11 days till Open.

Well time has flown this week folks and how has your week been?

Work has begun on the bar and to be honest its mainly just cleaning and a lick of paint as i did quite a bit to it last year.
My washing machine is constantly on the go, 14 loads so far one after another and with 5 more to go.
I didn't realise how much there was to wash, ceiling material, wall material, curtains, cushion covers, seat covers, its all gone through the wash. Its been round more times than........than......than.....the magic roundabout, couldn't think of anything else, i got writers block i think. Good job the weather is warm and sunny and has been since we arrived on the 8th April, i can get all this washing dried and in within 2 hours ready for the next load to go out.

Zakynthos town is having a new road laid, YAY, thing is its being done badly by the looks of it so could be worse than the original road but lets wait and see. The side with the cars on has already been re-laid.

On the subject of Zakynthos town its quite sad to see that some businesses have closed which have been there since i first come to the island in 2001. These were businesses that were always busy, well known and good value but now just all locked up, a few are on the port road so that's not going to look good when tourism hits the island.

Its very strange you know how people react when they first see me.
When i see ex-pats its like "OH, Your back!", with the look of shock. Where do they think I'm going to be? What do they know that i don't?
But when i speak to the local Greeks and Albanians its "Hello Kevin, we were saying Kevin will be back soon, how are you?"
I always get a great welcome from my neighbours on the old road, they now think of me as one of their family, such nice people.

My house is now dust free, at last. Its quite a big house to clean. The balcony that goes around three sides of the house collects all the dust from the winter months so that needs washing down 4 times, then the 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, utility room/hallway and living room/kitchen need sweeping and mopping 3 times and that's without the display cabinet, god i hate that thing. Due to my lovely customers buying me tat to put on it i now have to polish the tat then take the tat off and polish 11 shelves. Its a pain in the ass i can tell you.
Haven't cleaned my bikes properly yet, poor things.

Biscuit is becoming very needy but he still lovable.
Biscuit is a Pygmy goat just in case your a first time reader. Now as soon as he hears my motorbike pull up in the courtyard he's straight up on his balcony for his treat. You can here him calling "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom" well it sounds like Mom, he can't say Dad.
I've never wanted kids and now i got a needy Kid. Get it, Kid = child, Kid = Baby goat and because its a Pygmy goat it will always look like a Kid it will never be a Beagy, beagy, beagy, beagy hiya BUCK! See what i did. I took a 1970's-80's TV reference and used it to tell you a adult male goat is called a Buck.

On the subject of animals i have 3 puppies who i found sleeping by my bins outside my house. I was leaving the house and saw three puppies run across the road from my next door neighbours house about 100m down the road. When i came back they were all huddled together by my bins. They look very healthy so I'm hoping they belong to the house up the road and they go back there. If i stayed on the island all year round i would take them in as my own.

Well its just a tiny update but a update none the less.

I have decided to end my updates now with a thought or fact for the week, so here's the first one.

Did you know you share more personal information with Facebook than your own government but you don't realise it. Glad i don't use it or need to.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

A quick after thought. Lots of you know i do medical trials for Cancer, Parkinsons disease, Diabetes, Heart conditions. So you can see what sort of things i do here is a documentary for you to watch if you ever get bored. Enjoy lol. And by the way i used to be signed up with Parexel, not anymore.

I AM HERE!

OK I'm here. We had a weeks holiday here first and now I'm all alone again and time to get the bar ready.

So much happened in one week, more than in winter.
OK so firstly had the passenger from hell sat next to us and we had booked front row seats so even though paid top wack for the seats the passengers aren't any better. He was effing and jeffing for 40 Min's before we took off as we were delayed due to police waiting for one passenger to get to boarding then stopping them from boarding and had to wait till bags were offloaded.
The stewardess was excellent the way she handled him and was going to get him taking off but he calmed down and kept on muttering under his breath, KNOBSTER!

Famous people we already met in the first week Will Mellor & Family was on our flight over and the legend Dick Van Dyke was in Solomos Square.

He loved the island he said.

The Legend Dick Van Dyke

Get to the house very tired at 3pm Sunday after only having 8 hours sleep since 6am Friday.
House was all safe and secure but very dusty as left windows open for 6 months with only shutters locked close but at least no mold unlike the house in Bochali. So we got to work cleaning what we needed to just so we could relax.
Monday finished off all the house then got to work on the bikes. Took a while but both got going once cleaned them up and charged batteries.
Something strange comes our way. We heard a noise. Went out to look in our garden what we had this year. No rabbits at all. Lots of very healthy looking chickens and the noise was coming from..........a Pygmy Goat.

He now comes up on to his little balcony the other side of our balcony when we call his name.
We have called him Biscuit, the reason being the first thing we fed him was a Digestive.

He so funny!

He has become very demanding though and now gets on his balcony and calls to us without us even going outside.

