OCEANIC, SEASON 8, EPISODE 10 "The Island of the sick and the twisted!"

 "ITS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!" NOT!!!!!!!!!!

Hello my wonderful fabulous blog followers, its update time again. I know its been 2 weeks but to be honest I've done bugger all as its to hot and the roads are to crazy so its safer to stay in until its time to go to bar. Be so glad when its Sept and all the idiots on the roads have buggered off back to Italy and mainland Greece.

Its bar talk first up. I'm very honest with what i write about the bar, if its good its good, if its bad its bad. Yuk, Yuk,Yuk, do i not like August. Its been the most unpredictable month I've ever had in my 8 years with Oceanic. Up and down, all over the place. I can be ram packed for 2 hours then within 15 minutes empty. So weird. But I'm making target every night so not complaining. It could be worse, i could have staff to pay, entertainment to fork out for, high overheads and have no customers. At least with Oceanic i got no staff, low overheads and not paying out for anything not even wifi, so my target can be very low which makes life so much easier. Yes, i have a target, very professional i know LOL.

9.45pm Friday 22/08, very very busy.

 10.20pm Friday 22/08, everyone gone but more did come in later after meals.

10.15pm Saturday 23/08, even busier.

See told you, August is all over the place.
  Now i love my cereal. Frosted Shreddies obviously the king of cereal but i also like my All Bran, keeps me regular, PARP! LOL
So when i saw this "Lion" cereal i thought i got to try this. Very, very disappointed.
There was not one trace of lion in the box, whats that all about?
What?......It doesn't mean its made with Lion? Well why the name then?
Oh, i see, its named after Lion Bar. Well, even if that is the case it was the least tasting thing like a lion bar I've ever had. If it had real pieces of lion in it it would have tasted more like a lion bar, awful, don't bother with it, tastes like wood chippings.

I'm suing for false advertising.

MMMMmmmmmmmmmmm! Pizza, i love pizza and doesn't this pizza look great that i bought from Spar. Pack of 3 for 3.99€, bargain or is it?

What the...........? Now i may have bad eye sight but good god man, what the blazes is that? I've picked out more cheese from under my toenails when i was a child (My hygiene is second to none now). Is that it? I'm sure on the box it said pizza not bruschetta. The worst thing is i got 2 of the bloody things left to eat.

The un-cooked pizza as frozen.

Maybe it will look better when cooked.

NOPE!

There are some sick and twisted people on this island. Every night i have to count my connect 4's. Either I'll find one on the floor so have to count all or someone would have exchanged counters from one to the other. STOP IT! there is enough in every game to complete it at the start of the night when i open, you DO NOT need to borrow from one to use in another. But there is even more evil now on this island. They have added a counter that's not even mine to mess with my poor little welsh brain. What twisted individual is trying to drive me insane? Its just not fair. AAAaaaaggggggghhhhhhh!

The 2 on the left are mine, the one on the right is an impostor, GET OUT I SAY, GET OUT!

Its looking like t-shirt sales by the end of this season will be over 1000 within 3 seasons which i think is amazing. So we are going to extend the range from next season and here are a few new designs, these are not the finished article as we need the proper band logos for them but you can see where we are going with the designs.

 Its the Manhattan Transfer market again "Rat-e-tat-e-tat" How much worse can the market become. Years ago it was great, good quality clothes, many varieties of trainers, excellent household products and now.......1€ stalls, trainers that you would have to be blind to buy and pants and sock stalls as far as the eye can see. I went with 200€ to have a blow out, i spent 15€ and guess what i bought.......yep you guessed it.....pants and socks.

Nike Air Max, how long ago did these go out of fashion? You couldn't sprint in them just in case you had a blow out while your going at top speed and what in gods name is going on with the colours? Pass me my shades I'm going blind LOL

It makes me so angry when i see tourists on scooters and quads carrying a whole family on one vehicle. I've seen children as young as 2 years old clingy to petrol tanks of quads. How stupid are these parents? But they see the locals doing it so they do the same. This bike was in front of me as i left the market. Two young children, no helmets and almost slipping off the scooter. Makes me cringe.

Its been over a week since Kevin went off to do battle with the mad axeman. I have to go in and rescue him or at least retrieve the body.
I crept in like a ninja not knowing what i would find. The door was closed. not a good sign.
I must go to the wood pile where i found the trainer.
The trainer, its gone!
Whats that in amongst the wood?

KEVIINNNNNNNNNNN! NOOoooooooooooo! WHY? Why him? It should have been me. GOD DAMN YOU MAD AXEMAN! I will revenge my buddy.

Wait? I remember reading somewhere that a heavy blow to the head will bring a minion back to life.
Where's my hammer?
Kevin, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do but its for your own good.

