No more smelling of chicken, my oven days are over.

Well thats it, the end of an era. My Days as a Janitor and bakery/chicken oven cleaner are over, awwwww! I'm gonna miss those greasy, filthy, fat and BBQ covered ovens. I'm gonna miss sweeping up crumbs, flour and doughnut jam. I'm gonna miss cleaning toilets that i don't know how many bums its seen in an hour. Wow after reading that back i can't believe i'm really gonna miss it LOL.

Well i've met some really nice people while working at the rock club and the supermarket and here is the hall of fame:-

The Rock Club:- Dan the Man - what a great guy, i hope he can move on from where he is as he would make a great bar manager with one of the big brewery companies.
Jimmy - What can i say this guy has one of the best bands i've heard in a long time. http://www.myspace.com/xdufrainex
Maddy - The ultimate rock chick, a great bass player and all round good egg. http://www.myspace.com/thebuffalokings

The Suprmarket:- Laura (my boss) - Lovely lady and a pleasure to work for.
John the Demon Baker - This guy works his nuts off to give you all those lovely cakes and bread and always had time for a chat.
Security Guys - These guys were great, had a chat every day when i came in and the odd laugh at the shop lifters

I shall miss you all but will keep in touch i hope.

Now then as we all know with every positive there is a negative, so now for the hall of shame:-

The Rock Club:- NONE.

The Supermarket:- God where do i start. Well all the managers and duty managers who seem to think cause your a cleaner that you can be talked to like your something they've stepped in, if i smile at you or say hi it doesn' take much to smile back you don't have to say hi but i didn't even get a smile, most looked away or or gave you a look like they had some stinky cheese under their nose, perhaps they may have thought i had pig flu after cleaning ovens that the cumberland sausages were cooked in LOL. Anyway you get respect by treating people with respect.

So 3 more days and i'm off but got loads to do and very little time so i will say my final farewell on here Saturday night then update when i get to Zakynthos, YEEHAAAAAAA!

Tonight there is a new star shining brightly in the sky.

Early in the morning i had a call to let me know that a lovely little boy had passed away and that little boy was Daniel. Daniel was the son of good friends of mine Joanne and Steve who visit me in Zakynthos every night of their holiday and we are in touch while in the UK.

Daniel was such a lovely, well behaved, good mannered little boy and was always willing to help me by either collecting glasses or pretending to take orders, he was never any trouble and a ray of sunshine whenever in Oceanic. He had the energy and fun like his hero "Captain Jack Sparrow" which he would sit quietly in the corner of my bar and watch the film on his little portable DVD player with his eyes wide and bright with excitement until he slowly fell asleep and curled up on a sofa to dream sweet dreams. It was a joy to have him in my bar and everyone got on with the little guy whoever he talked to. The corner of my bar where he sat will be forever Daniel's corner and even though he has gone i will never let him be forgotten. Daniel is with the angels now where he will fit in perfectly and feel at home due to his loving nature and kindness. Sweet dreams little one.

And so winter comes to an end, oh sorry and spring!

Well the summer season is almost here, 3 weeks time and Zakynthos and Oceanic are open for business, WAYHAY!

Yesterday i handed in my notice to the supermarket and now i can discuss the top secret aspects of that job.

What have i learnt from this highly trained job of Janitor and Bakery/chicken department cleaner. Well when your walking around sweeping up little bits of paper in the store people look at you and give you that polite sympathetic smile as if to say "Awww look at that simple guy, he's got a job" NO, NO, NO, this is not the case and alot of my fellow janitors all around the country aren't simple (some are) I may look like someone who lives in a little village where everyones related but my brain is fully functional LOL.

Now then PUBLIC TOILETS, eeewwwwww! Ok we all know that guys are slobs and need lessons on what the silver handle on the wall is for but ladies, tut, tut, tut.
The men that use the gents must be dancing while using the convenience as there is more on the floor than where its supposed to be so maybe gents public toilets should have grated floors to save having the cleaners putting waders on to get in.
Ladies, what can i say, utter utter waynetta slobs when toilet use is concerned. here are just a few things, some ladies also have a fear of the silver handle on the wall, its not just men that leave little calling cards on the seat, make up is meant to be put on your face not around the sinks and the hole in a toilet seat is quite big but you can't seem to get the paper in it which then leaves a lovely decorative toilet paper border on the floor.