Had our first very very cold beer of the season and it had to be at my favourite place to relax after a Saturday night from bar when i close at midnight with my favourite beer. Bar 34 and a cold Levante beer. I will be stocking all the Levante range this season.

Had a couple of nights in town with lots of nice food and bottles of wine and just kicking back before i started on the bar today......well......i went and looked at it lol.

Had a nice walk all along the sea front from Zakynthos Port to the outer edge of town towards Tsilivi and what did we see..........DUCKS!

I think that when Sir David Attenborough retires I'm ready to step in his shoes with all my contact to wildlife.

In all, our first week was excellent what with staying in Zakynthos town for part of it at The Phoenix Hotel. Had a great room and got it cheaper than normal rates as they know me now from having my daily coffees there and staying there last October.

Unfortunately its on to business now for me and if I'm being very honest I think i have taken Oceanic as far as i can. The next step would be to add food as the bar has a food licence but i don't want to be involved with food. I got it to No.1 in Kalamaki, then No.1 on Island, then No.1 for the whole of the Ionian and finally this winter Oceanic was No.1 for whole of Greece until Tripadvisor change how the rating system works but that's fine, i got it there.
So no challenge anymore for me and i need a challenge when it comes to work, also my personal life in the UK is better than ever before so i think its time for those words "LET THE OFFERS BEGIN!".
Now as explained before, I'm open to offers, if no offers, then i keep it, plain and simple, i won't be walking away.  I know businesses in Kalamaki that are still open now with the same owners who have been trying to sell for over 5 years but asking way to much. Some empty businesses are looking for €30,000 and that's before you even get open and rent, so with Oceanic its a bargain for much much less than what a closed bar would cost and its fully functioning already..
But again, I'm open to offers and in no rush. I still have plenty of running in the old legs yet.

So just a little update for now and then more next week as bar gets set up.

So until then........

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Almost time to go but before i do.......two words..........CARDIFF DEVILS!

Well this is my final update from the UK. I would just like to say a big HELLO! to my new blog readers from Indonesia, Ukraine, Finland, Switzerland and Russia. How you doing?

So this update will be a big salute to the most awesome Cardiff Devils that has made this winter such a great one by becoming consecutive EIHL champions.

I first saw the Cardiff Devils in 1986-87 and to be honest i had seen a few NHL games which included a very little known player called Wayne Gretzky, ever heard of him? or Mario Lemieux maybe? Lets say at that point in time the Cardiff Devils were the equivalent of a Sunday morning  parks football team compared to the Premiership but don't forget this was a whole new beginning so that's fair enough. Many don't know this but British ice hockey league began in 1903.

After watching them through the 80's whenever i could and in the 90's also working alongside them they developed in to a force to be reckoned with within the British Ice Hockey league.

Step forward to the present day and the new era of Cardiff Devils team and supporters have been born  along with the back bone of the club, the devoted passionate Red Army.

Never has any team from any sport made me feel emotionally proud and that's saying something as my heart beats Welsh rugby.

I've never known a team to be so accessible to the fans. They don't just wave to them from the ice then bugger off until the next game, they meet the fans, they talk to the fans, have a drink with the fans at the bar and sometimes get drunk with the fans (Trophy winning nights only of course, wink, wink).

I've said before, if there were no fans there's no need for a team and this team leave it all on the ice for their fans, blood, sweat and tears. 

Now you can't talk about a team without the fans either. If you had to put a picture next to the definition for the word "Dedicated" then there would be a picture of The Red Army. They play each pass, they feel every hit, they savour every goal, they hurt with every defeat. These a real fans, not fair weather followers, they give their all win, lose or penalty shoot out.

My past two winters going to Watch the Cardiff Devils at the IAW have been my most memorable supporting them (apart from 1996-97 season).

There are 3 reasons for this:-

1/ A professional technically skillful team that give it their all to win and entertain at same time.

2/ A fan base that would give there last vocal chord and breath to spur their team on to victory

3/ The intro videos that on occasions have made me very emotional and proud of our team, city and country.

To show you the what i mean about the intros i have added two videos for you to watch. Even as i uploaded them and watched them again the hairs stood up on the back of my arms. These well crafted and superbly edited videos were the creations of one man and his name is Paul Sullivan. All i can say is outstanding! These are better than the WRU intros and I've seen allot of them at the Principality Stadium, hate that name, The Millennium Stadium. Real thought and hours of effort bring us fans these perfect works of art in motion.

Firstly The intro that Paul put together for our first home game after winning the league in Belfast when they brought the cup home with them, this was put together with only a 2 day turn around, amazing.

Secondly this is the Devils last video made by Paul after qualifying for the play off  finals which take place in Nottingham this weekend 7th/8th April 2018. Enjoy!

