Its all good!

Well what can i say, been open now 11 days and had a good start even though its quiet. If it wasn't for the fact its cold at night i think the bar would be full as only 4 tables empty every night and these are outside in the open.

My bike is back from the doctors and she's purring like a cat thats found a tin of whiskers and learnt how to open the ring pull lid. So i took it apart and gave it a damn got scrub and its so bright and shinny you would think it was new.

Also due to fact the phantom menu nicker took some of my menus i've made some new ones with my new cocktails on, a customer called me "the Heston Blumenthal of the drinks world", cheeky sod i know i'm going thin on top and wear glasses but i ain't bald yet LOL a nice compliment never the less.

Got some new pictures for the bar and new lights so its all lit up like the mother ship from close encounters of the third kind "BEE, BOO, BEE, BOO, BOO" LOL. You can't miss my bar now on the old road its the second spaceship on your right as you come from the main strip.

Also i've become a bit of a tit, sorry i meant Alan Titmarsh although some people may think the first description LOL i decided to plant some seed but think i may have got it wrong, 12 packets in one flower box, well the seeds were so small didn't look much, hate gardening anyway so can't wait to see them grow, then die off so i don't have to look after them haha.

Right time for shower and connect up new sign lights. byyyeee!

" Here comes the summer! "

Well i've arrived, i've opened and its going good for the first week.

So i arrived at 6am on mon 4th to a fanfare of dogs barking and cockrels crowing, the resort of Kalamaki was asleep with only local cats prowling the streets after the heavy night before. So no time like the present i threw my bags in and set to work on opening my bar, started 7am and bar was ready by 9pm that same night, shame i had no stock LOL. So i decided to open tuesday and have had a better than expected start for the first 4 nights so lets hope it continues on my 5th night. As thought there had been rumours started over here that i'd done a runner or that i wasn't coming back but i find this all very strange as i don't talk to anyone over here during winter and the winters must be dull on Zakynthos for people to be talking about me as my life is as exciting and fast paced as a snail race, but if it keeps them happy then carry on i say.

Good news - my bike started first time, i didn't owe anyone any extra cash, the tornado didn't damage my bar and my water pump didn't need a kick to get it started.

Bad news - My mint is still the same size as last year, one of my rechargable candles won't charge, i stubbed my big toe on a empty gas bottle and someone had broke in and stole my menus (obviously wanting my secret recipes for my unique cocktails) but apart from that its all good.

BEFORE.

AFTER.

My bike is poorly sick so i have had to take it to the bike doctors where its having a full medical and having a punctured tyre made better, awww poor bikey, there there nice mister greek man will make you well again LOL.

My first day out and about relaxing today and boy did i need it, nice sun lounger, ice cold pool, chilled peach ice tea and hot sunshine, today i used the pool at the Meandros Hotel and if this pool was at the location of the Crystal Beach Hotel it would be number one on my list but the Crystal Beach is still the best in resort.

ME AT THE POOL.

ME RELAXING AT MY APARTMENT.

ME AFTER HAVING TO WALK CAUSE BIKE IS POORLY SICK.

Well thats it for my first update from Zakynthos but will keep you informed with all the news and my life on this lovely island. Having my first sunday roast tonight at my friends Veronica and Dereks restaurant "The Lighthouse". Now before anyone starts going off on one saying your in Greece why you eating english food these are the reasons:-

1/ Its the only english meal i eat all week

2/ I'm out here for 6 months not 1 or 2 weeks

3/ I always cook my own food so its nice for a treat

4/ Its bloody good LOL the best sunday roast anywhere i've worked abroad but of course not as good as my mums, no ones is.

A Lighthouse sunday roast.

So long and thanks for all the fish!

For those of you that have ever read or watched Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy the heading for this post is what the Dolphins said when they decided to leave earth before its destruction.

Yes my friends and foe its time for me to leave this wonderful rain drenched land and head for, well, a rain drenched land, BUGGER! Its been raining on Zakynthos but as soon as i get there with my jolly manner and dodgy smile the sun will put his hat on hip hip hip hooray! My bar is calling me and people are having bets to see if i've done a runner or not from the island, unfortunately for the gossips on the island i'm on my way back, so how silly will they look LOL.
This bloody credit crunch has stopped me getting my decking and 2 new sofas but hopefully by june the millions will be in and i can upgrade a few things, my yacht needs a new jacuzzi, oh well i'll have to fart in the bath instead to make the bubbles haha.

There are a few things i have to do when i get there at 6am Mon, get my bike started, pay my taxes, pay my beer supplies, pay my accountant, pay my landlord, pay for music licence, pay my electric bill and clean up the bar and get it ready by 7pm, WOW think i'll stay home, not much to do as you can see, OH MY GOD!
But i will be open, i may not be alive come tuesday but i would have opened LOL

So i shall bid ye all fairywell thy lovely oldy worldy folk and see thee in more clement climes in thy country of thee gods.

Touche Turtle, AWAY!

No more smelling of chicken, my oven days are over.

Well thats it, the end of an era. My Days as a Janitor and bakery/chicken oven cleaner are over, awwwww! I'm gonna miss those greasy, filthy, fat and BBQ covered ovens. I'm gonna miss sweeping up crumbs, flour and doughnut jam. I'm gonna miss cleaning toilets that i don't know how many bums its seen in an hour. Wow after reading that back i can't believe i'm really gonna miss it LOL.