Yay! Kevin's alive. A Little bit battered but at least he lives to fight another day. I will wait until he's fully fit, train him better then send him back in.
Oh OK, i will give him a little holiday first and take him out on another road trip also my best human buddy Tassos wants to meet him so a visit to Drunk Corner is on the cards for him. I will take him to watch Liverpool as a treat or maybe a rugby match, the seasons almost here.

You rest little buddy, save that energy and get well soon.

 Well that's update over with for another 2 weeks. Any get well messages for Kevin can be posted on the comments on this blog or on Facebook page, he will be made up.

Till then folks,

Serve all, Love all, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

OCEANIC, SEASON 8, EPISODE 9 "When evil rears up its ugly head"

Well howdy doody yaa'lll! How we all diddling today? Its August, which means the Italian and Greek invasion, uuugggghhhhhhh! Shoot me now. The roads are manic now and already had three near misses of being hit off my bike by two Italian plated vehicles who have gone through stop signs and a mainland Greek plated car that went through a red light. This is why i try not to leave the house if possible during August, absolute idiots.

Lets start as always with the bar update. Well July followed in the same trend as May and June with becoming my best July since i opened. August agggghghhhhhh! I so hate August as its always my quietest month but in saying that i was still full at some point every night as the picture shows which was taken on the 6th of Aug but from the 7th it has gone to being like mid Oct, empty then all of a sudden a mad rush of people then empty again, God knows whats going on, very strange August indeed. Still, lets take a positive from it, I'm still hitting my target which is great, in fact not missed a target since my first week open in 2007 which I'm very proud of but again its down to you my wonderful customers for helping me to hit those targets so i thank each and every one of you so so much who have visited Oceanic.

2 weeks ago for the first time ever in the history of Oceanic bar i went a whole night without serving a lager, bitter, Guinness or any bottled product . It was just Cocktails or Spirit and mixers, i was amazed and that was on a full night, never known it ever before.

I have had the guys from Virtual Zakynthos come in to re-new my page on their website and they took a 360deg pic of the bar and as a favour they took a panoramic pic of inside the bar. For those of you who haven't seen the bars web page on the site here's the link for you to click on. When on street view click on Oceanic and you can go inside. Then get yourself an alcoholic drink, keep it on your screen and imagine your sat in the bar while outside your house its chucking it down LOL.

 http://www.virtualzakynthos.gr/kalamaki/bars-clubs/oceanic.html

As you know from my previous update myself and little Kevin went to the Grand Mabely 5* hotel and inside they had this wooden carved Cruiser which i thought was great, in fact it looks that good i bet it even goes faster than my cruisers, ha.

Also from the same hotel as i rode in there was a grand set of gates, huge gardens, wonderful marble frontage with many flags of all nationalities flying and parked close to the front entrance this heap of junk. Yeah great first impression as you enter a 5* exclusive hotel. At least get the owner to put a cover over it to make it look like there is an expensive car under it.

This poster is all over the island but when did Pavarotti and Englebert Humperdink get together for jiggy jiggy and create a kid? Surely this is a medical miracle, why weren't we told of this.

Its Lidl time. Went for a nose around Lidl the other week. All crap, so walked out empty handed but it was British week, with things such as Cod and Chips, Jam, Yoghurt's, Steak Pies and Schnitzels. Wo Wo Wo, when was Schnitzel a British food? I remember someone a few months ago asking on a website for Zakynthos about where they could eat British food, 2 people had replied with Macdonalds and Taj Mahal restaurant. Forgive me if I'm wrong but Macdonalds is American and Taj Mahal restaurant is Indian. Is this because now Britain has lost its empire were claiming other countries foods as our own? You better lay off the welsh Cockles and Lavabread, thats just for us Welsh, You listening Britain LOL.

This is the advert for British week in Lidl, Big Ben, London Bus, A Guard and yes your seeing it, RAIN! That's what other countries see as British, we're more known for rain than anything else.

Wow, what a bargain, 1€ for six frankfurter sausages. The only problem is these sausages had the least amount of sausage content I've ever had from a sausage. Hmmm, haven't seen my neighbours cat for a few weeks now LOL.

We had Marathons becoming Snickers, we had Jif becoming Cif, we had Michael Jackson becoming Latoya Jackson and now Surf washing pouches in the UK is called Omo over here. Now I'm all for changing names for the better but OMO, Really?

My friends Leigh and Rachel on leaving after their last visit left me with some lemons for my bar. But BLOODY HELL, these lemons were on steroids. Absolutely huge. So huge that one was almost the size of my head.

They say somewhere in the world everyone has a twin, I've found mine. Can you spot which ones me?

Would you like some Vodka with your lemon.

