T Minus Countdown till the rock and other blabbering crap.

Well its a certain amount of days till my return to the rock.........can't be bothered to work it out but its less than 365 and more than 1.

Now, i say its rant time but its not really its more of things that annoy me. I don't get angry about things anymore as I've mellowed allot more than i was over the past 2 years so here i go anyway........

"It's rant time, everybody loves a rant time, all of us need a rant tiiiiiiiiiiime, IT'S RANT TIME!!!!"

1/ Mobile phone couples

So your a couple, you go out for a coffee, a drink, a meal, you sit down and before they've even ordered..... the phones come out from both and not a word is uttered between them for the whole day/night out.
Myself and Sian are amazed and find it so funny. We see it everywhere we go and almost every couple are doing it, perhaps we're the odd ones because we don't.
When we go out our phones are nowhere to be seen, in fact our phones are only ever looked at when we can be bothered, even in the house or we use them to find directions when we go out and about.
We love going out, being in each others company and chatting and having a laugh.
WHATS THE POINT IN GOING OUT JUST TO IGNORE EACH OTHER?
I use my phone that little that i get 200 MB of data a month and at the end of last month i still had 199 MB left. Question, where did that 1 MB go?


2/ Passwords

 So these days you need to join and add details and create a password just to find out the weather so i don't join anything that asks for all that rubbish but for buying and travel you need to add passwords.
You think of a password and type it in. You are asked to confirm it so you type it in again. Then in big red letters it tells you its not usable as you need a capital letter, a number, a symbol and at least 8 characters long.
AAAAAGGGHHHHHH! TELL ME AT BEGINNING NOT AFTER I'VE PUT IT ALL IN, IDIOTS!

3/ Estate agents

I've been house hunting for four months since i got back.
Had a cash buyer for my house in Swansea (Brilliant) as my mum wants to be back in Cardiff closer to family and me.
Now then........Estate agents are useless, honestly, one estate agent knew nothing about the area or even the house we viewed with her.
You give specifics and price range and then you get mail shots for houses worth £400,000 with 6 bedrooms and a drive with double garage.
2-3 BEDROOMS I SAID AND I DON'T DRIVE.
Pictures. They look great, rooms are light, rooms are huge and no problems. You get there and rooms are as dark as caves, they are the size of actual doll house rooms and mold is everywhere.
TAKE BLOODY NATURAL PICTURES AND SAVE US ALL THE TIME WE TAKE TO VIEW IT.
You enquire about a house for sale, no sign of offer pending, no sign of sold but when you call they tell you its one or the other but its still online.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I WANT TO SEE HOUSES THAT ARE AVAILABLE NOT HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT SELLING CAUSE YOU'VE SOLD EVERY HOUSE ON YOUR WEBSITE, MORONS!
Unfortunately didn't find anywhere so now on hold until i come back from Zakynthos.
Don't like estate agents at all. No wonder i bought privately last time.

4/ Reality TV and their Z listers

I do not watch any reality TV at all cause its not real life, its garbage. I saw a advert for "Made in Chelsea" there were a couple arguing and then a drink was thrown in the boyfriends face over what i don't care but lets see why it's not real shall we.
First there is a camera angle of both facing each other, then one just of female, then one just of male, that's 3 camera angles. This shows its obviously all staged and NOT reality.
Are you trying to tell me that just as they are arguing in real time that a producer quickly gets 3 cameras together, positions them perfectly on stands and catches it all?
To get those shots the dull, idiot Z listers would have to be stood on marks with perfect lighting and a director calling camera angles and the YUFF of today think its real and aspire to be like these brainless reality stars that are churned out week after week.
SHOW THE REAL LIFE OF EVERYDAY PEOPLE WORKING HARD TO SURVIVE NOT Z LISTERS HAVING MONEY THROWN AT THEM TO ACT BADLY!

5/ Rubbish sports

I watch allot of sport Rugby, Ice Hockey, Football, Boxing, and many others but some sports are just......... RUBBISH!
Where do i start.

OK Golf. You place a little white ball on a stick then hit it with another stick and walk after it and keep doing this until it goes in a hole. I think its more of a walk with a activity involved. It does take skill though.
I see it the same as me walking on one of my marathon walks, kicking a conker that has fallen off a tree until i get bored then passing it down into a drain, same thing but you can't class that as a sport.

