Sunday 1 February 2015

WINTER SEASON 8, EPISODE 3, "If retirement is gonna be like this god help me"

Well, well, well, if it isn't update time. About time I know.
 
So its been 4 weeks since I finished at Toys R Us and what have I done.................BUGGER ALL!
I am starting to go stir crazy, how the Jeremy Kyle guests and viewers cope I don't know, sitting around all day in their onesies eating left over kebab from the night before for breakfast while seeing if one of their relatives have managed to get on the show. How the other half live LOL.
 
So I will have to talk about general topics that have arisen over the past month as I've been more of a hermit than Herman and his.
 
Lets begin with my cold. Now lots of people think when men get a cold its called "Man Flu" but its only women who call it that. The fact is its just a cold but isn't a cold just a pain in the ass. It makes you feel like poop and for me I don't take tablets at all so I just roll with it but I will do everything I can to shake the little beggar. Hot fresh honey and lemon, warm rooms and stay tucked up under a quilt to drive it out. It also come at a bad time for me as I have been offered another medical study so needed to get clear of it before my pre-medical which I had last week.
Yes its human guinea pig time.
This time its 4 visits over 4 weeks staying in 3 nights every week. On the first Day of each visit I have to have.........wait for it........23 needles within 15 hours. OUCH! Good job I don't have a problem with needles.
I passed my ECG, Blood Pressure tests and doctors examination so now just waiting for my blood and urine sample test results to come back tomorrow
 
Dear blog readers, please do not panic with the news I am about to tell you.
BEWARE! We are about to have........WEATHER! YES, you read right.......WEATHER!
In Summer we may have......SUN! In Autumn we may have.........RAIN! In Spring we may have.........FROST! and now we are in Winter and we may have.........SNOW! So please everybody if you see white flakes falling from the sky this is called "Snow". The first thing you must do is get your phone, take a picture and put it on facebook. No one has ever seen snow before so make sure you do this at the very first sight of a flake. I am not on facebook so here is my pictures of "Snow" so you know exactly what to look out for.
 
Snow to the front of me.


 

Snow to the back.


If you see this cold white matter do not, I repeat, DO NOT PANIC! It will go away eventually.
On a serious note, why oh why oh why do the news and papers make such a big thing about snow.
IT HAPPENS EVERY BLOODY YEAR, ITS NOT A MIRACLE, ITS NOT A PHENOMENON, ITS NOT A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EVENT, ITS BLOODY WINTER!

Christmas came and went as I said without any major event but I did get a good stock of Jack Daniels. I have a very good taste for Jack Daniels Honey at the moment i was so pleased to get 2 large bottles in my Christmas sock (stockings are for girls) and a bottle of  Winter Jack Daniels, very nice it is too. Do not be alarmed, I have not turned in to an alcoholic again but I am trying real hard LOL.


EVERYBODY SING ALONG!
"Its rant time, everybody loves a rant time, we all love a rant time, IT'S RANT TIME!"

TV shows, more to the point, so called Talent TV reality shows. You know the ones, they show off skills for everyday things like cooking.
I think the first show was Masterchef which started in 1990 with loyd Grossman. We still have that show 25 years on only now its gone from home cooks, to Celebrities to Professionals. Then we have the very popular "Great British Bake Off", I can understand that, we like a slice of cake with a cup of tea every now and again. Stretching it a bit we then had "The Great British Sewing Bee", now we may be getting people just a bit to excited with sewing needle skills. BBC's jewel in the crown "The Big Allotment Challenge", this where allotment owners are challenged to grow a vegetable that looks like something rude, you know what I mean, like what Esther Rantzen would give the cross eyed bloke on "That's Life" so he could make up a rude innuendo about it while sat in his leather studded chair and smoking jacket on, what was all that about!
What the hell we gonna have next, "Britain's Great Match Model Building Show", "The Great British Tea Stewing" , "Master Complainer", " The Trainspotting Factor". STOP ALREADY! Stop rewarding people with plastic trophies and a book deal for doing mundane crap past times.

Talking of pastimes, I have decided in April 2016 I am going to trek to the top of Machu Picchu in Peru for charity with an official organisation who arranges people to make the trek in aid of whatever charity they like. Now I can choose the charity that I want to raise money for and will need to organise my own sponsorship. I wanted to do the hike to raise money for the mentally handicapped children's school on the island as the school is looking very tired and the play area is very old and not that safe looking if I'm being honest. There is a problem though, I don't think they will class the school as an official charity so I have decided to do the trek for a similar UK charity but not sure which one. I would like to do it for one of the smaller children's charities that the funding would help allot more.
Why next year? Well it will take time to find sponsorship. Before I even step on the plane I need to show I have £3500 sponsorship which I will be donating Myself and then more sponsorship will be raised to hopefully raise allot for the chosen charity, so this is why I've aimed at April 2016 as April is when they start to do the charity treks. It's a 24 mile trek up to the peak of 2,430 metres where the Inca settlement lies.

Here is an artists impression of what my charity trek will look like.


Note:- Sing the next part to the melody of Mistletoe and Wine by Cliff Richard. We can still mention Sir Cliff can't we?
"Easter time, chocolate eggs are mine. Bunnies called Frank making bonnets in time. With kids throwing up, because of their greed, but what about Jesus, what about him indeed".
Yes its Almost Easter, well its not really. Children, Easter is about the resurrection of Jesus not chocolate eggs, ask your parents about what the significance of the egg is to the story of Jesus.
Even though Easter is ages away the choccie eggs are on the shelves already, so are Cadbury Crème Egg Biscuits. These are now the King of Biscuits. It was Caramel Chocolate Digestives but NOM,NOM,NOM, these bad boys are soooooooo GOOOOOD!


HANG ON! What the hell is going on? There is No Gooooo in my biscuit. I have taken photographic evidence and I am planning a major campaign to get compensation of half shares in Cadbury World.
Did you know Cadbury World is in Bourneville which is also a bar of chocolate by Cadbury. How strange is that?

No Gooooo underneath it.


No Gooooo inside it, I feel so cheated LOL.


Got no updates from the Rock or about the bar, All pretty low key this year as you know last year was a huge year with a complete refurbishment but there may be some huge news on an addition to the bar, can't say too much at the moment as only made first approach to a company this weekend and I'm not that confident in the reply as they must get thousands of approaches each day but you never know, stranger things have happened, WATCH THIS BLOG. I don't mean just watch it, I mean read it but keep an eye on it for the update. I don't mean keep an eye on it like someone is going to steal it as you can't steal a blog. You can hack a blog but I think the Koreans have got bigger fish to fry.

So what does the future hold for me until the next update. Well, boredom, bad weather, healthy eating and no more alcohol until mid March after my medical research. That means no pints while watching the 6 nations rugby. How am i going to cope with that I don't know. Will have to shout at the TV without being drunk. Mind you that's easy when we're playing Enn-geer-land. Only joking you lovely English, No excuses for any loses though you red rose wearing chariot drivers OK. I know what its going to be already "6 of our first team are out injured". Come on now, you still got great players and think you will do well but I think it will be Ireland's year again and Scotland look much improved so they could be dark horses. Wales I will say second place even though it sticks in my throat but I'm being honest.

So until an update from my research bed I shall bid ye farely well my good followers.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

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