My lovely lovely customers have been keeping me stocked up with my lovely crumpets, muffins, black and white pudding. So much so it looks like the drug seizure picture you see on programmes like "Nothing to Declare". I am out of Frosted Shreddies though, just a hint LOL. Kevin, move away from the food.

Due to Kevin not listening to me and munching through one of my white puddings its off to the mad axe mans shack with you. He did refuse at first but when i told him its either check out the shack or wash my socks, he chose the shack. Wise move little Kev. I armed HIM with a new serrated knife and waved him goodbye. I gave him a phone to take with him to send back pics along the way.

This was the first selfie Kevin sent me as he arrived at the shack. As you can see the door is now open to the left of the building which was previously closed. Kevin buddy, take care, remember all kyokushinkai martial arts training i gave you.

Kevin the brave warrior enters the void. He's either the most heroic minion i know or he's a complete idiot, i think the latter. OH NO, KEVIN, YOU FORGOT YOUR KNIFE, KEVINNNNNNNN!

That's the last I've seen of him 3 days ago. Has evil reared up its ugly head again? If he doesn't make it back by the 7th day i fear the worst and will have to go in myself to either save him or recover his body. I wait with hope, well would you want to go in there? So i hope he turns up, if not, BUGGER!

Well the past couple of weeks i've been having lovely relaxing afternoons, just laying around, watching a bit of tv but generally just enjoying some quality time. Its at times like this that i need a boost to perk me up as all work can make you pretty exhausted, so ive been enjoying my afternoons lately. Be glad when Sept comes around and the roads are quieter, temp has dropped and can get out around the island on bike again.

Well my blog followers its time to sign off for now, everybody please pray for little Kevin, cause if you don't i have to go in and save the little blighter. So you better all be praying, I SAID PRAY DAMN YOU, LOL.

Until next week,

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

OCEANIC, SEASON 8, EPISODE 8 "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

Good morning, good morning, the sunshine is shinning bright, good morning, good morning, to you and you and you and you.

July is almost over and very unexpectedly it is now my best July. Very nice surprise indeed. Each night has been different, could never predict how the nights were going to turn out, sometimes empty early and busy late, next night busy early and busy late, other nights busy early and quiet late but always a busy time at some point. The nights are pretty consistent in May, June, Sept and Oct but July and Aug aaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

This week i had an experience that i haven't had for a loooooonnngggggg time. A group of 4 came in i would say aged between 20 to 25. They seemed to make themselves quite comfortable quite quickly. I approached them the same as anyone else who visits the bar and gave them the usual chat about the drinks. One told me to make them whatever as long as it was strong, the other asked is it the real stuff in the drinks, one told me what they wanted in their cocktail and the other was very pleasant and ordered a banoffee pie cocktail. All drinks were made and delivered to table along with the bill which in all came to 16€. They were a bit loud but not bothering anyone so just left them to it in the corner, if they had disturbed my customers i would have told them to calm it down but it didn't get to that. Then came the time to pay the bill. I had already clicked that they were workers, from where i didn't know so i asked them where they were staying and were they enjoying their holiday, the reply came "We work in Laganas and got a night off", my worker radar did not fail me.

They polished off all their drinks with not a drop left in the glasses. I could see they were looking strangely at the bill so i approached the table.

Me:- "Is everything alright?"

Strong cocktail guy:- "Is this right 16€?"

Me:- "Yes, 5 for my strongest cocktail which has 7 measures in it, 4 for the Banoffee Pie and 3.50 each for the other 2 cocktails"

Girl with her own cocktail:- "We work here!"

Me:- "Yes i know and well done for finding jobs in such a bad economic climate" (Think this bit of sarcasm went over their heads)

Strongest cocktail guy:- "Yeah but we work here do we get a workers discount?"

Me:- "No unfortunately, i only give discount in November" (Straight over their heads again)

Girl with her own cocktail:- "So we're paying the full price?"

Me:- "Yes, like any other of my customers"

That's where the conversation finished, coins got counted out, they up and left without even a goodbye just a dirty look.

It was like that "Do you know who i am?" moment.

Now i may be wrong but I'm sure the last time i looked my bar is called "Oceanic" not "Charity".

I've never ever asked for discount anywhere in 14 years on this island and in fact i always leave more than the drink costs out of respect for the owner of the business.

Ah well, doubt I'll see them again, never mind.

Minion Kevin, to the bike.

Yes its road trip time with my little buddy.

No Kevin that's my helmet get your own.

We decided to head off to the west coast for our first road trip to show him the sights.
I told him we would most probably stop for a swim somewhere. Kevin wanted a rubber ring and popped to shop to purchase one. He came back with a doughnut which he swore blind was sold to him by the shop owner as a rubber ring that looked like a doughnut. I told him no its definitely a doughnut but Kevin argued blind it was a rubber ring.

MUNCH! NOM! See, told you. Kevin was not amused.