Formula 1. Its someone driving fast, wearing out tyres and having Kwik Fit fitters on hand. For the spectators which pay through the nose to sit on a grass bank and see a flash of colour go past, HOW EXCITING! Every 1 MIN 25 SEC you get say YAY! for 1 second as they flash past you. It does take skill though.
I see it the same as a few mobility scooters going around a supermarket up and down the aisles taking those sharp bends at the deli counter but i see the scooters for longer and don't have to pay.
The only good thing about F1 is the start and that's just because there may be a collision after that its DULL, DULL, DULL!

Indoor bowls. This was on BBC2 not so long ago. If snails had a spectator sport this would be it.
Also if a Blue Rinse company had a advertising board there they'd make millions just from the spectators either side of the bowling green.
Can't call it a sport though.
By my old house there was a bowling green and after school i used to play as we got an hour each day for free and even i could hit the jack and get close to it so you don't even need skill if i can do it.

Test Cricket. Firstly any sport that takes 5 days to play out is a past time, not a sport. Secondly it can only be played in warm sunny climates which basically means the teams get a free holiday every time they play. The game itself starts with indecent behaviour with a person rubbing their groin with a red ball, then running 20 metres, throwing the ball as hard as they can with some spin only for another person to put a plank of wood up to stop it dead. BRILLIANT! STUNNING! WOW!
Do it again, do it again! So they do, repeat 10 times out of 12. Its the only sport i know that scores in the hundreds but can still end up a draw.

SPORT HAS TO BE EXCITING, THESE ARE NOT SPORTS!

Many people I'm sure hate the sports i like which is fine by me, we're all allowed an opinion but my sports aren't boring.

Feel much better now after that, I'm sure there was one more rant but can't remember what.....never mind, I'll remember for next time.

FOOD TIME!

I love melted cheese. Not so fussed on cheese without it being heated but warm melted cheese is so good. This led me to a eureka moment, how about a baked cheese and smokey bacon sandwich.
I began buy buying a bloomer bread and cutting it length ways so you only get 4 slices out of it.
Then you grill off 4 rashers of smokey bacon.
Place the 4 slices of bacon on one of the slices of bread and then cover with a mound of grated mozzarella.
Place on top of that another slice of the bloomer bread. cover the whole sandwich with a mound of grated mature cheese, some salt and pepper.
Wrap in foil tightly and place on a baking tray in a oven at Gas mark 6 / 160 fan assisted for 20 Min's.
After 20 Min's unwrap the sandwich and finish off under grill until golden brown.
Add sauce if preferred then stuff your face while it all drips down your chin and burns the roof of your mouth.

MMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

WARNING: This is a heart attack on a plate.

MUSIC!

What has happened to the good old but naff party songs these days?
All the songs are so serious and dramatic and "woh is me" sounding. Aren't the modern generation of singers happy? They all sound so depressed when singing and the lyrics are just the same words repeated over and over.

Example, Rhianna her song "Work" here are the lyrics:-

Work, work, work, work, work, work
You see me I be work, work, work, work, work, work
You see me do me dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt
There's something 'bout that work, work, work, work, work, work
When you a gon' learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn
Me na care if me tired, tired, tired, tired, tired, tired  

GENIUS!

So for those singers who have forgotten how to have fun here are some awful, terrible party songs

This kept Ultravox - Vienna off the No.1 spot, TRAGIC!.

This was also a No.1.........HOW?

This is terrible, just terrible and another No.1.

See how simple we were, that simple we made this No.1

This didn't make it to No.1 only No.2, god help us all.

I am now close to shooting myself after all these awful but hugely popular songs and it doesn't get any better, another No.2 and i mean that in both senses.

And the worst of the worst which was No,1 in 10 countries, can you believe it. This is one rabbit that should have been put down.

And kids, all these songs were played relentlessly at nightclubs, parties, weddings etc 
On second thoughts.........stick to the boring depressing songs your writing now.