The bakery cleaning is very physical but when you see and smell all those lovely fresh cakes and loaves of bread coming out the ovens its enough to make a weight watchers class riot and over throw the team leader.

The chicken ovens is also a very physical job, imagine your oven but 3 times bigger cooking 200 chickens constantly all day then having to clean 3 of those ovens every day, the smell of BBQ and chickens is so good but the ovens are as greasy and slimey as a spanish barman when your on holiday.

Now you would think with all this lovely smelling food i'd be the size of american at a cherry pie eating contest but no, in fact i've lost a stone in weight and now at my ideal weight 10 stone and ideal BMI and i put it down to not being a remote clicking-couch potatoe-bum crease seated-lazy git LOL i walk 6 miles at pace every day sometimes 10 miles if sunny and 30-60 mins a day on my Wii fit, so if you want to lose weight heres my advice, get a job in Tesco, remember that your feet were made before the car and kick your kids off their games console and buy the Wii fit HAHA.

Vets and Doctors!

Well Petra has settled in like she's been running this house for all of her 2 years and its only been a week but unfortunately i think she's been hanging around with Beagles in the dog shelter that she was in as she has a bad smokers cough and we all know how many ciggy's Beagles smoke, i think they led her astray (or should that be ashtray) and went behind the kennel sheds for a quick Marlboro LOL. The poor little girl has "Kennel cough" and had to go to the vets this morning as she was coughing all day yesterday and through the night, she only stops coughing when laying down still but she snores like hell haha. Don't worry readers its not a serious virus, the dog shelter vet told us on the phone that human medicine Benalyn (yes you read right) and honey is good for the cough plus no excercise, so for a second opinion i took her to my vet and he charged me £37 for antibiotics, what the (bleep)! So prices are going up in the bar as this dog could be costing me a fortune LOL

As you know i do medical research trials twice a year and as yet the doctors haven't given me my research for April as they haven't got the dates yet but the trials i've been offered are a cream to get a head out of an ass which is being developed for Gordon Brown (UK prime minister), a pill to stop verbal diarrhoea for Simon Cowell (American idol, X factor) and a cleptomainiac cream for Madonna and Angelina Jolie to stop them picking up children. So no medical trial as yet but will keep you posted.

The promotion has landed and so has a dog!

Well well well, there was I enjoying being a humble Janitor just minding my own business, sweeping around the store, using a machine that goes "BEEP" and counting tins of beans on a shelf like Rainman "37, yes 37, 37 tins of beans, yes 37" when out of the blue i get a promotion to "Bakery and Chicken ovens". The job is alot more physical which i prefer but i now have my instore phone taken off me and the title "Janitor" removed. I used to feel like a member of the Mafia with the title "The Janitor" sounded like the guy that cleaned up the bodies after a hitman, when i used to answer my phone instore i'd answer it in a clint eastwood type voice "The Janitor" sounded so cool now my name can either be "Bake-Chick" or "Chick-Bake" which neither are cool the first sounds like a barbie girl who makes bread and the second sounds like some sort of chicken coating. So must come up with a cool name for the position LOL.

After months of looking for a new dog i finally found one at a dogs shelter that was in the back of beyond with a place name i can't pronounce due to it being typically welsh and having to drench everyone in dribble when you say its name "Foelgastell" or "Cefineithin" it was in between those 2 villages, at least it wasn't at that train station that everyone knows "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch" which means "The church of St. Mary in the hollow of white hazel trees near the rapid whirlpool by St. Tysilio's of the red cave". So you'll pleased to know that the dog i chose was called "LLogachwinpochtaligwynchariaddarbimddinhelenllinosgagagagagachoochooblurspotingdip" which translated is "Quiz" but being as i got writers cramp filling out the vets form her name is now "Petra" and settled in straight away, i will add a picture here once she will sit long enough in front of the pin hole camera i have, state of the art in my house LOL.

Life is manic but good!

Well where do i start, ok lets start with my new jobs. Remeber the cartoon "Hong Kong Phooey" well thats me, no i don't mean i'm a dog who's best friend is a cat.

By day a mild mannered janitor but then at night i'm a superstar barman/DJ in a rock club.

Yes you read correctly in the daytime i'm a janitor for Tesco, when you go shopping in these huge supermarkets you see the guy going around with the stand up dust pan and brush sweeping up bits of paper or pushing a floor scrubbing machine around, you usually think he's a bit simple or the village nutter, well thats me i'm that guy LOL.

