Gymnastic commentary for the rivalry of Olga Korbut and Nadia Comăneci in the Olympics and a funny Spitting Image puppet. I think this is his funniest quote
  "That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record". I think Alan Partridge has learnt allot from him.
Well all the reality TV has now finished for a week or so and before you know it the z-listers will be out in force for Celebrity Big Brother all trying to upstage the next person to try to become famous or to re-ignite their failed career from 20 years ago.
So I've been looking on you tube to find you reality junkies some clips from around the world to keep you going which are just to bad for words.

First we have a singer who got through to the live rounds of the Indonesia version of X Factor. What must the auditions been like for this guy to get to the finals. It may just be cause I'm a big Killers fan but I'm sure its bad.

This next huge star and you will see what I mean was on the Greek show "Greece has got talent".
I wonder how she found out she had this strange talent, maybe she smashed he partners head in one night in the throws of passion LOL.

And just before they start the next boring Big Brother here is what a Big Brother show should really be like. Forget all the polite talk and funny tasks to embarrass the celebs, just get them drunk and let them fight it out punching and kicking lumps out of each other, which celebs would you like to see have a brawl? This is from the Bulgarian Big Brother, fight, fight, FIGHT, FIGHT.

As I said in my last post that BBC have axed Ripper Street, well I've written to them and complained and I got a reply and basically they said that they have had a big response and are looking to see if Netflix will take on the series and then BBC will buy it off them and show it at a later date, in other words they don't want to pay to make another series but will buy the rights to air it after Netflix. This is what you pay your licence fee for folks so the BBC can not actually make any programmes just buy the rights off other companies to air programmes. Cheap skates.
Below is a petition to bring the show back to the BBC having to make it, please if you can spare 1 min of your time could you sign it, I would be very grateful as I don't watch much on TV LOL.

Usually during the winter there is a Oceanic Tour where we visit cities and towns and meet up with friends and customers from Oceanic. This year we are going to try to get up to York, Durham and around that area if we can but due to me being in Simbec for 6 weeks it has cut down the time we have to get out and about. What we were thinking is maybe having a get together in South Wales this time, just a meet up for a night out somewhere with a few drinks in a bar, nothing special, just a good drinks session somewhere. We have travelled around every winter to see people but never actually had a meeting where we live. I will post more details when date is sorted and will give you details of accommodation near so you won't have to drive anywhere and just enjoy the night.

If anyone has bought me a "Onesie" or if father Christmas brings me one you can take it back right now. They are the worst looking piece of lounge wear/night wear I have ever seen. They are not flattering, they look grubby and they are definitely not for wearing to the supermarket with UGG boots ladies. Just because someone who is partly famous has worn one of them outside doesn't mean its the height of fashion it just means they're an idiot. Two guys who were in the medical centre on another study wore them all day and they looked ridiculous in them. The only time a human should wear a Onesie is when they are born. Lets not fool ourselves, they are a giant babygrow but no one would buy one if that's what they were called so some bright spark came up with "Onesie" so they would sell. ITS A BABYGROW!

I rest my case LOL

Well it is almost Christmas time so I better wish all my wonderful friends, customers and blog readers and very merry Christmas and hope Santa brings you everything you've asked for or in the case of those of you who have been bad, Krampus is coming to get yah!


Serve All, Love All. Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Wednesday, 11 December 2013


How the devil are you my fine friends, customers and blog followers? I bet you've all done a hell of allot more than I have. I now only have 12 days to go. Haven't got cabin fever yet but I am running out of things to watch on the net.
Whilst in here I have been keeping an eye on what's going on on the rock. Not much if I'm being honest, lots of speculation and rumour but nothing of any real interest as yet but we shall see. I remember a rumour a few years ago that I wasn't going back to the island, fours years on I'm still here so don't always believe what you hear until it actually happens and that's the way I've always been. 
I'm still looking for stuff for the refurbishment of the bar but still not got a complete picture of what I want as I keep changing my mind on things I would like to do. The only thing definite is new floor, sofas, cocktails, frontage and lighting. I keep swapping the décor as got so many ideas but can't pin down the final look. What I do know is that it will still be the same chill out bar concept that I've had for the past 7 years, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
I've been hearing lots of exciting things from the outside world since I've been in here. Cars can now fly, illness is a thing of the past, cats living with dogs after a civil ceremony, Cricket has been banned due to killing people with boredom and Cheryl Cole can now sing live without miming........Well the first four are true but the fifth will always be fantasy LOL.
Well I have a little competition for my Facebook followers and blog followers:-
If there was anything that could be added to Oceanic what would you like to see? Now TV's, WIFI and Entertainment will never be part of the bar so if there is anything else please leave your suggestions on here or on Facebook, the main winner will get a £25 gift card voucher to spend in numerous stores in the UK. The winner will be notified and announced on here and Facebook in May. Then the gift card will be sent to your home address so it doesn't even matter if your not out to Zakynthos next season. I will also take a picture of the new addition to the bar and post it on the blog. It could be a piece of décor, a picture of a certain band or singer I may not have on the wall, a cocktail, anything you want so it has a wide scope for ideas.
As you know last month was "Movember", I decided to join in and grow a handlebar moustache. If I'm being honest I hated it and won't be doing it again. It itched, it got food smells on it, I could see it in my eye line when I ate, just horrible. But as promised I said I would take a picture for you all to see along side a look-a-like. And in conjunction with the film Despicable Me 2 being released I have actually got a minion with the same name as me, watch the film and you'll see. So in all its glory here is my horrible moustache and my twin. I was not allowed to bring in to the centre my cap, goggles and dungarees LOL.
                     Kevin the Oceanic owner                           Kevin the Minion