The rock is getting ever closer and there is no major changes this year to the bar as i did allot last season, was going to get some new sofas but my saying is "If the sofas ain't broke don't change 'em"
I have got a few ideas but these are just subtle changes.
The drinks menu has a few new cocktails I've created over the winter and i have added the ORIGINAL Porn Star Martini made exactly how the creator Douglas Ankrah makes it, so this is the correct and only way to make it.
My body is telling me i don't have to many seasons left in me because as I'm getting older the bar is getting busier but i would never employ a member of staff as its not how i want the bar to be also I'm a real tight ass so paying a wage would make me cry lol.
Not only that but my life in the UK is the best its been now with my personal life and don't want to spend to many more seasons away, i feel more settled now and more chilled here.
In saying all that i am back for my 13th season with Oceanic and my 19th season in all just in case the rumours are flying as usual that I'm not returning like they were in 2015, 2016, 2017 and 2018.
Amazing isn't it, when will these gossips learn lol.

And finally..........

I LOVE RUGBY, I LOVE OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM, I LOVE MY COUNTRY.
BOYS, YOU MADE US PROUD.

So until my final update from the UK before i leave..........

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

TRY AGAIN! Lost in the wilderness for 3 months, I'M BACK!

Firstly it's been a sad few days for the music industry with the loss of Keith Flint from The Prodigy and documentary/youth culture presenter Magenta Devine both of whom i have met in Cardiff when i was a DJ.
Back in the day bands used to travel around the nightclubs promoting their singles.
Keith i met in Ritzy/Astoria Nightclub in 1991 when The Prodigy were promoting their first single "Charly" and Magenta i met in Neros Nightclub in 1986 when she was with the band Sigue Sigue Sputnik.
You would get a few minutes with the bands to go through the schedule of the night. For that brief moment in time they were both really friendly nice people from completely opposite ends of the social scale.
Both pioneers in their on fields and brought so much to Music and youth culture that in these days there will be no one who will even come close to replacing them. Both will be missed.

Now then........this is now the third time I've tried to write this update. The first time as you all know i had a complete meltdown after deleting all my writing. The second time exactly the same thing happened after almost finishing it but i was nowhere near the delete button, so here goes a third time.

Because the last 2 updates were so long i think that may have been the problem for the page deleting so i will be leaving out "Rant Time" for this update.
 I write a stream of consciousness then go back and edit it so all 3 updates wouldn't have been the same. I hate trying to think of what to write as it never seems genuine it feels forced, so fingers crossed this time it won't disappear.

For 3 long months i have been in the wilderness with no playing with toys, no blood and urine samples, wandering lonely as cloud around Cardiff and just basically being bored till Sian comes home from work.

November - As part of my birthday present from Sian i was bought tickets to see Human League with Midge Ure as support. AWESOME!
Midge Ure was great and could still hit the high note in Vienna, shame the backdrop looked like a stage in a Valleys Working Men's Club. Can i say that these days? Am i being sexist? Sorry, Valleys Working Sheep's Club. It was just a black sheet with white lights shining down it.
Then out walked Phil, Susan and Joanne. They started off with "Sound of the Crowd" my favourite Human League song and finished with "Being Boiled" my second favourite Human League song. Actually they finished with "Together in electric dreams" but that wasn't Human League that was Phil with Georgio Moroder. It was amazing. Until you watch them you forget how many hits they've had. If they were playing again tomorrow I'd be there.

December - Christmas blah blah blah. It gets stretched out longer every year and for what......30 Min's on one day and its over, the only thing good that came out of Christmas was the present that Sian and i gave to each other.......A TRIP TO SWITZERLAND FOR NEW YEARS! Woohoo!

There is no such thing anymore as a last minute deal, book way in advance is the only way to save.
We booked this trip in March 2018. Return flights for 2, 3 nights in a hotel on the bank of lake Geneva in Montreux and train tickets from Geneva to Montreux and don't forget this is New Years in total cost us £450. It's cost me more than that just for a hotel in London for New Year and Montreux is a much better place.

Flight from Gatwick to Geneva 95 Min's, perfect.
Train ride along the whole length of lake Geneva is great, 69 Min's from airport to Montreux.
Straight to hotel and all checked in by 11.45am New Years Eve.

I've been here before so i knew my way around but this time the hotel was perfect and a amazing location on the bank of Lake Geneva.

View from our room.

so beautiful.

Mountains to left of us........

Hotels to the right and I'm........... stuck in a hotel with you.

Christmas tree was still up.

Freddie at Christmas.