I may get Paul to make me a Oceanic Intro for when i step through the doors in to the bar as i open.
No, wait, I don't have any TV's in bar, nice idea though along with dry ice for me to step through.
No, hang on, That would be like stars in their eyes, OK scrap my entrance.

Now on to my crap poor pictures from my regular seat at the Devils last home game this season. It is a great view we have.

You get to see so many goals at this end of the arena and this season there has been so many.

Well that's it for this season of ice hockey and i will be watching the Play off finals on the sunny island of Zakynthos before i start work on the bar but between you and me blog readers i would prefer to be at Nottingham watching the games live there instead of live on a laptop, sipping a cold beer with the warm sun on my face.
Zakynthos has an ice pad, perhaps i could start a Zakynthos ice hockey team. As you know folks i bought new skates this winter to come out of retirement, well, just to go skating.
This is a call to all you Greek ice skaters, hang up your gyros cutting knives and cocktail shakers and join me in the Greek ice hockey revolution, we shall take over more ice hockey leagues than Agamemnon did countries.

We are Elite, We are Strong, We are Oceanic Titans.

So what is in store for Oceanic this year, not allot really. I did so much last year and people loved it that I'm just going to tweak it slightly not as much as other years and run with it. Added some new unique cocktails and some classic ones added also. Not many rock stars have died so not to many t-shirts added to the collection and i have decided its back to me running the bar as i set out, its a lifestyle. I had been so stressed out in previous years that i got to hate the bar but slowly over the past 2 years it got back to the original plan of what Oceanic was all about.
Also i have made another big decision as its the right time what with everything in my life falling in to place nicely and i have always said i would never retire on the island.
I will be selling Oceanic.
Now, now, now, before we all go throwing ourselves off cliffs saying "Oh no what will we do now" I haven't decided when. Of course i always consider offers, anybody would and i have had offers over the years. When i decide I'm going to sell i won't be walking away from bar until it does sell either, so if it takes 5 years then so be it but there is no way i would walk away from it and let someone step in to a business for nothing which i built up alone over years of hard work. As for how much, i'm not greedy or stupid, all i would want is the money i originally put in to it when i opened it 12 years ago so its a bargain for a fully functioning business ready to go without anything needed. So watch this space for when i say "Let the Sale begin!" but not yet though so don't panic.

And finally......

A fluffy animal story.

This is Dr. Duck. He's not really a doctor but i found him outside a doctors surgery which is nowhere near a lake or pond. Dr. Duck said having to wait outside a surgery for a appointment was Quackers. What? That joke would have been hilarious in the 1930's.

This furry little fellow is as you know my favourite animal, a Squizzle. This one though did worry me a bit. He hopped towards me and when i turned and stopped he stopped, when i walked away he followed. This went on for about 50 metres easily. Now i can add a Squizzle to my list of stalkers I've had.

Well that's it for the UK updates folks, feel a bit Vanilla about going back this year, can take it or leave it either way I'd be OK. Going to have a little holiday for a week then crack on with the refurb as i have plenty of time to do so this season, i may even add plants to my front of house plant pots this year, they only been empty for 5 years so think its about time don't you?
And i promise you all as i know you ask about him Kevin the Minion will be out and about on his adventures and we will be re-visiting the mad axeman, we have unfinished business.

So until my first update from the rock...............

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Countdown commencing. T-Minus 2 weeks and counting.........

Well, well, well, is it that time again. My hasn't it flown.

This winter has flown by even quicker, as they say "Time flies when your having fun" and this winter has been my best yet.

So whats been happening in the world of Kev.

Toys R Us is sadly no more in 2 weeks time which is such a shame as i loved working there being Santa's little helper but what can you do when the men at the top line their pockets then say "Sorry, we made a mistake with the accounts, our accountant read them wrong" and that's exactly what has come out of this whole shambles.

Ah well, i can relax straight after the season this year, YEAH RIGHT! Lazy, work shy and boredom are not words in my vocabulary. R.I.P. Geoffrey.

As you know we went to see Depeche Mode in Birmingham last November and we thoroughly enjoyed the concert and Birmingham, so much so we went backon March 10th just for the hell of it for a weekend.

We decided to stay in the same hotel and go on a 6 nations weekend when Wales played Italy, Ireland played Scotland and England played France. Didn't England finish 5th? I also think it was their worst finishing position since 1987, oh well, so much for a new era of English dominance eh, back to the drawing board lads.

We started our weekend off with a walk around the city centre in the afternoon before going back to room to watch England get beat by France. I think its a great city centre, loads there and not to spread out. As a special treat before we travelled up i booked us in to a Thai restaurant that was highly rated called Siamais. 

Good job we booked as they weren't accepting walk ins on the night we went, if you did walk in for a table you were allowed to wait in bar for a table if someone was a no show.

There was so much good food on the menu and some great cocktails.

We went with a Red Thai Beef Curry and a Massaman Curry.

