Well my fine blog followers how are we all this wet, grey, miserable day? You all good? I hope so as its all doom, gloom, crap, the end is nigh, four horsemen (Am i allowed to say horsemen anymore) of the apocalypse style headlines these days.
Now as you know i like a good rant every now and again just to vent my spleen and then go about my day happily but am i allowed to anymore? Am i allowed to say what has wound me up? Am i allowed an opinion anymore and let you, my public know what's got my goat......someone hasn't literally got my goat........well thinking about ....yes they have....someone has our goat Biscuit. OK...so i'll change got my goat to what gets on my wick.....can i say that? Wick is another word for a private part in this saying and what with having to be gender neutral ....hmmmmmm. OK so i shall come up with a new gender neutral PC saying for when something irritates you...i got it......are you ready.....do you know what has "SQUISHED MY KUMQUAT"....YES, someone contact Susie Dent on Countdown and let her know there is a new saying in town. I just thought.....that may offend vegans as i'm killing a kumquat.....they don't matter so it's fine, i can live with that.
It's very difficult these days isn't it folks, anything can be twisted to make someone look like the bad guy (can i say guy, maybe i should use person)........so in saying that.........
CYCLISTS.....What a bunch of dimwits (That's being polite). I've started cycling to work now from The Mumbles to Swansea centre, it's about 4 miles and cycle path all the way. I have my water proof suit, a helmet, a hi vis vest, 2 front lights, a back light and i'm good to go and everyone can see me as i make my way as i now live in perpetual darkness, its darks when i leave the house in the night and it's dark when i leave town in the morning. As i cycle along the path feeling like Paul Newman in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid with "Raindrops keep falling on my head" not playing but actually raindrops falling on my head i just go at a pleasant pace after all i'm not in the Tour de Cymru i'm cycling just to get from A to B. I encounter many other cyclist along the way, some for work purposes who all seem to have the correct gear and obey the highway code, some for pleasure and again all set up like me and obey the highway code BUT the absolute KNOBHEADS in their lycra gear with their skinny bikes that weigh as much as one of my mountain bike tyres and pot bellies, without any lights or reflective clothing as they think it creates wind resistance, never ever make a hand signal cause they're the only person on this planet which means we have to be mind readers and think they're Bradley Wiggins.......YOUR NOT, your a middle aged man thinking that acting like a DICK on a bike makes you better than everyone else. You see a red light you go up on the pavement, you see a zebra crossing (not the animal) you cycle straight through as you can't be arsed to clip your feet out of your pedal clasps, your coming towards a fellow cyclist (me) and you can't figure out you ride to your left like on the road and just stay in the centre making me swerve on to the pedestrian path when there's room on cycle path for both of us, you tut loudly as you pass a pedestrian or shout back at them cause you almost run them over at your fault, you cycle head down puffing and panting like your in a sprint finish when really your heading home to an empty house with a cat you've called Mr. Mistoffelees just in case you bring a lady home and married gents just use cycling as an excuse to get away from their wives for long periods of time. SORT YOUR LIFE OUT, just cause you've cycled 10 miles doesn't mean your fit and healthy as that pie and chips your eating washed down with a pint sat in your sweaty lycra gear in a road side pub after your ride as you say "You need to replenish" doesn't fade away cause you've exerted yourself a little. GET A GRIP AND GROW UP.........
Bob & Tom were excited for the off......here we come Tour De McDonalds, 2000 McDonalds in 23 days.
SNOWFLAKES.....(Not the frozen rain, i like that) Back in the dark ages we used to have a thing called a pen and a piece of paper and we were taught how to write. To make a complaint we would have to take said pen and paper, sit down put the pen to paper and write if we wanted to complain. This took time, effort and thought, something that people today haven't got. These snowflakes take to their mobile devices, tap tap tap and send without a filter, without any knowledge and without any sense. On my news feed out of maybe 30 headlines there are maybe 4 proper headlines all the others are about snowflakes complaining, furious, disbelief, outraged at something so ridiculously futile they wouldn't complain about if they had to sit and write a letter. "It's outrageous that i have to use my hands to eat", "How can someone be so heartless as to breath air next to me", "People are using their eyes to see where they're going as they walk past me, i feel violated", "I was talking loudly on facetime in the middle of 50 people and someone tutted and gave me a stern look, i may call the police", "Who the hell does that shop assistant think she is, asking can she help, does she think i'm stupid and need help", "I called the fire brigade to light my fire pit and they said they put fires out not light them, what's the point in the fire brigade, sack the lot"........This sort of brain numbing complaint is what real people like us folks have to put up with these days but then again these snowflakes are the same people that look at their toes and wonder what's making them wiggle, absolute idiots. This is a true complaint i saw just the other day, this is so pathetic........"A woman complained to a Sainsbury Store in Hornchurch that she was FORCED to by a bottle of Baileys to drink at home as the store she visited was freezing cold".......Now call me mister thicky if i'm missing something. She says forced, to me that evokes images of being grabbed by the neck or lead by gunpoint to a till and made to pay for a bottle of Baileys. Also she went home and drank it, she was cold in the store, why didn't she open it there to warm herself up, she doesn't need it in her warm cosy home does she, UNBELIEVABLE!