Also for those of you who first saw my latest hair style it took a few of you by surprise as its shaved to a No.1 at the back and sides and left long on top. One of my regulars said I looked like Hitler and I didn't even have a moustache then so this is a pic during shaving my moustache off.

                       Hitler                                                          Me
I've been compared to many people of who I look like but Hitler has to be the worst person anyone could look like, no wonder you don't see that type of moustache these days, who the hell would want to look like him. The worst thing is you couldn't even say its because your hero Charlie Chaplin had the same moustache as its just associated with the idiot that was Hitler. Anyway all moustache was shaved off at midnight on the 1st of Dec, wasn't going to leave it on 1 minute longer than I had to.
On to the world of TV, showbiz and entertainment.
Word has it that chav, bankrupt, queen of the jungle, Iceland mum Kerry Katona has landed the lead role in a musical about Marilyn Monroe. Could they have chosen anyone further from the real Marilyn. Don't get me wrong, when Kerry was first with Atomic Kitten years and years ago she was very attractive but now after pushing out a few kiddies, over eating, drug taking  and finding her natural foul mouthed gob again is she really the best they could find to cast in the role as Marilyn.

                 Marilyn Monroe                                            Pig in a Dress

I'm a Celebrity is all over and done with for another year.
Shock horror, Joey didn't win (even though ITV tried their hardest to make it so) but you know there is either going to be a Joey reality show or a remake of the film "Educating Rita" but due to it having a modern take on the classic they will use Joey.
Dai the Frock came a gallant second, well done the welsh boy, you did good, even though your last major contribution in the public eye was 32 years ago.
Worst camp mate for me was Mathew Wright, went in all friendly and scared and over the days his false mask dropped and turned in to a spitting venom snake of a man.
Best part of the show, Ant & Dec segments. Worst part of the show, everything else.
I've already had word of who they want for next years show:-

The "Me, Me, Me" Celebrity who only wants to talk about themselves - Richard Madeley (need I say more)
The Token American - Jake Lloyd (Who?) He played little Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars
The Soap Star - Coronation Streets Cat from the opening credits
The Sports Star - Eric the Fish who swam 100m freestyle slower than the world record for 200m
The Pop Star - Pinky of Pinky & Perky, after years of rehab since 1968 he's back.
The Eyecandy - Some unknown from the women's institute nude Christmas Calendar
The Pensioner - Any one of the Loose Women, they all look older than they are so take your pick
The Toff - The Duke of Shitterton 10 times removed (yes it is a real place)
The Journalist - Mystic Meg, at least she'll know when she's been voted out
The Thicko - TBA, can't find anyone thicker than Joey.

Sorry for leaking next years contestants but now we know there is no one of any interest on it like this year we can all go out or watch something else LOL.

The only TV programmes I really watch are Whitechapel and Ripper Street and to my disgust they have both been axed. What the hell is going on? Why would they want to axe gritty thrilling dramas like these with plenty of scope for story lines. How many period dramas do we need on TV about posh houses with women in big dresses and guys with stiff collars treating staff like slaves while sipping on pots of tea and having mountains of cake. How many times do we have to have repeats of Graham Norton and Eastenders when once is way more than enough. In the time of recession we have Nigel and Adams Farm Kitchen that unless you actually own a farm it would cost you a bloody fortune to go out and buy all the natural grown ingredients and meats to make the food they do.
Can you see what I mean about wasted cash on pointless programmes. Yes we know in the good old days it was upper class and lower class, yes we know Graham Norton is camp and laughs at his own jokes, Yes we know Albert square is the most depressing place on earth with the highest rate of unsolved murder cases, yes we know freshly grown natural veg and hand reared meat is better for you, so why the bloody hell they still on our TV, we know, we've seen, we get it, now drop the crap programmes LOL.

