Why bother going on holiday

Whenever i go on holiday ( not very often) i like to visit the places of interest, taste the local cuisine and enjoy the countries culture.

So why do people go on holiday just to sit in front of a tv watching any sport all day, soaps and any british tv?
Think how much money you can save, here's your DIY guide to holidaying abroad at home.

1/ Attach your tv to the wall at least 10 feet off the ground so your neck hurts from looking up for hours on end.

2/Don't speak to your partner just in case you miss the vital plot line of your favourite soap e.g. "oh no wellard's been kidnapped"

3/Pour some pop over your living room table and leave for 24 hours in the sun to get that tacky surface bar effect.

4/Guys make sure the ladies get your drink when you've finshed your first one as getting your own beer while footballs on may make you miss a footballer picking his nose.

5/Make sure you have no sunlight on your body while watching the tv after all you don't go abroad to sit in the sun.

Wow i wish i could spend 600 pound for a week for 2 to sit in bar watching tv all day which i get for 42 pound a month back home LOL.

I do admit i watch liverpool and wales rugby when they're on but thats maybe 2 or 3 games in a month.

Sorry i'm late!

Hi folks and welcome to the next install,emt of "Oceanic-the bar that doesn't exist".

Well i've been a very lazy sod and resting most of the time as the bar has been pack jammed every night and not been able to have my first drink till 2.30am some days due to being that rushed but i love it. I had my first early close on change over day sunday (1.30am) but i really needed it to recharge the old batteries. I've been the last bar to close on the old road of kalamaki nearly all season sometimes even been the last bar to close in the whole of kalamaki but i wouldn't change a thing, all the customers i've had in have been so nice and i would stay open as long as they wanted me to, i've got some big thank you's to hand out but i'll do that at the end of the season also a awards presentation for some of my customers who read my blog.

Anywhooo i'm off to set up bar and i now have outdoor heaters so if your out late in the season don't worry you can still sit outdoors on the comfortable sofa's and enjoy the clear night sky instead of inside a smokey bar.

byeeee folks

First pics of kalamaki in time order

A gathering did this way come.

Today i will be posting the in the style of a pirate.

Ahoy there yee salty sea dogs, well yoho and blow me down i had a right bunch of scurvy cut throats in last night, all 20 of them from the quiet port of Argassi, they came to ransack and loot kalamaki but were soon brought to heel by my yo ho ho and a bottle of mythos sorry i meant rum. (pieces of eight, peices of eight) Be quiet with you you flea bitten excuse for a bird or i'll feed you to sharks. LOWER THE PLANK!
One of the motely crew (not the fluffy hair rock band) didn't know whether he be a woman or man after he dropped his shorts to show his underwear, i nearly made him walk the plank as it caused sea sickness amongst my regular shipmates, not a sight i want to see again, BRACE THE MAIN SAIL!
(Polly want a cracker) A cracker, a cracker? oh the luxury of a cracker, you'll be next on the plate bird with your "polly want a cracker", "pieces of eight" and "oi! you, w***er".
THERE SHE BLOWS! Time to head of out to sea for a perilous night is ahead, i'm in need of bigger serving quarters as the one i have now on the good ship Oceanic is full every night.
CAST OFF!(not the knitting term) I be off now AHA! (not the 80's norwegian electro pop band)

I own a piece of history.

I was talking with a 79 year old gentleman who has been on holiday to kalamaki for over 20 years and my property was the first bar in kalamaki he told me, along with the usual "i remember when this was all fields".

I'm in a thespian mood today so for the rest of this post i will be typing in the style of william shakespear, I thank you.

Cometh the afternoon when i can no longer caress the sun to my breast i retire to my slumber were the mechanic which chilleth the air doesth blow over me to ease the trials of heat that doeth plague me. Why doeth the rays of light that rain from the sun torture me so on one day then embrace my body the next. Each eve the juice of hop and barley take control and make people be merry for they know the time is nigh to return to the blighted land of home but wish to remain on this fair isle. Why do you mock me oh evil juice, for one moment you are my friend the next my most evil enemy who i wish i could smite with such vengance but the cold touch of thy bottle in my hand sooths my dripping brow. The life i have been given so rich in money, delights and friendship but so poor with Lidl food and greek bombay mix, i feel i haveth been blessed and fortunate to be given this life that i lead and will not stray from path that take me on this journey. oh zakynthos the island i love so much and place high up upon a plinth, you are a good friend of mine and hope you never die.

I thank you lovies, oh please no don't, your very kind.

Hello folks, its john.

Hello, i'm new to this and its very difficult to type as i have to roll over keys with a tooth pick in my air valve until i hit the right key.

Well kevlar has gone off to St. Dennis market to buy some cheap tat, you wouldn't believe how tight he is. Instead of getting a alarm for his apartment he left me sat on top of his wardrobe to guard it all winter. He's only taken me to the pool once all season and up until today i was left behind the bar door, WHAT A GIT!

Saying that he has promised me that he's going to make it up to me by taking me to some places on the island so when he does i'll post the pics, i fancy the Water Park and just floating around the lazy river so we'll see where we end up.

Last season when he took me to the beach with Ajax and kevlars angels i was left to drift away in the sea, i had horrible visions of what happened to my cousin "wilson" when he worked with Tom Hanks on the film "Castaway", the director let him just drift off, luckily for him he ended up in Brazil where there was the world female beach volleyball competition being held, LUCKY SOD! Fancy having all those toned you ladies rubbing they're hands all over you before slapping your behind. Unluckily for me Kevlar saved me.

Well i better roll back to the bar before he gets back to wash the floor. I'd like to hear back from any readers who would like to kidnapp me and adopt me.

Bye for now.

yours begging you

John

Its an historic day!

Well after months of hard work, sweat, bad language, stress, Lidl food, frosted shreddies, californian zinfadel rose wine and miles of running across to supermarket for stock, i have from last night made the money back i paid out on the bar, so from here on in i can relax and enjoy the rest of the season.

But the thanks goes out to you, my customers, for helping me by visiting my quiet humble little bar for a relaxing drink and a chat, your all great, cheers folks.