Before i start i must drag some very spiky holly over my tongue but uttering these six words and one letter "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year". Good job i only have to say it once a year.
So my lovely blog readers how was your festive holiday time? Mine was work, work and more work. 7 weeks, 6 days a week, 10-12 hours a day which finished on Christmas Eve and then i slept for 16 hours straight through. Never done that before, i must be getting more mature (no not old) lol.
As predicted Christmas came and went, all that fuss and bother for 2 Min's of making your living room messy with wrapping paper that just goes straight in the bin or if your like me, iron it, rub off the biro written greeting and use for someone else's present next year. OK I'm only joking, i only do that with the Christmas cards. I apologies to the person who got a Christmas card from me with "Merry Christmas Son" on the front of it.
My brilliant mum did wonders again with the house. Santa didn't know whether he lived in Lapland or Swansea. It always looks wonderful and all her own work. In fact in the area where we live its become a tourist attraction. This isn't a lie, cars were pulling up outside with families in and their little kids would get out to look at the lights. It was really nice to see but there is no way I'm dressing up in red suit and saying "ho,ho,ho". Have you ever seen a skinny, short ass, balding Santa? I think not!
And on that note how is it OK to tell a child that just for one night its fine to let a stranger enter their bedroom, eat and drink for free and allow the child to accept presents from someone they have never met before. All seems a bit weird to me.
Mums Grotto at the Swansea winter wonderland.
My time in Toys R Us was great once again. Plenty off toys, no screaming kids due to the store being closed and lots of Radio 2, 4 and 5.
I became a regular on many of the shows over the course of the 7 weeks being mentioned numerous times on Sara Cox's Sound of the 80's, Wake up with Vanessa Feltz, Anneka Rice Morning Show, Janice Long after Midnight, Alex Lester Show, Huey Morgan Show and Up All Night with Dotun Adebayo.
I was a bit cheesed off with Janice Long the one night. On her show around 12.30 am she plays a song then you have to make a connection to that song and then they play that song the next night and so on and so on. This particular night the song was "Love Cats" by The Cure. So i contacted her with this connection "Venus is the goddess of love, Cats have fur, the next song should be Venus in Furs by Velvet Underground". She loved the connection but you don't know if she's chose your connection till the next night at 12.30am as there are many connections called in.
The next night come and would you believe it my connection won, WOOHOO! but she didn't play my song. This is how she announced it "The winner of the connection song is Kevlar in Swansea, Kevlar says Venus is the goddess of Love, Cats have Fur so the song should be Venus in Furs by Velvet Underground. But Velvet Underground also sang I'm waiting for the man, so here is "i'm waiting for the man".
WHAT? IS THAT THE CONNECTION I STATED? The song she played doesn't have any connection what so ever with Love Cats, aggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! My genius has been ruined by Keith Chegwin's sister LOL
I had my most fulfilling night ever in Toys R us this Christmas. You know when you do something that it feels so good you get a warm cosy glow and satisfaction. Well i had the pleasure of marking down all the One Direction products for the bargain shelves. Every single item of theirs was cut back to half price, YEEEEHAAAAAA! My master plan of destroying them from within is working, next step is when they visit Cardiff's Millennium Stadium, i shall cause them to split up after the concerts by spiking their gripe water in their tommee tippee cups.
My evil plan begins.
Lets have a look at some of the items on sale this christmas within the store.
Firstly Barbie has stepped up with the times and become more real so here is pregnant Barbie. Along with pregnant Barbie you can purchase Dead Beat Dave her sponging boyfriend and her single bedroom council flat. YOU GO GIRL!
Pregnant Barbie, plastic surgery to remove stretch marks sold separately.
Now then. What crazy monster decided to make my little minions dressed in pink? No, no,no,no,NO! NEVER EVER,EVER,EVER,EVER,ever,ever,ever,EVER,EVER,EVER,NEVER,EVER dress a minion in pink. There is no such thing. Minions always wear blue.
To the kids that read this blog, if any of you were bought this item for Christmas i can only apologies for your parents buying you this hideous piece of lounge wear, they know nothing about minions lol.
Talking of minions and my little buddy Kevin they now have their own version of Operation, also, Monopoly, Cluedo, basically you name it and you can get a Minion version of it. Big hint folks, buy Minion toys now in the sale as this years big hit movie is going to be "The Minion Movie" and all the kids will want a minion, so buy it now. Kids, you didn't just read that OK.
This has to be most weird and disgusting game I've seen. From what i can make out you take it in turns to walk a toy dog. If it poops you keep it, get 3 poops and you win. What the ........! Is this really classed as fun? If they want to pick up dog poop tell them to go out the back and clean up the dog crap from the present of a puppy you bought for them the Christmas before but now its a full grown dog they don't want to know it lol.