As you know from previous posts on here when I'm out and about I love finding signs in the UK or abroad. They may be misspelt, funny names or just plain weird signs but I've found a great sign here in Simbec above the toilet. We don't have urinals here in the gents we have just normal toilets like you have in your bathroom and above it is this sign:-

I did find a flaw in this sign. When I first noticed it I decided to read it thorough but by the time I had read it all I looked down and I had wet the seat, the floor and my slippers because it took so long to read. Please place this sign on the toilet door, not above the toilet as it is a hazard LOL.
Note:- I didn't wet everywhere, that was just for comedy purposes, I have perfect aim like a sniper.
I was on youtube just browsing and came across this. I took my motorcycle test quite a while ago but little did I know that someone was filming it, for reasons unknown. To take my test I had to take it on an American highway patrol motorbike while wearing a motorcycle patrol uniform and called me Donny, don't ask me why but I passed my test anyway LOL.
Not long now till I'll be going to see Depeche Mode in concert but I'm a bit sad. I don't get to see many live gigs in the winter as the main ones are all in the UK in the summer. So to get me in the mood for the concert I've been watching some live concerts online, watched Pink Floyd, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Limp Bizkit, Sex Pistols, Prodigy, Guns N Roses and of course Depeche but I came across this, its Slash from his UK tour in 2011. On vocals is Myles Kennedy from the band Alter Bridge who are also pretty good. The concert is called "Made in Stoke" and I have to say I wish I had gone to it, really good. So here it is if you fancy a watch. Enjoy.
Well my fine readers as God said to Moses "That's your lot and will do for now until I can think of some more, now go"
Serve All. Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Friday, 29 November 2013


So I am now 2 weeks in to my 6 week stretch and no side effects as yet, still being prodded and pocked, blood samples and lung test, peeing in tubes and being feed and stuffed ready for Christmas. I now know what a turkey feels like a few weeks before Christmas LOL.

Every day is the same in here:-

5.45am - I wake up every morning at this time without the aid of a alarm clock or a wake up call, bit annoying really.
6.30am - I head in to the shower and get myself ready for the day.
8am - Nurses come in and wake up the other human guinea pigs, I mean study volunteers. ECG pads attached to our bodies which must be kept on all day.
9am - The first of our main tests for the day, ECG, Blood Pressure, Blood Samples, Spirometry test (lung test), Neurological test (Brain Test)  and Urine test.
11am - Breakfast, 2 slices of brown toast & Bran Flakes
1pm - Second main test ECG, Blood Pressure, Spirometry test and Neurological test.
After tests its lunchtime, Ham Salad, crisps and piece of fruit (Variety of main meals to choose from)
3pm - ECG and Blood Pressure.
5pm - ECG and Blood Pressure.
After tests its tea time, Choice of 2 main meals and 2 desserts.
9pm - ECG and Blood Pressure.
After tests its supper time, a nice banana.
Then rip of the ECG pads (thank god) and relax watching TV till time for sleep 12-1am.

Repeat for 42 days, without any exercise and maybe 5mins a week fresh air break outside LOL.

So I haven't really got much to tell you, its a bit like the film Groundhog Day but I have been watching more TV than ever before and my question is, why the hell is there a TV licence as TV is so crap?

So lets start with "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here". Now this I usually watch if I can, I know shock horror, but if it wasn't for Ant & Dec I most probably wouldn't watch it as there little bits in the show are the best bits, oh and the eating bush tucker trials. So as I settle down to watch it I think to myself, "These celebs are definitely the bottom of the barrel". And that Joey Essex.... please, really? How good an actor is he? I know he's from that fake show TOWIE,  how can someone be as thick as pig swill? He Say's he "Only knows what he needs to know", he's got no general knowledge at all in that case.  He says he's never known how to blow his nose, so no one has every told him to blow his nose and teach him in 23 years, what does he do just let it dribble out or keep his nose blocked? He thinks a cabbage is a lettuce, so he's had lettuce on a Sunday roast? He can't tell the time with a standard watch, so everywhere he's ever been without wearing a watch he didn't know what time it was? He thought hail stones were snow, so he's never seen hail stones ever before in his 23 years on this planet without someone saying to him "That's hail stones". Either he really is that thick and was brought up in a dark room along with mushrooms till someone let him out to appear on TOWIE or he's been acting thick for so long on TOWIE that he can't get out of character, I think its the later of the two. The UK must be the only country in the world that rewards people for being brainless idiots. Anyone visiting the UK from abroad and watching the programme must be thinking "We thought we got it bad but the UK people are dumb as hell".
Now on to SKY as we have SKY TV in the medical centre. I don't have SKY at home, used to years and years ago, maybe last time I had it was 2000 but why do people pay the crazy monthly price for channels that repeat programmes over and over again in one day? I have only been in the medical centre for 2 weeks and I've seen the same programmes and movies on certain channels twice within 1 day and 8 times within 2 weeks. I guess they keep repeating them for the whole of a month and they'll change in December, so glad I don't have SKY myself anymore. My Smart TV is better than SKY, I can watch all my sport, movies and certain programmes on it all for free and when I want to watch them.
Stobarts - a programme about a trucking company. I have seen these trucks but do we really need a programme about them, its not exactly ice road truckers is it. I learnt in today's programme how to check if a load is strapped down & secured properly, twang the straps, BRILLIANT! What a trucker eats while on a journey, prawn salad, AMAZING! What happens if a lorry is overweight with wood chippings, take some off, GROUND BREAKING! What makes a certain truck driver deliver his load on time to Cornwall, get to Cornwall before his favourite pasty shop closes, GENIUS!