Well i've met some really nice people while working at the rock club and the supermarket and here is the hall of fame:-

The Rock Club:- Dan the Man - what a great guy, i hope he can move on from where he is as he would make a great bar manager with one of the big brewery companies.
Jimmy - What can i say this guy has one of the best bands i've heard in a long time. http://www.myspace.com/xdufrainex
Maddy - The ultimate rock chick, a great bass player and all round good egg. http://www.myspace.com/thebuffalokings

The Suprmarket:- Laura (my boss) - Lovely lady and a pleasure to work for.
John the Demon Baker - This guy works his nuts off to give you all those lovely cakes and bread and always had time for a chat.
Security Guys - These guys were great, had a chat every day when i came in and the odd laugh at the shop lifters

I shall miss you all but will keep in touch i hope.

Now then as we all know with every positive there is a negative, so now for the hall of shame:-

The Rock Club:- NONE.

The Supermarket:- God where do i start. Well all the managers and duty managers who seem to think cause your a cleaner that you can be talked to like your something they've stepped in, if i smile at you or say hi it doesn' take much to smile back you don't have to say hi but i didn't even get a smile, most looked away or or gave you a look like they had some stinky cheese under their nose, perhaps they may have thought i had pig flu after cleaning ovens that the cumberland sausages were cooked in LOL. Anyway you get respect by treating people with respect.

So 3 more days and i'm off but got loads to do and very little time so i will say my final farewell on here Saturday night then update when i get to Zakynthos, YEEHAAAAAAA!

Tonight there is a new star shining brightly in the sky.

Early in the morning i had a call to let me know that a lovely little boy had passed away and that little boy was Daniel. Daniel was the son of good friends of mine Joanne and Steve who visit me in Zakynthos every night of their holiday and we are in touch while in the UK.

Daniel was such a lovely, well behaved, good mannered little boy and was always willing to help me by either collecting glasses or pretending to take orders, he was never any trouble and a ray of sunshine whenever in Oceanic. He had the energy and fun like his hero "Captain Jack Sparrow" which he would sit quietly in the corner of my bar and watch the film on his little portable DVD player with his eyes wide and bright with excitement until he slowly fell asleep and curled up on a sofa to dream sweet dreams. It was a joy to have him in my bar and everyone got on with the little guy whoever he talked to. The corner of my bar where he sat will be forever Daniel's corner and even though he has gone i will never let him be forgotten. Daniel is with the angels now where he will fit in perfectly and feel at home due to his loving nature and kindness. Sweet dreams little one.

And so winter comes to an end, oh sorry and spring!

Well the summer season is almost here, 3 weeks time and Zakynthos and Oceanic are open for business, WAYHAY!

Yesterday i handed in my notice to the supermarket and now i can discuss the top secret aspects of that job.

What have i learnt from this highly trained job of Janitor and Bakery/chicken department cleaner. Well when your walking around sweeping up little bits of paper in the store people look at you and give you that polite sympathetic smile as if to say "Awww look at that simple guy, he's got a job" NO, NO, NO, this is not the case and alot of my fellow janitors all around the country aren't simple (some are) I may look like someone who lives in a little village where everyones related but my brain is fully functional LOL.

Now then PUBLIC TOILETS, eeewwwwww! Ok we all know that guys are slobs and need lessons on what the silver handle on the wall is for but ladies, tut, tut, tut.
The men that use the gents must be dancing while using the convenience as there is more on the floor than where its supposed to be so maybe gents public toilets should have grated floors to save having the cleaners putting waders on to get in.
Ladies, what can i say, utter utter waynetta slobs when toilet use is concerned. here are just a few things, some ladies also have a fear of the silver handle on the wall, its not just men that leave little calling cards on the seat, make up is meant to be put on your face not around the sinks and the hole in a toilet seat is quite big but you can't seem to get the paper in it which then leaves a lovely decorative toilet paper border on the floor.

The bakery cleaning is very physical but when you see and smell all those lovely fresh cakes and loaves of bread coming out the ovens its enough to make a weight watchers class riot and over throw the team leader.

The chicken ovens is also a very physical job, imagine your oven but 3 times bigger cooking 200 chickens constantly all day then having to clean 3 of those ovens every day, the smell of BBQ and chickens is so good but the ovens are as greasy and slimey as a spanish barman when your on holiday.

Now you would think with all this lovely smelling food i'd be the size of american at a cherry pie eating contest but no, in fact i've lost a stone in weight and now at my ideal weight 10 stone and ideal BMI and i put it down to not being a remote clicking-couch potatoe-bum crease seated-lazy git LOL i walk 6 miles at pace every day sometimes 10 miles if sunny and 30-60 mins a day on my Wii fit, so if you want to lose weight heres my advice, get a job in Tesco, remember that your feet were made before the car and kick your kids off their games console and buy the Wii fit HAHA.

Vets and Doctors!

Well Petra has settled in like she's been running this house for all of her 2 years and its only been a week but unfortunately i think she's been hanging around with Beagles in the dog shelter that she was in as she has a bad smokers cough and we all know how many ciggy's Beagles smoke, i think they led her astray (or should that be ashtray) and went behind the kennel sheds for a quick Marlboro LOL. The poor little girl has "Kennel cough" and had to go to the vets this morning as she was coughing all day yesterday and through the night, she only stops coughing when laying down still but she snores like hell haha. Don't worry readers its not a serious virus, the dog shelter vet told us on the phone that human medicine Benalyn (yes you read right) and honey is good for the cough plus no excercise, so for a second opinion i took her to my vet and he charged me £37 for antibiotics, what the (bleep)! So prices are going up in the bar as this dog could be costing me a fortune LOL

As you know i do medical research trials twice a year and as yet the doctors haven't given me my research for April as they haven't got the dates yet but the trials i've been offered are a cream to get a head out of an ass which is being developed for Gordon Brown (UK prime minister), a pill to stop verbal diarrhoea for Simon Cowell (American idol, X factor) and a cleptomainiac cream for Madonna and Angelina Jolie to stop them picking up children. So no medical trial as yet but will keep you posted.