I'm not in to wine bars, cafe bars and bistros they're OK for a special occasion but not for a good old drink, i like a good old bar. We had a walk around but didn't have to walk far, 5 Min's from hotel was the Barrel Oak.

Now any bar that has a real log fire lit and on the fire hood two of my favourite things Liverpool and Jack Daniels is damn fine place.

20 different draught beers at 8 CHF a pint, that's £6

Shaker cocktails the same size as the ones i serve 45 CHF, that's £36, i charge 5€. Maybe a price change lol.

The view from Barrel Oak dining area.

On to Veyvey which is the next town along from Montreux. I came here the last time but just a quick visit. This time did a bit more exploring.

The seahorse guardians of lake Geneva

That's one god damn big bauble.

Is this the last C&A store in existence?

This is the casino floor in Montreux. That floor area used to be 3 separate recording studios with the mixing studio on the opposite balcony. This was owned by Queen and the mixing studio is now where the Queen museum is in aid of Mercury Phoenix Trust. Artist such as David Bowie and AC/DC have recorded here.

And finally where else in the world would you find a vending machine on the pavement full and in working order.

I have to say that out of anywhere i have been in this world that Switzerland is my favourite place, it does feel like my spiritual home. Its peaceful, beautiful, relaxing just makes everything feel and it was sunny and warm again all the time we were there.

January - Apart from Switzerland another boredom filled month.

February - Like Christmas we decided for Valentines to just get a gift for us both so a Trip to London on Valentines weekend it was.
Once again, the early bird catches the worm. We booked this in June 2018, weekend in London with Hotel on St. James Park by Trafalgar Square and return coach in total £140. BOOM!

I've been to London so many times I've forgotten and i used to work and live in London for a year at Harrods, Selfridges and Max Bygraves luxury apartment in Victoria, that was a bit obscure i know.
So there isn't much of London i haven't seen.

We took a lovely stroll through Hyde Park and came across a statue i had never seen before. Its huge! I mean the statue. Its a war memorial with the figure of Achilles and his famous special armour that everyone knew him by. It was a amazing sight to see. I mean the statue.

We aren't in to going places where you go to be seen or brag about we go to places that are interesting. We found a doorway that was a Sushi bar called Ichi Riki. You walk down stairs and go in to a basement that has only 24 seats. It just looked like a cafe. The menu was vast and we didn't really know what to order as so much choice so we just ordered a load. Best sushi ever.

Only part of what we ordered and great value.

Time for a drink and just across the road was a good old pub called Grafton Arms.

As we were sat there i noticed pictures of Harry Seacombe, Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan dotted around the walls. Then i found out that The Goons used to write their sketches in a room above the pub and Spike use to work behind the bar sometimes.

A trip London is never London without feeding the Squizzels in St. James Park (that's the main reason i got the hotel there). We fed loads of Squizzels but just as Sian was crushing nuts out of their shells a Blue Tit flew on to her hand sat and took a nut. Sian decided to hold her hand out and up and these birds starting flying in (Not pigeons, yuk). They were Blue Tits and Grey Tits then a Robin and finally a Parakeet. There were 5 Parakeets on the trees around us by the time we left.

Ring-necked Parakeet

A Robin

It was like scene from Snow White all Sian had to do was sing "A song and a smile".
Birds feeding from her hand, Squizzels at her feet and Gooses pecking at her bum.
At one point there was a Squizzel sat right by her feet looking up at Sian sorting saying "Oi! Look down here. Where's my nuts?!

Siany's takin' us to the London zoo tomorrow,
Zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow
Siany's takin' us to the London zoo tomorrow
And we can stay all day

PINGUS!

Said in a Michael Caine voice "Pingus, bloody millions of em!"

LIFELESS MONKEYS!

BORING LIONESS'S!

STUPID SLEEPING LION!

JEBUS THE DONKEY!

SLOTH!

GEOFFRIES!

SQUIZZELS!

Squizzel with his nut box. Be funnier if it was a sack.

And finally for my good friend Tasos a whiskey shop.