As I was watching rubbish on TV I started thinking back to Zakynthos and what it must have been like when tourism first started there, so I decided to look for some old pics of the first British tourists who came to the island and I found these:-

For this gent it was his first trip outside of good old Blighty , in those days sun tan lotion was lard with no UV protection, if no lard then a suit, shirt and tie must be worn at all times. He was told by his neighbour that the foreign sun can burn your eyes out, so Mr. Chumley Higenbottom was taking no chances.

News from medical scientist in the UK said that you can be protected from UV rays in foreign lands if you sit behind glass. This health conscious young lady decided to take her own glass panel with her to sit behind, well done Betty, good thinking.

This unfortunate gent was told that if he hired a boat and paddled out about 50m that he would see turtles. On seeing a turtle he stood up to have a better view and forgot he was on water and fell head first back in to the boat. Due to the hospital being full with young whipper snappers from Laganas he had to carry the boat around on his head for another week.

Zakynthos town now, this tourist decided to visit for some food. after asking for bread and dripping he was presented with Lamb Kleftiko. On seeing the dish he said loud and slowly " I WANT BREAD AND DRIPPING.I'm not eating this foreign muck, I want English food" to which the waiter stood him up and hit him over the head with his chair.
There was a huge language barrier in the first days of tourism.

The live entertainment when tourism first started was very limited but they still had tribute acts even in those days here is Johann Sebastian BARK tribute act.

And finally here is the first ever hen night to Laganas. These ladies partied hard for 1 week on a daily diet of tea and scones then an afternoon sherry. They were always degrading themselves and seen as a disgrace to women as they were always getting their ankles out, boy did these ladies know how to enjoy themselves.

Now then, what's this I hear from Oceanic's facebook.....CHRISTMAS TREE CRUMPETS, WOW!
That is so not fair, imagine what I can do with those, that would be a great day in the Kevlar kitchen, so much scope for decoration and toppings. They better still be available when I get out or I'll be soooooo mad.
I hate Christmas but I love crumpets.
Also I was told that someone was asking about how come I'm not in Toys R Us, well, they know I do these medical trials and are very kind in letting me have the time off to do the trials that I get if it coincides with work time at the store.

So it's now day 18 of 42 and its all going well and it wont be long before I'm back in the outside world on the 23rd with my beautiful girl, can't wait to see her. Helen is taking me to Iceland (frozen food store not the country) as soon as I get out. The adverts during I'm a celeb have made me want to buy shares in the company, I'm definitely getting the beef garland and all that nibble party food, mmmmmmmmm buffets. Also with getting out on the 23rd I miss having to do decorations and Christmas shopping , WOOHOO! LOL
On the next update I will be posting pictures of my moustache I have grown for Movember, its really starting to get on my nerves now but only 1 more day then it can come off, thank god. Growing this moustache has been more uncomfortable than the study I'm on.
I'm sure i had something else to tell you .......................... ah well, can't remember.
So that's it for this update so until a fortnights time for the next bomb shell, explosive update, I shall say "hwyl fawr".
Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Friday, 15 November 2013

And so it begins...........44 days and counting!

And how the devil are we? Are you all well? Yes I know, its raining, cold and grey and we all can't wait till its Zakynthos time.
Just a quick add on to my last post before I start the update, this advertising poster was still up in Costa Coffees (other coffee shops are available) window, 7 days after Halloween. Drives me mad when an event has passed and businesses leave advertising which is out of date.
Well the winter so far has been going swimmingly don't you know. Been getting out whenever I can to go to Swansea, out for walks, and out to go food shopping, mmmmmmmmm love food shopping, Co op's shares must go down when I go back to Zakynthos LOL. I also enjoy my days out to Swansea and having a walk around, chillin out in Costa's with my caramel latte and granary toast while I read in the daily rags reporting which z list celebrity has snogged another z list celebrity. Winter is also a terrible time for me due to the fact its "crap factor" and "strictly come boredom" time. Why are these programmes still going? Not that I watch much TV but talk about dragging it out, do they both have to use up 2 nights of valuable air time?
On my way back home from Swansea there is a column with the writing of Dylan Thomas on it, I think he was writing it about me LOL.

Also on TV at the moment is Masterchef: The Professionals, now as you know my crumpet range is second to none and all the famous TV chefs and Jamie Oliver are shaking in their boots at the thought of me opening my chain of Crumpet Creation eateries but just to show you once again I'm not a one trick pony and can mix it with the big boys I made a Parsnip, Sweet potato and Apple soup with honey, a side of a flat bread with sun dried tomatoes, garlic and herbs and for dessert mini meringues with a mango filling and a fig & Mandarin sauce. How posh am I?

Well I'm now back in my 4th home Simbec. This medical study was on a knife edge if I was going to be on it or not. Took my pre-medical, blood tests were fine, BMI was perfect, urine sample fine, lung test was perfect, ECG test for blood pressure and heart rate was fully fit but my test for TB came back borderline. A re-take of blood test for TB was taken and it came back negative the second time, Phew, must stop hanging around with that badger family LOL.