Red Thai Curry

Massaman Curry

That was so good we decided to go for a dessert. We ordered a Mango and Passion fruit Cheesecake along with a Thai Sticky Rice.

Mango and Passion fruit Cheesecake

My Thai Sticky Rice wasn't worth taking a picture of but boy did it taste soooooooooooo good.
In fact I'll go as far as to say its the second best meal I've ever had, the first of course is The Hellenic in Cardiff. That was all washed down with a bottle of rose and some cocktails, a Passion Pop and a Spiced Monsoon.

From here we took a waddle around the city centre until we got to The Malt House.

In here we sat stuffed and exhausted from our marathon meal in 2 wing backed leather arm chairs and sipped at pints we didn't really want but it was one of those nights you didn't want to end so we carried on.
Unfortunately we couldn't even finish our pints and dragged ourselves back to hotel and happily crashed out.

SUNDAY! Bright and breezy up for breakfast and off to Sealife Centre where it opened at 10am and we were first in the cue as we were going to see the penguins and turtle, YAY!
We had visited London Sealife Centre and that was huge but the Birmingham one seemed better as the tanks were smaller so the fish, turtles and penguins were closer.

Me in Karl Strombergs lair, i told him i wasn't James Bond but he was having none of it.

One of Strombergs villainous trained killer turtles coming at me.

WATCH OUT! Phew, my turtle call distracted him.

After my escape from the jaws of death we went on to the lovable Penguins or are they?

Yes there are lovable and funny.

We did the whole tour of Sealife and what a great way to start the day off,

Where next? 

To the Bull Ring. We took a stroll over to Birmingham New Street shopping centre then on to Bull Ring and all around there, that is one big shopping centre.
Along the way i came across a dogs toilet, i kid you not, a public toilet for dogs. That's amazing.

The thing is this was the only one i saw so what if your dogs caught short elsewhere?
POOP DISASTER!

Time for rugby.
Wales V Italy, back to The Malt House. We took our table directly in front of the TV and got settled. There were quite a few watching the match but unfortunately it was Mothers Day and lots of families with kids, good grief, don't you know rugby is on, be quiet, PLEASE! I need to cheer on Wales. Did i say we came second in the 6 Nations? Not only did we have to put up with unruly children but they also had a acoustic singer on, every Sunday he's there. He sounded like Jasper Carrot singing Brit Pop Songs "Yaw me wunderwall".
Anyway, back to game. A week before we had a bet which i lost and the loser had to drink the worst shot the winner could think of. As i sat there a glass was placed in front of me about a foot away on the table. I could instantly smell from that distance tabasco, she's trying to kill me. It was a Bloody Mary, the last time i checked that isn't a shot, I picked it up and decided the way to go was just neck it. There was that much tabasco in there that the fumes off the glass were burning my eyes. I took a deep breath and went for it. I got half way and the back of my tongue was burning that much i had to stop and take air and beer. Is she crazy, mad, mental? It was like drinking magma (lava from a volcano) from a glass. We did see the funny side of it though once i wiped the tears away from my eyes so i could actually see. I will get revenge, she will feel my drinking wrath.
After a few pints and Wales had won we went back to hotel and saw the rest of our night out there until home time the next day. A amazing funny weekend was had by all.

Now then, we were having a conversation and i mentioned back in the 80's i had a lady stalker who used to call my landline phone and heavy breathe to which i said "What ever happened to the heavy breathers?" "Did the age of the mobile phone wipe them out?" They used to be quite common in the 70's and 80's. For those of you who don't know what a heavy breather is they just used to ring numbers at random and heavy breath, that's it. Not a common thing anymore, now you can just abuse anyone whenever you want through social media, i guess modern day heavy breathers are what you call "Trolls".

Really enjoyed my winter in the UK this time what with having a laugh going out and about, rugby, ice hockey and general fun times. If I'm being honest would be more than happy to stay in the UK now unlike previous years in the past where i couldn't wait to get back to the rock. Not done any prep for bar this time but i am going out earlier than normal so will sort everything once there as have time on my hands, slow and steady.

No rants today as nothing to rant about, I've been pretty stress free since June which is great, no need for stress, life is so much better without it.

So my lovely blog followers until the day before i leave..............................

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

WARNING! WARNING! FOOD RANT!

OK, so let me get calm first before i start to type my raging rant.

I read this article and it made me so crazy.
Health agencies want to cut 20% of calories from processed foods. AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

STOP MESSING WITH MY FOOD!

Now as you know i love food, i just love to eat.
Lets look back at what we used to eat.
Take a bar of lard, dip it in thick batter, deep fry it in beef dripping, heavily dust with salt then smother in beef dripping gravy.
Now its No salt, 0% fat, No additives, 20% less calories. You know what your left with? AIR or DUST, Anybody? No? DUST. Anybody? No? DUST.
There's a strain on the NHS because of obesity. How? People were eating more unhealthy years ago and the NHS was fine. We're eating healthier and NHS is at breaking point.