On a serious note I don't see why any job should be below someone, i know people that would turn their nose up at being a cleaner even if they were desperate for work but i do the same thing in the bar after my customers, since i've been working there you can see how people are towards cleaners, people seem to treat you like your the lowest of the low or must be uneducated. Your looked down upon by customers and other members of the staff, if only they knew the truth about me that i am well educated and own my own business but i'm happy to do the job and happy for these people to be so narrow minded it just makes me feel like i'm a better person than them.

Then at night i work in a great club that has live music 3 nights of the week and a comedy club on one night, no cheesy music, no groups of people all dressed the same, no idiots, just good music with people that go out to listen to good music and have a good time, i love it there and if there was a resort on Zakynthos apart from Lagana to open this type of bar in i would open it as there is always people who love live music, not a backing track with a singer, a true 4 piece band.

Anyway only 8 weeks left in UK so going to enjoy it at the club until its back to Zakynthos!

Saturday the 28th of Feb was a amazing night went to see The Killers gig and wow what a amazing night, been there seen it and i bought the T-shirt lol from the first song "Human" until the last song "When your young" it was non stop upbeat tunes and Brandon is a great front man. The best gig i've been to and is equal to Guns N Roses at the old Wembly Stadium but they are 2 completely different concerts due to the venues. The arena was jumping for nearly 2 hours solid and you could tell the band were really in to it and also enjoying the night. I've been to some gigs and it has seemed like a chore for the band to be there.

My cooking skills are going from strength to strength every sunday, last sunday i decided to make a essence of chocolate sponge with vanilla buttercream filling and a solid choclate topping, OOOOH! adventurous i know and wait for it Chocolate covered marshmallows and chocolate covered chili peppers, boy are they hot but taste good.

My god the cake was so good but when i ate the chili first it was sweet then hot then it kept on going from sweet to hot so it was a weird eating experience but nice, I tried a chili by itself while making it, oh my god, it burnt my lips, mouth and even went up to the inside of my nose and was burning that, never eaten anything so hot in my life but all good chefs taste their own food LOL

The 2nd annual Oceanic Awards.

Ladies and Gentlemen live from a large bedroom somewhere in Swansea its the second annual Oceanic awards and here is your short ass, dry witted, welsh host Kevlar, "Thank you thank you, oh your to kind, hi there, oh please stop, ok then carrying on, woooowwh, all right, yyeeeaaaah, rrrrrrreeeeeebbbbaaaaaaa, woohoo, ok settle down folks"

Well its that time of the year again where we pay tribute to those who have walked in and stumbled out, those who have started chatting and finished slurring, those who visit as strangers but leave as friends and those who arrive saying "hi" but leave like shakey hand man saying "i love you man".

The second season saw some major highs and can't think of any lows and these awards were set up to reward those customers who helped my business be the success it is. It was a tough awards this year with lots of choice and scope for winners and awards but after the nominations being looked over by a judging panel (me and swearing Elmo) the results are in.

So lets get on with the show and see what lucky winners we have.

THE BEST DRESSED CUSTOMER IN A LEADING ROLL

This was such a fierce fought award this year it was like Naomi Campbel after losing her luggage but with the judging being on style and matching accessories it has to go to Janice and Phil.
Wow what a result, 2 years on the trot.

THE CUSTOMER WITH THE FUNNIEST COMMENT AWARD IN A SUPPORTING ROLL

This stood out head and shoulders above the rest even though this gentleman is head and shoulders shorter than the rest, it goes to 86 year old Les. Les a up to minute music guru who likes Matt Munroe was sat on a sofa outside when he tapped my arm and said "Kevin whats this rubbish your playing, I can't hear it" at that point i buckeled its like what peter kay said in pheonix nights when on the phone "I know who you are, who is it?" but the icing on the cake was the song that was playing was in fact Matt Monroe.

THE MOST HELPFUL CUSTOMER AWARD IN A SITUATION COMEDY

I had many helpful customers through the season, some with advice, some collecting glasses, some offering to help make drinks when i was packed out and some just offering to help drink my stock for free (very kind offer) but this has to go to a lady who went above and beyond the customers duty this award goes to Mary. At certain points during the season my water pump broke down which meant i had to flush the toilets after customers with 5 litre bottles of water, go to behind the bar refill the bottles from hose and put back in toilet, mary took it upon herself to flush the toilet with the bottle take the empty around the back and refill it for me, i found this out when i turned round and saw Mary walking out of the dark with the full bottle like one of those donation comercials to fund water pumps for villages, thank you Mary.