This study is 42 days in house and 7 return out-patient visits. Walk in the park (NOTE:- The study is not me walking in a park, I mean that's how easy it will be). The staff here do make the stay allot easier, always helpful and friendly, also they always seem to be extremely happy, must be all the drugs they're around.
For the first 3 days I was wired up to so many machines, one of the machines when turned on sounds like the theme from "Magic Roundabout". Had a blood pressure unit on for 24hrs that took readings every half hour during day and every hour through the night, Vital signs tracker on 24hrs a day, telemetry unit plugged in for 12hrs a day and 5 times a day another blood pressure unit attached along with another ECG unit, these are attached just to take readings at certain times of the day and then taken straight back off again. the good thing about doing these studies is that I get a body M.O.T. every year. You'd pay a fortune to have it done privately.
Once all these units are attached I am winched up to the roof where I am left until a storm comes and then a lightning conductor waits for just one bolt of lightning to strike and bring me back to life after which I become, IMMORTAL!
No, sorry that's Frankenstein isn't it? Not me. My apologies.
Once all these units are attached I am lowered in to a water bath where my skeletal system is reinforced with adamantium, I will then burst out of the water chamber and seek vengeance on all those who have crossed me as I have become, IMMORTAL!
Hang on, sorry, got it wrong again haven't I, that's Wolverine isn't it? Not me, oops, my apologies once again.
Once all these units are attached they take all the readings and see if there are any changes between before and after the drug is administered. The first 3 days are a bit manic having all the wires attached all day but now we are in to day 5 and its just vital sign readings taken 5 times a day and the rest is just relaxing. Not my favourite thing to do if i'm being honest but its all for a good cause so I can handle it. Its a Jeremy Kyle guests lifetime dream to lay in bed all day, watching TV and getting paid for it LOL.
The food here is also sooooo good but having to eat 4 times a day between 11am and 9pm every day is a real struggle for me as I only have 1 meal a day usually with some toast in the morning, that's it.
We have at 11am cereal and toast , 1pm a baguette of our choice, crisps and piece of fruit, 5pm a choice of main meal and dessert for example Chicken Korma rice and chips with sticky toffee pudding and custard for after, then at 9pm we have a wide choice of snacks including pies, pasty or sausage roll. So as you can see we're well looked after and the canteen staff again are always very helpful and happy. This place must be the happiest place in the world, its like Disney land with drugs LOL.
So as I said we are on day 5, think my release date is Christmas eve. Wow, just thought, its been a long time since I've heard those words "Release date" ha ha.

Here is a pic of me when I'm fully wired up, I had to draw in the leads that come off the blue pads on my body as i couldn't take a pic when they were attached but that is exactly what I had to wear for 3 days..

Its Movember, so I have joined in with this honourable month and have been growing my moustache for 5 days so far, I was going to post a pic of it but thought I would wait till my final day and take a pic before I shave it off, by then it should be a lovely bushy looking thing but its already starting to annoy me when eating so will be glad when I can shave it off. I've gone for a Hulk Hogan, no, Paul senior from Orange County Choppers, no no, even better, a James Hetfield from Metallica moustache, ah yes, that's it, forget all the others, the ultimate moustache, Derek Smalls from Spinal Tap.

My moustache idols LOL.

We shall see if I can match my moustache idols LOL.

One thing I forgot to say in the last update about the bar was it is no longer up for sale, I did have a few enquiries this season from people about buying it but as I said, I'm staying put and upgrading it.

Well my fine friends and lovely customers, its time to say farewell for now as I'm about to be strapped to a metal sprung bed and electrocuted till I talk, nope, sorry, that's John Rambo from First Blood Part 2 isn't it? Sorry, keep getting it wrong. I mean I'm about to be plugged in to check my vital signs, my mistake and then lunch time.

So until a fortnights time for the next thrilling, rip roaring instalment of my blog,

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar out!

Sunday, 3 November 2013

I'm afraid to say Oceanic is no more!

Well guess what.....I'm back in Britain, back to boredom, boring food (in pubs and restaurants) , bad weather and crap TV. No wonder i don't miss it LOL.

So lets start from the last blog update up till the present.

The tour companies really have stuck the boot in to the island for Oct with regards to flights and package holidays. After the first week of Oct allot of the hotels started to close which is a big problem for the hoteliers which in turn has a knock on effect to the restaurants, shops and bars. Most of the people who were coming in to the resort after the first week were staying all inclusive as that was a majority of the hotels that were left open on the tour companies books. On the old road come the end of the second week of Oct there was only myself and Yoyo's open along with Angelina supermarket and Dennis next door to me. Not good at all. I remember in my first 2 seasons that everywhere was open till the very last week of Oct. After the 16th of Oct the only accommodations still open were Meandros hotel and Antonis apt on the old road. The season is meant to be 6 months from start to finish but its being cut shorter and shorter every year down to nearly just 4 months which for businesses with high rent and staffing costs means they only have 4 months to make 6 months costs, difficult.

Anywhoo, my last few weeks went really well, better than i expected considering how dead the resort was. Had nearly all new customers which is a bonus as most of my repeat customers had come out in Sept as they couldn't get out for Oct like they usually do due to flights being stopped in Oct. So again Sept was a major bumper month compared to previous Septembers due to this fact.