Now then, i liked some weird foods, i will try anything and i like food most people hate but due to companies being told to take out all the ingredients that make food taste good i may as well be eating a food called "Generic". It now all tastes the bloody same.
Its got sod all to do with the food, its got to do with educating people about food.
I want the choice of eating healthy or unhealthy not to be dictated to by some stick insect that survives on a blade of grass and thinks obese is anyone over 5 stone. Who is the person who set the bar for the weight for obesity? Who are they to say that is the correct weight?
Let companies give a full on version of a product along with a bland version and let the consumer decide. If they go the fat, fat and more fat choice they only got themselves to blame.

The article said "We have more obese children in England than ever before"
I can tell you why, its the food that the parents are feeding them. They have a choice the parents. Feed them good food or feed them crap. Both types of food are available now without having to make everybody suffer by taking the unhealthy goodness out of food.
I will give you my example. I am now eating 1000 calories a day, that's 1500 less than I'm allowed. Even with having less than half the calories I'm eating really good tasty unhealthy food and large portioned meals. That's because I've educated myself on food. I half the unhealthy portion and double the healthy portion. I'm eating pasta bakes, pies, sausages, burgers, biscuits, cake, chocolate bars so all the nice tasting supposedly bad food but with that i eat carrots fries, Cauliflower Rice, butternut squash waffles etc.
Food doesn't have to be destroyed, people just need educating on how to eat.
Cook a proper meal for the family which takes half an hour or drive through a Mac D's which takes 30 seconds? That's the problem.

People make the excuse "I'm to busy to cook a meal", yeah I'm sure you are with watching your reality shows, soaps and facebook. Its called laziness not busy.

So in the defence of bad fatty unhealthy food, let the people have a choice with warnings attached like cigarettes, they haven't taken nicotine out of cigarettes have they? Don't take their choice away.

LEAVE MY FOOD ALONE!

Feel better now and thanks for listening LOL.

I've sang with Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift.

Well its another update time and why not, after all what else have i got to do..........nothing.

We're on countdown, just over a month till i get on that big metal bird back to the rock, my 18th year. That has flown by and i only went out originally for one season in 2001. OK, i only spent 1 month in 2015 but that wasn't down to me as you know but its still been 18 years, wow. I am amazed, so roll on season 12 with Oceanic.

So, whats in store for you lovely people this update.

IT'S SNOWING. EVERYBODY STOP! Come on folks seriously. Its not the first time ever its snowed. It's snowed for hundreds of years that we know of. So why is it in this modern day and age where you can alter your face to look like a pig singing on your phone (why you'd want to i don't know) everybody goes in to panic mode when we get a few flakes.
We've had over a hundred years of advancement in machinery and engineering but travel still grinds to a halt cause its slightly colder than yesterday, REALLY?
Parents won't send their children to school in case they hurt themselves on the way or in the playground BUT its fine to let their children out chucking compacted hard snow balls at each other. One headmaster has a no snow touching policy in school in case of injuries and law suits. This is the society we live in today folks.
Snow used to mean Fun, now snow means law suits and blame game. Absolutely ridiculous.

Wales Rugby - 6 Nations.
I'm not going to harp on about TMO decision on the try disallowed as even if given that still wouldn't have meant we would have won the game, it would have just changed the course but what a game. England's defence in the last 30 Min's was brilliant and they had a great opening 20 Min's and that was it, so to defend so well for 60 Min's is a amazing achievement as Wales tried everything but just couldn't get that break which was needed. Also for England not to score one single point in 60 Min's of play shows Wales defence was just as good. Well done both teams but we won't mention Scotland to loud................SCOTLAND, SCOTLAND, SCOTLAND!

Cardiff Devils famous supporters club.
In the last update i showed you that Hollywood actor Vince Vaughan was a Devils supporter and he had his GQ magazine shoot in his Devils jersey.
Here is this updates famous supporter.

  

Yes its the rock legend and icon himself Mr. Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden. Firstly with Taz the Devils mascot, then showing his sideline in men's hairdressing on a Devils player.

The Devils have got a huge support base and have this year already got to the Challenge Cup final on March 4th and are top of the league, so, LETS GO DEVILS, LETS GO!

I come across this one day. Its an article about what you should leave behind as a man once you hit 40 years old.

http://bestlifeonline.com/50-items-no-man-in-40s-should-own/

I will list a few off that 50 which seem ridiculous.

Tracksuit - Perfect attire for over gym wear or sports kit, you wouldn't wear a suit to a Sunday morning parks football match would you?

Hoodies - Why not? Practical if rains, warm if cold, light weight to carry and easy to store. They're not just for yuffs and thugs.