THE "MY CHOICE OF WORDS CHANGE WHEN I'M DRUNK" AWARD

Well if only the customers in my bar could tape themselves after midnight some of the language and slurring i've heard, well my mum would tell me to close the bar down if she new.
But this award has to go to a mild mannered, well spoken, friendly gentleman who changed after midnight and after 5 Amstel, a bit like Hong Kong Phooey by day a mild mannered janitor but then KAAPOW he changed, so ladies and gentleman this award goes to Phil of Janice and Phil.
My poor little innocent ears were red hot and the air as blue as penguines bum, but janice did put him in his place with every naughty word Phil threw out Janice hit him like Joe Calzaghe in a world title fight, well done janice.

THE "I LOVE SCREAMING ORGASMS" AWARD

This cocktail is becoming of cult status in the resort as it is nothing like you have ever tasted in any other bar and was by far the most popular all season, but this award goes to one table that ordered 24 in 90 mins, have you ever tried to give 24 screaming orgasm in that time? i tell you what, i was sweating and run out cream twice but replenished it quickly so this fine award goes to The Scousers, the reason why i call them this is because there were betwwen 6-8 of them come in every night and i can't remember all their names, it was like a scene from brookside.

THE MOST POLITE CHILDREN AWARD

All season every child i had in to my bar was lovley, no screaming brats, all well mannered and polite and none ever made a scene which is great to see after what i've seen at pools and around the resort but these 4 children used to come into my bar alone until their parents turned up a while later and they were never any trouble and always had drinks with a please and thank you so this award goes to Gav, Damian, Johnny and Steph, their parents Paul and Dawn, Gordon and Joan should be proud to have such good kids but when the 2 couples come out in oct and left the kids at home the text they got off the kids shocked me, but in the kids defence they were left at home and i would also be a bit angry being left in the horrible UK while mum and dad enjoy zakynthos LOL well done kids.

THE AWARD FOR BEST DRAWING IN A BAR

In my bar i have a light thats made out of the x-ray of my chest that i had to have for my medical before i could have my Greek bar licence, the bar was busy as usual and then as i walked out from inside my bar i noticed everyone smiling or laughing at me so i walked back inside, 5 mins later i walked back out to everyone smiling and laughing again until i realised that someone had drawn a AHEMMM male private part on my xray only to find out it was who i thought was a pure young lady who always visits my bar with her mum and dad, shame on you LOL this award goes to Lydia, fortunately it did wipe off clean but i was very impressed with the detail haha.

THE AWARD FOR BEST FOREIGN CUSTOMER IN A DRINKING ROLL

I think the gemtleman was German, maybe Dutch, or Swedish, could have been Finnish but i called him Eric as he looked like Eric Idle but i couldn't say his real name (to many letters in it) it was in october, i had weather proofed my bar from the wind and rain but eric would sit outside at one of my two tables and have a few beers, i would keep a look out to see when he reaised his glass and a fresh one would be taken to him without him having to come inside. I hope he didn't think i was trying to keep him outside LOL but boy he liked the local lager Mythos and i guess if he was from a Scandinavian country it was alot hotter in Greece even in October. Eric has got details of this blog so Eric if your out there buddy this ones for you, i just thought, if he didn't speak english he won't understand this HAHA!

THE AWARD FOR BIGGEST BUDGET FOR A DRINKING EPIC

There was alot of nominations for this award as i had so many drinkers and people stayed in the bar for so many hours each night but there was one family that stood out among all the others and that is Ian, Lisa and the boys. There bar reciept for just one night was as long Paris Hiltons make up list and as big as Dawn French's food shopping bill but they were such a good laugh and the 2 young lads were also great and well mannered. I almost retired after that night.

Well thats it for this years awards we've had some brilliant laughs and some amazing nights and everyone mentioned in the awards will get their first drink this season on the house, unfortunately i can hear Kate Winslet calling me to escort her to the Oscars tonight as her hubby Sam Mendes is at home doing the ironing, so of course i said i would help out but i have told her she's not my type so no tongues on the red carpet, she seemed a bit put out but just cause she lost her ex boyfriend on the Titanic doesn't cut it with me, goodnight, godspeed and if you can't be nice keep your mouth shut LOL