Dog relaxing in the bar during the last week open, awwww, she's had the snip LOL.

No this isn't a bat, its a little kitten that appeared in Oceanic during the last week who has now been re-homed in the UK, cute little thing, still prefer dogs.

And as always the last sunset before i left for the UK, BOO, HOO!

Now every year i put up a sign once I'm closed. I always pack away the bar in the dark of night as you never know who's watching to see what i pack away. So at 2.30am on my last night i got to work taking all my lights down, packing furniture away and making sure its all secure and tucked up cosy for the winter. This year i forgot to put my winter sign up and actually had it in my bag and found it when i got home, so here is the sign that should be on the bar now but its in Wales instead LOL.

So as the headline says "Oceanic is no more" for this season that is. I know maybe some people on the island will be thinking I've done a runner as one minute the bar was open and the next it was all locked up and i had gone but I'm afraid not, its business as usual and I'll be back next season, so that's put that rumour to bed for the winter. Also it seems my bar is getting a lot of attention while I'm not there from people who never actually come in to see me when I'm there and open, strange eh? Don't worry, I'll be back in 5 months so you can come and see me then if you want, I'm always there to welcome new customers with open arms LOL.
So now to summaries the season, i opened, i worked bloody hard, i had my best season so far (yes again), i closed. Think that's about it.
Oh yes, i forgot one more thing. As i have always written on my blog, the bar isn't about me, i just open up. make and serve the drinks and you my wonderful customers create the atmosphere each and every night. Without you the Oceanic is nothing. Its down to you that Oceanic is as successful as it is. Your conversation, your laughter and your company. So this is a huge huge massive thank you to all the the friends and customers old and new for making 2013 such an amazing season. Your the reason i continue trying to improve Oceanic as you deserve the best i can give you, many many thanks once again.
Oh yes, the news about the bar, well, the whole bar is having a full make over before next season, new floor being laid, new walls with new wall art, new lighting, new ceiling design, new bar signage, new bar, new frontage, new inside design, new weather proofing and wait for it new furniture, WWWOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH! In saying all that the concept is staying the same, just good music and good drinks with great prices, so its still going to be a comfortable chill out bar but hopefully even more comfortable than the previous seasons. As i always say, No TVs, No WIFI, No Entertainment, No Karaoke or Quiz, No Gimmicks, No stress, No hassle, just a plain, simple, friendly bar for customers to relax, chat and enjoy.
And just to prove the bar has "NO WIFI" Helen has had a sign especially made for Oceanic.
I had been planning for weeks to surprise Helen with my arrival back home, i told everyone i was going home on 27th Oct so nothing would get out, i had Helen pestering me day after day to go home on the 25th before the weekend and i had to stay calm and plan it well insisting i wasn't coming home till the Sunday. I booked my flight home for 24th to Manchester, booked a hotel room in Manchester for the night as i arrived late, booked train tickets home for the 25th to surprise Helen as she got off the train from work. This seasons home coming was better than any before, the sight of my beautiful girl so excited to see me as she run towards me was the best feeling ever. It was so good, i almost had a tear, nope, it was a piece of dirt in my eye ha ha.
So now to whats been going on at home, absolutely bugger all, bored, bored, bored due to crap weather. Well not completely true, as i haven't really stopped since i arrived home.  I start at Toys R Us once again at the end of Nov which will be my 13th year with them but i may be on one of my medical trials which this time lasts for 6 weeks. Its a very long study which is great, lots of laying around with 4 meals a day, morning papers brought to your bed, sky TV, wifi, good company and a little bonus of a payment at the end of it. There is a down side to this, well for me there is and that is not being able to go outside or do any exercise, that's the big problem for me as I'm always on the go and not one for sitting and laying around, hate it.
Now then, call me Mr. Normal but isn't Halloween and Bonfire night just 1 day of the year, 31st Oct and 5th Nov. So how can you have Halloween for a whole week and firework displays all week, ITS JUST ONE DAY! Christmas Day (baby jebus birthday) is just one day, we give presents on one day, that's it. I can't go around saying "its my birthday week", no, its also just one day. So from now on if i see a coffee shop, pub or restaurant with Halloween dec's up before the 31st i am going to boycott it. When i sit down with my caramel latte and granary toast i don't want a skeleton stood next to me and spiders web over my shoulder when its not actually Halloween. Also when Halloween is over please take all that crap down LOL.
Talking of Christmas, this lovely (snigger's under his breath) Christmas display is already up in the co-op's coffee shop, this was taken on 30th Oct. Really? Does it need to be up so soon, give us a break.