Unstamped passport - Your lucky if you even get your passport looked at by a human these days let alone stamped.

Skinny Jeans - Again, why not? Not everybody over 40 has a beer gut, kebab meat thighs and saggy ass, if they fit well and look good, wear them.

Band T-shirts - I wear them allot. Yuffs wear them allot. The difference is i know who the band is, they think its a designer brand. I asked a girl in my bar who was wearing a Ramones t-shirt "Do you like them?" to which she replied, "Yeah they make great clothes". Unbelievable.

Baseball Caps - Now i don't wear them but allot of guys over 40 need them, how else would we keep our little bald patches warm and they are about the only head gear that suits everyone.

Having a Tattoo - Many people in later life have them. They see it as liberating and given them a new lease of life, for it to be a change or a "new you" moment.

That's just a few i picked out but who is anyone to tell someone else what they should or shouldn't wear, what they should or shouldn't do. We're all individual. We are unique. I was brought up in the Punk era when it was about being yourself and being individual. So why follow trends or fashion and be a blind brainless sheep being lead with the masses.

And do you know who wrote this article.....................

This guy, Mr. Eric Spitznagel,  he's 48

Call me Mr. Sarcastic but this........coming from a man who wears shorts with a suit jacket and i believe it looks like a Smiths t-shirt under his jacket. Idiot! By the way, he writes for New York Times Magazine, i rest my case.

Ladies, you don't get away with it that easily either.

http://bestlifeonline.com/50-items-no-woman-in-40s-should-own/

One that made me laugh on yours ladies is "Alcohol in plastic bottles", hilarious. I know of many women over 40 who take take plastic bottles of alcohol in their handbags on a night out in town.

And the woman that wrote this............
Rachel Jacoby Zolan, age unknown but looks under 40 and here she is...........

Both ridiculous articles.

As the heading states i have sung with the two biggest singing artists in the world.
Well, not exactly. I have sang in the exact spot that they will be singing from in the summer.
It has been announced they will be playing Singleton Park in Swansea. This park is just across the road from the back of my house. They will be playing there the 26th and 27th of May.
Oh damn and blast, what a terrible shame, bugger, I'm going to miss it, oh poor me, boo hoo, I'm so upset......................I DON'T THINK SO.
Thank god I'm not there.
I decided to go and check out the acoustics of where the stage will be set. I stood at the spot and decided to sing two songs.
My first little ditty i composed and sang is called "Just cause you can string two words together and play an old guitar doesn't make you a genius". This song was just the warm up song which the crowd seemed to enjoy.
My second song took me just 30 seconds to write, that's 25 seconds longer than Taylor Swift takes, its called "Your just a failed poor mans Dolly Parton". This was my closing song and the fans went wild for it.

Here's me on the exact spot where the stage will be.

Here is the view they both will have, can you see the wave of fans i had.........well two, you can just about see them sat on the grass but they enjoyed it.

And this is the road between the back of my house and Singleton Park, so glad I'm away.

Its been quite a glorious week for sunshine so i took myself off down the beach as its just 5 Min's walk from my house. It is so nice to walk on the sand, sun on my face, headphones on and singing at the top of my voice thinking no one can hear me. Then i remember, the gale force winds that burn my face off carries sound further so all the people walking along the promenade are getting a free concert from me.
Its my pleasure, no need to thank me.

Valentines Day.
How many of you men bought flowers from the garage? Does this mean you forgot gents? How many of you women bought a toiletries set? Does this mean you think your men are stinky ladies? That's fine. Its not about the present its about the love, a day to show love.
Our day of love was spent stuffing our faces. Our night was spent in my favourite Greek eatery outside of Greece, The Hellenic. I booked a nice little table for two and off we went.
When it comes to Greek food i could eat it all, there is nothing i won't eat so it was a difficult task.
We started with a bottle of Mythos and a bottle of Fix to help us decide. Sod it, lets just order a load and have it all together.
Tzatziki with pita, grilled Halloumi, dolmades with yogurt, bifteki and gyros merida.
It was amazing. The company wasn't that bad either LOL.
I've eaten all over Greece and in the UK, many, many tavernas and restaurants and The Hellenic is almost my best place for Greek food. The first is El Greco in Hersonisos on Crete but that's only because it made Lamb Kleftiko properly just lamb and potatoes with herbs which they cook to order 24 hours in advance.
If you visit Cardiff and looking for Greek food you won't find better than here but it is full most nights so you may need to book.

http://www.thehelleniceatery.co.uk/



And finally.............
Now then people, i found something a little disturbing.
As we all know i love to go to Costa's and just sit and enjoy a Caramel Cappuccino, in fact i have gained £13.50 on my club card i drink there that much. Hang on........I've just worked it out........I've spent £270 on coffee to get back £13.50. That's not a good deal. Anywhooooo, on entering the other day i was met by a poster with something that i can only call a obscenity. I won't point it out as I'm sure you can see it for yourself.

