Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Make TEA a class "A" drug.

Over the years i have found more and more people becoming addicited to a little known drug called "TEA". There have been reports of people even taking the risk of smuggling their own pouches of the drug on to the island in things which are called "TEA BAGS", like all well known drugs it has its variation of names, Earl Grey (a very potent mixture) Camomile (a devious blend) Oolong (a lethal leaf) Tetley (makes you hallucinate and see tiny men in cloth caps} and the most sinister of all PG Tips (this makes monkeys talk).

I've heard a lady in her late 70's explaining to me that she can't start her day without her fix of "TEA" and that the tea in greece doesn't taste the same as at home, obviousley this lady has a dealer she uses back in the uk. I was shocked when one of my customers told me they have at least 20 cups of tea a day which is a very lethal dose for most people but he had been hooked on the drug for 40 years and even said it tastes better when he uses his own mug. One addict even went as far as to use the leaf direct from something called "a pot" without the aid of a tea bag and warms up the cup first before he pours it out. What next i ask myself will they start to inject or snort the dry leaves as "making a brew" takes to long.

These are very worrying times for the younger generation when they see their parents and grand parents all sitting round a table sipping at this drug and after the first hit hearing those words "Ahh, thats much better" as they fall in to a state of relaxation.

To try and attract people of a younger age they now sell this hard core drug in amusing shaped bags originally in a square bag which due to its shape gave many people in their sleepy morning state problems when trying to fit it in to their round mug, the dealers decided to make a "CIRCULAR" bag (the bloody scoundrels) this meant it would fit very easily and would lead to more fixes being had during the day, then the master plan formed "THE PYRAMID BAG" (bastards, excuse the language) this would let the drug release its toxic flavour more easily and save seconds off the brewing time when needing a quick fix before the police ram raid your door.

This drug is already leading to bigger and more hardcore versions of the drink, some with slices of lemon, milk and even sugar. As with all drugs there is a thing called "The Munchies" but the social drug now has a partner in crime "The Biscuit" which combats the munchies. Where will it end? How many lives must this drug take over before steps are taken to make it a class A drug? How many cows have to be drained before we say we've had enough? How many people have to suffer back injuries from picking the leaf? I say strike now, lets all join together and help these poor addicts, forget Red Nose Day, forget Children in Need, lets support "Tea relief" The slogan for this campaign is "pick life not a leaf", please help where you can, thank you.

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