Myself and Helen went to see the film about Paul Potts "One Chance" it wasn't to bad, bit more of a chick flick but it was easy watching. Before we went to cinema we went for drinks in Frankie and Benny's. Helen had a Cosmopolitan and i had a Non-Alcoholic cocktail and i was shocked. For 2 cocktails, one a short glass and the other no alcohol it cost me £11. What the f.........! Your kidding me right? For the same 2 drinks in Oceanic that would cost £4.85, and it would taste stronger, and its made with branded spirits, and you get the whole shaker of Cosmopolitan (3 short glasses). How can anyone complain abroad about the price of drinks when the UK is a total rip off. Oh yes, and this wasn't in a major city like London, Manchester or Preston, no, this was in the bumpkin town of Carmarthen.

The over-priced evidence, really not worth it.

As i was walking around the shops, browsing, trying to spot the shop lifters and killing time i spotted this sign on the escalators in M & S, The sign says "Take extra care when wearing soft plastic shoes" with the image of a Croc Shoe above it. I think it should say "Take extra care when wearing anywhere soft plastic shoes that look like Croc's, you may look like an idiot" LOL. Sorry, Croc wearers, just a little joke but come on, they're not really a good look with socks or when its raining.

Been getting excited about my next concert in Jan, Depeche Mode. My very good friends Chris & Sandra are going to see them in Leeds this month, so jealous, you'll have a great time. As for my concert my world watched actor nephew Leighton Kyle is still trying to sort the train tickets out to Birmingham, "Come on man, pull your finger out". So for anyone going to see them here is "Never Let me Down" live. It makes the hairs on my arms stand up every time i watch it, it even made them stand up just talking about this part of the concert to Chris & Sandra. Enjoy.

Well folks its back to life back to reality, there's a song there somewhere. So the updates will now be every fortnight as usual during the winter. Don't think there will be many sunny pics or spectacular views to be added over the next few months but you never know, we did have 10 sunny days last winter LOL.

Before i forget, the people who have paid for t-shirts for me to send to them when i got back to the UK they will be sent on Tuesday so don't worry i have got them here

I was left a comment on my last update about the haggis in my fridge, its ok, I had it frozen till that picture then I de-frosted it and ate it. what a great meal that was, I loved it. More please ha ha.

So until 2 weeks time, either from Toys R Us or the medical centre, i shall bid you farewell.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Thursday, 17 October 2013

Last Bar Standing - Is there anybody out there!

Blog date 17/10 in the year of our lord 2013, As I stand here alone in the bar typing this, its strange, its isolated, the old road is no more for the season apart from one lone light in the darkness, one ray of hope, an iconic beacon in the distance,
HEY - HEY , IT'S ME! TURNED OUT NICE AGAIN AIN'T IT! Sorry, that's George Formby isn't it, not me, oh well.

So the weather here is starting to turn now, high winds, monsoon rain, thunder, lightning, frogs, plagues of locusts. Sorry that's bible isn't it, not Zakynthos, oh well.

You can tell the winter is moving in quite quickly this season, never known an Oct in 13 years to have the weather change so quickly from day to day, hour to hour. One minute I'm actually getting some sun time then within half an hour the clouds are over and raining.
The bar is now in bad weather lock down mode, the inside is now a comfortable cosy lounge and outside is also lovely and cosy with my outdoor heater burning away keeping the last of the tourists warm and happy.

My lovely little bar, I quite like it like this.

The old road last night at 7.30pm, well its not completely true that I'm the only one open but I am the only bar open, you have Hera, Angelina and Nikos at the supermarket, Dennis next door to me open till 5pm and Yo Yo's and just around the corner Zepos is still going.

The new strip, its just as empty, pity anyone coming out for the last 2 weeks, poor sods LOL.

I have already made my new menu for next season and added some new creations including this one "Elegantly Wasted", Archers, Kiwi liqueur, pineapple and milk. The trial runs have been very popular so its on there ready for next season.

Over the season I have been asked about my crumpet creations, everyone has said they look lovely but a few of the creations have been a bit weird, so I'm told. But as you've seen I can actually cook real good food. Now being as I've run out of crumpets there will be no more crumpet creations this season. I know, I know your all gutted, so I have been doing a bit of cooking. So Kevlars School of Cooking excellence brings you 3 meals ideal for a cold mornings at 4am after you close a bar.

First we have a standard classic, minced beef with onion and gravy over butter & cream mashed potatoes, mmmmmm, just look at that steam coming off it, now that's proper food,

Next a chicken and mushroom pie with cream, now this wasn't a complete success, I greased the pie dish with butter so I could turn it out to take a pic for you all but the pastry slid down the sides of the greased dish and just created a thick base instead, DOH!

Again this wasn't a complete success as the pastry shrank on the top, it was looking really good when I popped it in the oven, this is a steak and onion pie. This was my favourite even though it looks like a car crash in a pot it tasted wonderful, as I've said before, just because something looks fancy doesn't mean it will taste good.

As you know the weather is pretty changeable these days so on my travels around the town and resort I have taking a few snap shots that have caught my eye.

This was a rainbow that I saw on my way down from my house, shame its out at sea as I would have chased it, I'll find that leprechaun one day and when I do that pot of gold is mine and if he won't give it to me I'll beat the living snot out of him for it LOL.