So that's it for another short but brief update. We are heading ever closer to season 2018 and as you know the updates become more interesting and a bit longer once on the island, until the next time .........

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Its time to tell you all the truth, i can't live a lie.

Friends, customers and blog followers, its time for me to come clean. For years I've been living a lie. I've been lying to myself, my family, my friends, my customers and to my blog followers and I'm so so sorry for doing so. Today i thought it was time to stop living a lie and open up to you all and it will take a weight off my shoulders, so here goes.
I'm short. I know i know, its been hard for me to come to terms with but it's even harder to keep lying to you. I'm only 5'5"  (1.65m), i am NOT 5'6" (1.68m), please forgive me. Phew! I feel so much better after getting that off my chest, thank you all so much for understanding.

Well HAPPY NEW YEAR! and no sooner we're over one holiday the advertising starts for Easter. Well, its only just round the corner after all, 4 MONTHS away.

Hey, hey folks, its all good so far with the start of a new year, 2018 and i hope its all good with you also.

Not really done much since my last update, just been resting my weary little limbs, well, after all i had nearly worked solidly for 8 months. in fact out of 245 days from May till end of December i had worked 234 days, that's just 11 days off, some people get that amount of days off in a month. One thing I'm not is work shy. In fact I'm now looking for a part time job as I'm so restless doing nothing it kills me.

I've been for my yearly medical M.O.T. and its perfect, resting heart rate and BP is that of an athlete, yeah, that surprised me as much as you and my BMI is also spot on. Always have this just in case I'm needed for a medical study at short notice.

So what news do i have. NONE!

So lets have a look over what's been going on in the world through the news, sport and papers. Where do i start, most of it winds me up so i try not to read or watch anything but its difficult.

Trump:
Lets start with Mr. Flip-top Hair. Who doesn't love Trump and i don't mean in a heartfelt way. He is like the real version of Homer Simpson. There is no filter from brain to mouth and I'm sure he doesn't understand anything that's going on in the world. Can you remember, if you've ever watched Father Ted, where Father Ted is trying to explain to Father Dougal that the toy cow he was holding was small and the real cow they were looking at was far away. That's how i envisage that Donald Trumps aides have to talk to him. I can't wait for the mid-term vote to see how much the voting has changed.

Reality TV:
Now i don't watch it but there is always something on front page of MSN, Yahoo etc etc so you can't get away from it. So i decided to look in to it as some of these programmes are called "Celebrity". Now then, in my mind a celebrity is a well known household name that perhaps 80% of people would know, for example, Rowan Atkinson, Gary Barlow, Ed Sheeran, Dawn French, Mel C, Lady GaGa, Gordon Ramsay, Mary Berry, Jesy Nelson, Harry Styles. Most people you would agree would have heard of these people in some way whether your young or old, even i didn't have to look them up, i know who they are and I'm crap with names.
Right, so here are the "Celebrities" on Celeb Big Brother and Dancing on Ice, here we go. Kem Cetinay?? Stephanie Waring?? Candice Brown?? Jake Quickenden?? Andrew Brady?? Rachel Johnson?? Jonny Mitchell?? Courtney Act?? Malika Haqq???????????????????????????????????????
What? Who? Where? Now i don't live under a rock and watch very little TV but I've still heard of many celebrities. I've never seen them on TV or listened them but due to news or chat i know of people. The Nine i have listed above which are almost half of the people on both shows i haven't got a clue who they are but i thought I'd look them up..................................They are nobodies. Definitely not celebrities. If they are celebrities then I've got just as much right to use that label as i was on Total Wipeout but of course i won't use it because "I'M NOT A CELEBRITY, NEITHER ARE THEY". Reality TV contestants, friends and family of someone famous can no way be classed as a celebrity.
If people watching these shows actually think these Z Lister's are celebrities cause they've opened a summer fete or have judged a biggest marrow competition then I'm sorry your sadly wrong.

Brexit:
Its been going on that long that if it wasn't in the news constantly no one would even remember it happened and lets be honest, everyone still doesn't know what the hell is going on.

Star Wars:
The Last Jedi. No spoilers here. If you added Ewan McGregor's Obi-Wan and Hayden Christensen's Anakin Skywalker i don't think it could of got less dull and bland.

Internet viewing:
Brilliant, captivating, gripping viewing "60 days in". I found this on line and there are 4 seasons of it and its so good. I'm only half way through first season but i just can't stop watching it once i put it on i just want to watch the next episode straight away. It takes normal everyday people who do normal jobs or are stay at home parents and put them in to a high security jail as undercover inmates, only the Jail warden and top jail sheriff know they are there, not one other officer or worker or inmate know who they are and they are treated the same as all the other inmates, killers, rapists, thugs and thieves.. They have been put in there to find out what activity is going on and for feedback after 60 days inside on what could be done to stop it and help the prison. If you can download it or watch it on line i highly recommend it.