Now you know me, I'm a big fan of the arts. I go to museums, I've been to a few operas, i paint a little, i sometimes dabble in poetry. Its time to see my first Am Dram.
Not holding out much hope if I'm being honest.
We got to the place where the performance was and it was "Musicals through the ages from stage & screen".
Now in my mind i would be sat in a school hall with a stage, with curtains and changeable backdrops.
NOPE! My living room on Zakynthos was bigger than this room and the stage was no bigger than a good sized dining table.
OK, Kev be open minded forget the room size.

I better get a drink, GOD DAMN IT! Only wine or lager, i drink neither, now i have nothing to numb my senses.

The first song "The Wizard of Oz". I was bursting to laugh and they hadn't even started singing but i sucked it up and stayed rock steady. The start was OK, i think nerves were there.

As the show went on it actually wasn't that bad at all, we had songs from Grease, We Will Rock You, Joseph and his amazing techni dreamcoat, Cabaret etc etc. The singing got better and better and that was without aid of a alcohol anesthetic.

Joseph and his coat. Well there wasn't a coat which i think there should of been as its not called Joseph and his Technicolor t-shirts.

And here are Pink, Christina Aguilera and Mia singing Lady Marmalade when they reach 60.

All said they did a great show with the very limited space. I will throw my name in to the mix if ever you do The Greatest Showman, me as the lead of course as i have the voice and choreography experience. My part as "The Singing sheep" in Joseph and his amazing technicolor dreamcoat when i was 11 at Sophia Gardens brought rave reviews in Variety Magazine and my solo of "Once in Royal David's City" at LLandaff Cathedral didn't leave a dry seat in the house........I mean eye....dry eye.

Now my one real pet hate is bad signage, advertising or signs that make no sense.

Here is the first idiotic advert.


"Vegan Fish Fillets" WHAT? If its vegan it won't have fish in it anyway so they would just be "Vegan Fillets".No need to have fish anywhere in the advert. IDIOTS!

"Pub of the year 2012" we are now in 2019, that means you've been less than great for 7 years, WHY WOULD YOU!

And finally, the lowest of the low, a sign that has no sense at all. A sandwich delivery service that's tag line is "Who you gonna call?". OK that's fine but to then add the Ghostbusters logo is ridiculous. WHAT THE HELL DOES A GHOST HAVE TO DO WITH A BREAD RELATED SNACK?

I saw a lady going in to her workplace wearing "Active wear" and before anyone says "She may be going straight from gym" she wasn't. She had make up on, wasn't sweaty and her hair was hairspray perfect. So then i thought to myself the next time i get a job i will wear my Pyjamas and dressing gown to work as i find them comfortable if women can wear active wear.
Then to my amazement that same day in Swansea City centre i saw a guy, i am not lying, this is real and i took the pic.

How spooky is that.

And finally, RUGBY!

We overcame France, We struggled against Italy BUT......We dominated England's predictable kicking game.

I've been to the Principality many times to watch Wales versus All Blacks, France, Ireland, South Africa, Australia, Tonga and Japan also i managed there but when i go to watch England its never enjoyable like the others.
To much rides on that game and nerves are shot whenever I've been to watch it. Tension is high, you don't get that party friendly atmosphere and both England and Wales are bad losers when they play each other. In saying all that ......WE WON! IN YOUR FACE CHARIOT LOVERS!

WALES, WALES, WALES!

And on to the World Cup. I know the 6 nations isn't over yet but I'm realistic and give ourselves little chance of beating Ireland. They are a dangerous team.

Well, no deleting this time thank god. Not long now until I'm back on the rock. Flight out is 1st May and bar needs nothing doing to it, just a clean up and I'm open.

So until my next update........

Serve All, Love All, Peace All.......Kevlar Out!

Lost in the wilderness for 3 months, I'M BACK!

So just in case if your wondering why the title doesn't match the writing i shall tell you.

I had just added 52 pics, written for 4 hours and was most probably 2 paragraphs away from finishing when i hit by accident "Delete"

WWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, is the stupid delete button so close to return button?

YOU GOD DAMN, S**T, SUCKING, B*****KS, F*****G, IDIOTIC, B*****D, PATHETIC, W****R, T**T, STUPID, C**K, S**T OF A BUTTON.

I FEEL SO ANGRY.

NOTE:- I am not wanted for a murder i didn't commit.

Calm now after that, phew. Will update this week sometime and exactly 2 months till i'm back on the rock.

Serve All, Love All, ANGRY All, Kevlar Out!