This is one of the rare days that I got to a pool, I went to the Sirocco Hotel, lovely there. 30 Min's after taking this pic I was laid by the pool and it started to rain, bloody typical, thought that the cloud was stuck on Mount Skopos as it wasn't moving anywhere, bloody stupid cloud.

This is a rare glimpse of blue sky from our house yesterday. I thought it was going to stay bad all day but at 6.45pm it broke just for 15mins, enough time for me to get to bar then the heavens opened again, god must be on my side, well after all, I do work for him ha ha.

As you know I can't drive a car so its motorbikes all the way come hell and high water. But with everything when biking you must check that all lights are working before you head out, headlight, indicators, back light, brake light and not forgetting the reflective strips on my waterproof suit. Check, they work.

And this is me auditioning for a lead role in the next Power Rangers Movie. I may look stupid but not as stupid as the wet locals on their bikes in hoodies and puffer jackets who are soaked through and freezing.

Before I go home I decided to take in a Zakynthos Town football match, unfortunately instead of going to the pitch I had been to watch them at before I went to the one by the hospital, guess what, they were playing at the other pitch. So here I am sat alone watching an empty pitch.

I took my good friends Jan and Phil for lunch to a restaurant I hadn't eating in before on the port road. Now I will say over the years I have eaten in most of the port road restaurants and to be honest was never overly impressed with them, the smaller tavernas on the back streets are much better.
This restaurant sells mainly fish and I've never been a fish food lover but over the years I've been trying more and more fish so thought now was the time to try this restaurant. Its called Thymalos, and wow was I impressed, so impressed I went back by myself for sunday dinner.
I had the usual bread and water, 1/2 Ltr white wine, Fried battered feta cheese with honey and sesame seeds, octopuss in vinegar, cheese croquets, stuffed vine leaves and white bait (38 of them). Guess how much all that cost, go on guess, I bet you can't guess (why do people say that about guessing).
18.50€, that's amazing, 18.50€ for all that. I usually pay 5-6€ just for octopuss in vinegar.

My meal fit for a king.

Man V Food got nothing on me, and here is the end result, bugger all left. Stuffed.

Talking of meals I come in to the bar one night and thought to myself "Whats that smell, I know it but can't remember what it is" as I made my way in behind the bar I looked down and there on the floor was a carrier bag with the remains of a Sunday roast. Only the veg was left. Someone (and I know who it was, people tell me everything) had come in to my bar, through the closed sign chain and placed the bag behind the bar for the cats that are around. WHAT THE .............! Now don't get me wrong, cats are OK, I'm not a big fan of them but I wouldn't harm one but when you feed a cat somewhere they keep coming back. So now I've got to keep a super soaker water rifle behind the bar to chase them off the little buggers, its like bloody animal kingdom in the bar now what with dogs, cats,  lizards, frogs and beetles visiting at some point.

The evidence. how silly some grown ups are LOL.

After seeing that bag of left over Sunday roast I thought to myself, well even the cats get fed better than me.
I went home that night to my fridge freezer and decided to make myself some lovely food. I forgot you actually have to have food to make a meal, My freezer contained just freezer packs for picnics. Why have I got these? I have never used them in 13 years and always freeze them every year, never gone on a picnic to actually use them. My fridge wasn't much better, 1 small can of Mythos, 1 half used tub of butter, 1 packet of tortellini pasta, 1 haggis and 1 bottle of Bollinger, Not exactly a Ready steady Cook carrier bag is it LOL.

Once used as a hideaway by Saddam Hussain

Now what can I make out of this lot, I know, I got it!

As the season slows down I start to run down the stock for when I close and I've been drinking the John Smiths as its no good by next season. After numerous pints, I did it, all gone. Thank god as I was getting sick of drinking them. Then one day when I came in to open I could see a John Smiths can on the bar, "strange" I thought, I never had a Can last night, how is there an empty on the bar. It wasn't an empty, one of my lovely customers decided to make my nightmare continue by leaving me a full can and a note, all I can say very sarcastically is "THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH" LOL.

And to finish off this weeks blog I saw this poster by our house, is this the cheesiest advertising poster you've ever seen, the Greek singer looks like hybrid of Lionel Blair and Liberache (that's if you know who I'm talking about of course), could have done his lipstick properly though.

I've got a cat that sits outside the door of the house every day, I've never let it in, I've never fed it, I've never encouraged it but its got a meow like its smoked 100 cigs a day.

It looks like I got a final date of when I'm leaving the rock, 29th Oct to Gatwick. Still nothing booked yet but got a bit of work to do on the bar after I close ready for the work that's being done on it during the winter so that date looks the most likely.

Oh yes almost forgot, the great news about the bar. No, I'll leave that for my last update from the island. And no Lee and Emma its not a Bucks Fizz theme bar although there is a Depeche Mode Theme bar in Estonia, I feel a road trip coming on, Leighton, get the tent LOL.

Just been down (10.30pm) to supermarket opposite Drunk Corner as its the only one open late and you won't believe it but Oceanic has the most people in and I've only got 10 in, its so sad to see the resort so quiet and the season is still going, bloody tour operators.

So until my final blog entry from the island next week

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!