Sport:
A referee In Ligue 1 in France kicked a player for knocking him over.
I think referees should be allowed to do this at least once to a player in every match as a test.
Lets face it, the modern day player on £250,000 a week with slippers for football boots and immaculate Nivea complexion (other men's skin care products are available) trips over a worm if it pops its head out the ground, so referees should be able to test with a kick how easily they do actually go down. When you watch the video the player doesn't even stumble after being kicked but if that was in the penalty area and kicked by a opposition player they would go down like they been shot by a sniper.

   

As the old ice hockey saying goes:-

And on the subject of ice hockey my very own Cardiff Devils has a very famous supporter, Mr Vince Vaughn.

Here is Vince wearing his Cardiff Devils jersey in his GQ magazine shoot.

I kid you not, that's a Devils shirt, the blue advertising on the shoulder is Cardiff Met.

Adverts:
Nationwide, Sisters singing.
Please, please, please, shoot me now. The most annoying adverts of all time. I just want to smash my TV. Go Compare has nothing on these two irritating earwigs.

Gigs:
As you know i love the live music. My motto is "If its not live its not music" or is it "If its not a band playing live its not music" or then again did i say "Live is alive, mime is a crime" it could have been "backing track is kak, bring live music back". I really can't remember to be honest but they all sound good to me.
Back on topic, myself and Leighton Kyle my Ex-actor/Drama teacher nephew went to see The Smyths at The Globe in Cardiff.
Here's a fact for you, The Globe used to be a cinema many, many years ago and was nicknamed "The Flea Pit", I don't think i have to explain why. It was here i saw the cult movie classic "The Warriors". Now then, this is the amazing part I'm 49 now and 5'5" (we know the truth now about my height) but i got in to see a x certificate film at the age of 11, yes folks, me, shorter than i am now, with skinhead haircut, Dr. Martins, bleached jeans and harrington jacket was accepted in to watch a violent adult  film. That's why "The Flea Pit" was what it was. God bless The Flea Pit.
So back to present day. We had seen The Smyths before but this time they were also going to play Morrissey's solo material.
We got prime seats on the balcony at the front and were set ready with our tins on San Miguel (4 for £12). The lights dim and the band entered stage right. It is with great sadness that i never got to see the Original band but i can honestly say if you closed your eyes and listened to the sad, wandering, soothing but satirical lyrics and masterfully crafted melodies you wouldn't know that it was a tribute band.
They played through the solo material first which didn't seem to get as good a reaction as The Smiths songs but with songs such as "Everyday is like Sunday", "Suedehead" and "Last of the famous" how could they not be greeted with as much applause  and ovation. They continued on with seamless ease in to "There is a light that never goes out" which carries one of my all time favourite lyrics "And if a double-decker bus ,Crashes into us, To die by your side Is such a heavenly way to die" . Follow that with all the other classics such as "The boy with a thorn in his side" and finishing with "How soon is now?" what wasn't there to like about this gig. Well, apart from one song "That joke isn't funny anymore", I wanted to throw myself off the balcony at that point, to quote The Smiths themselves after listening to that song "Heaven knows I'm miserable now". Can't complain really, a 27 song set list, all played live with no backing track, only one dull song. I look forward to the next gig.

Note to self: Get a proper camera.

Its amazing to know that Morrissey and Johnny Marr never wrote the Smiths songs together in the same room. In a interview i heard with Johnny Marr Johnny would record the music idea he had on a tape then post it to Morrisey to write the lyrics and arrange the melody. Then it was tweaked back and forth. Now that's pure music talent.

Well i think I've covered all avenues, Politics, TV, UK, Films, Streaming, Sport, Advertising and Music. No need for anything else really, I'm happy with it.
NOPE! forgot one thing...........how could i forget...........

Food & Drink:
A couple from Worcester had their wedding reception in.............wait for it..........a KFC!
How freaking cool is that? You can stick your Scottish Castles, far flung AI resorts, 3 Michelin Star restaurants and Marquee in a stately home with swans roaming round in my bucket.
Can you imagine. For £15 per head you get a bargain bucket each. For £15 per head in any of the fancy places above you get a single Vol-au-vent wannabe called a Amuse Bouche.
I want a invite to anybody who has their reception in a KFC, the chicken gravy is on me!

And here is the proof

Best food I've ever seen, a Yorkshire pudding wrap, Nom Nom Nom, yummy!

And to finish, a cocktail you will never see on my menu, Avocado Cocktail.
Vodka with other stuff and fresh avocado puree or as i prefer to call the drink "Snot in my bar", its a play on words, get it?

There we are folks another fun packed update. Hope it will keep you going for now.

So until next time...........................

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!