There are moments in life that are quite traumatic, Being robbed, Falling down a cliff face and being rescued, Being run over by an Ambulance and your house burning down. For some unknown reason Playmobil seem to think all these every day disasters are fun and happy times.
"Sir can you hear me. Sorry but we've just run over you and you may have 2 broken legs"
My legs matter not, I'm beaming from ear to ear.
"Now I've got your money I'm gonna shoot you, no one gets out of here alive"
Does this face look bothered, I'm happy and you know it.
"Mr. Numbnuts, you've broken every bone in your body through not wearing any safety lines while climbing and may never walk again"
I don't care, as long as i have a smile on my face the world is all good.
"I'm sorry to say Mr and Mrs Fagburn but we can't save anything from the fire in your home"
Ah that's OK, we still got our smiles so who cares.
And being Rev. , when did Noah wear braces? I'm sure that it was sack cloth clothing with rope for a belt. Well that's what Russel Crow wore in the film.
This is a public announcment.
Every year hundreds of helpless boxes are locked away from the world only to be crushed. The box population is being wiped out as i type. Every day over 300 boxes are crushed in Toys R Us alone. If they could speak they would be saying " Save Us" but they can't, they're just square or oblong boxes, depends what they're being used for. If you can offer a box a home this year please do. They wont ask for anything, they never complain, they never get in a mood if you don't buy them sweets and they are always willing to store items for you.
If you can't offer your home then please offer your donation of sellotape. With just one roll of sellotape we can save 50 boxes and put them back together again.
No one wants to see this, why shouldn't they be given the chance of a second life.
So please, when you see a cardboard box blowing down the street or on skip think about its needs and give a box a home. Thank You.
TV this Christmas. Myself and Helen both agree, absolute rubbish. Rubbish re-vamps of comedies, hundreds of repeats and crap Disney films like Tangled, Little Mermaid and Frozen, and god forbid the first person who i hear sing "Let it Go" from the film Frozen on Karaoke, i won't be accountantable for my actions. The only thing I've watched of any interest and excitement is Ripper Street Series 3 on amazon Prime and my toes wiggling. why when i look at my toes do i have to move them? I can't look at them without wiggling them, strange. The thing is the weather has also been crap so been stuck in the house allot but we have got out when the sun has come out to play.
One advert has got me very very angry.
The "build your own Millennium Falcon" from Star Wars.
100 editions of the magazine with a part of the falcon in each edition for you to build. Oh yes at £8.99 an edition.
That's £899. Oops sorry, i forgot first edition is £2.99 , so it will cost £893 to complete it.
Now for all you geeks out there, DON'T BOTHER! You can buy a replica model of the falcon from 1979 in its box for around £150 and that will only increase in value. Who on earth would be stupid enough to buy all those magazines? Please don't contact me if your going to lol.
I've only been out of work for 12 days and bored, bored, bored. In fact i was bored by the 27th. I think i was just born to work. Perhaps in a past life i was that donkey called "Jebus" who just kept going and going and walked that long distance with a pregnant woman and a carpenter. If I'm doing nothing i start to go crazy and can feel myself getting more like a coiled spring ready to..............what does a coiled spring do when its not a coiled spring? Anyway i need to work or do some physical activity, apart from running, i like sprinting but jogging, oh my god, shoot me now!
As soon as i wake up at about 5-6am i just want to be up, dressed and out if i could, well, apart from when its raining, Yuk, wet feet.
So what does 2015 have in store. Well i don't think the bar can get any better or busier than last season, not much to be done to it this year but there will be some new decor changes as never like to keep the same look 2 seasons on the trot. While others may stay the same or even copy other businesses i always find something new for the bar that no one else has, have to keep one step ahead of the competition, i like to be a trend setter lol or what most people would say "different". News on that closer to season time. Got my ideas in place, i know what i need and where to get it from so its all pretty much sorted. Also will have some new unique cocktails for you again this year.
Spoke to my good friend and best buddy Tasos yesterday and all is good on the rock, he, like me, is also bored but enjoying time with his 3 wonderful girls and snow. Yes, SNOW! He said its -25 deg. I think that may be slightly to low and his thermometer is stuck. Perhaps that's the temp in his wallet as it never sees the light of day lol Just joking buddy.
So that's about it for now. I know i haven't really done that much in all this time but work is work so not much to tell but I'm sure there will be more now that i have time on my hands.
Until the next update you all be good now you hear,
Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!