THANK THE LORD!
FOOD.....Sian and i love our food, we cook allot at home as we prefer freshly prepared food than ping food but we want our food to be tasty which means unhealthy which is fine by us as we're healthy living people apart from that, we walk for miles whenever we can, we don't smoke, we don't drink much alcohol, we don't fry anything but we want to enjoy our food which means salt, fat and meat. Everything now has reduced fat, reduced salt, shelves and shelves of meat free products and plant based products......STOP IT! I don't force on to you the fact you should be licking the under hanging belly of a pig (Pork belly) as it tastes so good when cooked covered in fat, loads of salt and crisped up. Why is vegan food renamed to things like "No chicken nuggets", "No beef Burgers" , "No pork bangers" why don't they call it what it is "Non descript artificial matter that tastes of nothing BUT shaped like a burger", do you know why it's not labelled like that......cause if it was even vegans wouldn't eat it and go back to meat, say what it is, stop saying the meat that it used to be made with. If i want a plant based product i will go out to my garden, thrust my head in to the flower bed, open my mouth, shake my head about and chow down on a lovely selection of geraniums. Have you seen plant based rashers? They look like the plastic bacon you get in children food playsets. Do you know what Sian and i thought we would do, we thought of opening a unhealthy food shop and restaurant called "Fat unhealthy bastards" where people like myself and Sian can go and buy and eat food that will kill you but tastes so good. Everything comes with extra salt, sugar and fat. You want the fat dripping from your bacon so it soaks in to your unhealthy brioche bun, YOU GOT IT! What's that you say, you want me to put even more salt on your salted fatted beef, NO PROBLEM! You want to go back to the 40's and have a beef dripping sandwich with spam and thick white bread spread with salted butter, WHY NOT! Don't take peoples choices away from them, make unhealthy and healthy products and let the public decide. They say it's to take the strain off the health service, i've read more about deaths in headlines of "fit, healthy, young person" dying while playing a sport or jogging than headlines about "unhealthy, obese, old person" being found dead after being stuck in a door frame for days.
MMMmmmmm plastic bacon, don't you just love plant based food.
PARENTS/GRAND PARENTS.....Now there is something to add to this heading Parents/Grandparents with children out in public. Where do i start with this, good grief Charlie Brown. This is not a rant about children lets make that clear. Lets start with the basics. There are places called PLAY areas, PLAY grounds, PLAY groups, PLAY centres, parks and fields. In these wonderful places the children you are dragging along with you crying and screaming or just yelling for no reason can make as much noise as they want, knock yourself out kids (wish they would). These places are for you to do as you wish with the little ankle biters where as these places pubs, coffee shops, restaurants, supermarkets are NOT where the children can do as they wish and lets be honest here it's not the children's fault, oh no, it's the parents/grand parents fault. Children are just being children, some more bratish and more misbehaved than others but children all the same BUT the parents/grand parents aren't stopping them or even just telling them "NO". We the general public who don't have kids or people who's kids have grown up don't love or adore your little cherubs as much as you and we don't want them around our table or anywhere near us, can't you see by my Paddington stare and the words that i'm mouthing "P**s off you little shit" that they are not welcome around us. Why don't these so called good guardians stop their children? "Oops, careful little one my pint may pour over your head if you run in to me as i'm walking from the bar" , "oh no, please be careful that my caramel cappuccino doesn't scald you as its knocked off the table because you've tripped in to it". If something happens to a child that's left to run wild like a feral cat in an area that is NOT for playing in, it's not the other customers fault or the child's fault, it's the parents/grand parents fault, so to keep your little bundles of joy safe and away from others keep them trained, restrained and by you, IT'S NOT DIFFICULT, the worlds not your babysitter. If i had wanted noise, stress and the life sapped out of me i would have had kids myself, THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T.
Little Jenny refused to walk causing a commotion in the shop, unfortunately Mum's bottles of wine were in the child's trolley seat.
AND RELAX...........
You all should try having the odd rant from time to time, it does me the world of good. These days your not even allowed a opinion. Opinions doesn't make someone a nasty person, it's just the view they have on a subject which you agree or disagree with.
So until my next update you lovely people......
Serve All, Love All, Peace All......Kevlar Out!
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