Before we headed out West we stopped for my morning frappe, Kevin followed suit, BIG MISTAKE which i would find out later in the day.

Firstly i took Kevin to the largest Greek flag at Keri. I've been here 3 times to see it and this was the first time it was flying. I had been told it was the size of a football pitch, RUBBISH! At the most its the size of a very small 5 a-side pitch. Kevin wasn't impressed.

We decided to have a little break from the bike at this point and have another frappe at Keri Lighthouse Taverna. I forgot about what a rip off it was here, 4 euro for a frappe. Kevin joked was it made with one of those coffee beans that gets pooped out by a monkey. The waitress wasn't amused.

Here's me and Kevin having a laugh about tourists wearing budgie smugglers with sandals and socks, so not a good look but lots of them walking about the old road.

This is a restaurant called La Bruschetta near Keri beach on the way to the Lighthouse. I went here about 10 years ago and its still open which is great to see being as its quite far out in the sticks. Its most probably the best pasta restaurant I've eaten at on the island. I had Ravioli with an apricot and mince meat filling. It tasted amazing and it was freshly made pasta, not bought in. Shame it opens at 6.30pm, it seems i will never get to eat here again.

The view of Keri from La Bruschetta.

On our travels we passed by many places of interest for Kevin to browse over and here is the Monastery of Eleftherotria. Kevin asked if there were monks and nuns inside. I'm not really sure, I've never seen any. Kevin thought the monastery was made out of Lego, idiot!

Kevin made me stop so he could have his pic taken here, Nothing much to see, just a nice view. He's such a tourist.

Kevin liked the cross at Kampi. With me being a Reverend Kevin enquired why such a symbol as the cross which gave so much pain to Jebus was used as a symbol of the church. He was wondering why the symbol wasn't the star that led the wise men to Jebus or a donkey that carried Mary to Bethlehem, you know a nice symbol that's linked to Jebus. To this question i pondered for a moment and with all my Reverend wisdom i replied "Pass!"

I showed Kevin the Mycenaean tombs at Kampi. He promptly climbed in and thought the tombs were very spacious. How disrespectful of the dead, naughty Kevin.

As we carried on from Kampi we stopped off at the 5* all inclusive Grand Mabely hotel. I didn't presume we could use the pool so left our towels on the bike. I approached reception and asked if it was ok to come in for a coffee. The receptionist said yes that's fine and if i wanted to use the pool it was 10€. 10€! We weren't that desperate for a swim. We went in and ordered some coffee, that's 3 frappe's Kevin's had now.
Lovely hotel, very plush, but it was like a ghost hotel and its now July. Hardly anyone there. Also you could see that trade wasn't good as standards had slipped and furniture was stained and a bit tired, not what you'd expect in a 5* hotel, 4* more like now but not 5*.

Kevin at the empty pool that we had to pay 10€ to use which we didn't. Only 6 people at pool.

Very plush, but the sofa that Kevin is on had a huge drink stain on seating cushion, not a good look for  a 5* hotel.

For some strange reason there are 4 elephants outside the hotel. Why, i don't know but Kevin decided to go for a ride on one. Its a statue you cretin!

It was getting rather warm and having not had a swim i took Kevin off to the Ilaria Hotel. We set up our sunbeds and just chilled. Kevin wanted to be golden bronzed instead of golden yellow. I made sure he put factor 15 on to be safe.

 Minion Kevin even has the same taste in pool side drinks as me, Lemon Ice Tea. mmmmmmmmmmm!

The Ilaria Hotel Pool, beautiful, cold, huge, relaxing and no one there, well, there were 5 others. Such a shame.

As the day wore on the 3 coffees Kevin had drank kicked in and he became a hyper nightmare. Constantly blabbering on about all and nonsense, fidgeting on bike and basically doing my bloody head in. It actually got to the point where i screamed and told him to get off the bike, I've had enough you complete ass. I made him hitchhike the rest of the way home as Sunday is my only day of rest and he was making me stressed, so i had a lovely peaceful final leg of our road trip home. Get thumbing buddy.

Kevin the Minion giving me the middle finger as i drove off.

Due to Kevin having to find his own way home i didn't make him check out the mad axemans home but today as i rode in to town i popped and had a quick peek, OH MY GOD. The door was open. I quickly jumped back on the bike and hit the gas, my heart was thumping out my chest. Little Kevin is definitely going in before me when i send him there. Stay tuned for next weeks update, will Kevin make it back in one piece? Will there be a battle of epic proportion, Good V's Evil? And will that trainer attached to the body in the ground fit me? All will be revealed next week.

 Kevin the minion getting fouled, i was never like that when playing football

So until then my lovely, wonderful, super, amazing blog followers i shall bid the farewell.

Serve All, Love All. Peace All, Kevlar Out!