OCEANIC SEASON 8, EPISODE 6 "I declare this island Kevlardom"

Well, well, well, if it isn't blog update time again, this week, with pictures HOORAH!

So not much to say on the bar apart from wow, wow, wow, its looking like another record being broken but still 7 days to go yet so lets wait and see.
 Even though the bar is busy and I'm rushed off my feet its a shame that now British tourists have got hardly anywhere to stay on the old road and have to stay a bit of a walk away from it. A Majority of people who visit the old road actually prefer it once there, they prefer the atmosphere and more laid back approach than the new road but have to stay in accommodation a distance away from it.
As I'm setting up the bar hardly anyone passes with a British accent but hear many different accents as they walk past.
So this got me thinking, i do think quite allot actually but mainly about rubbish like this thought now.
If in the beginning God create Adam & Eve, heaven and earth, plants and animals what language did he choose Adam & Eve to speak? Also the snake was a bit of a scholar himself as he could also talk as he spoke to eve and tempted her with a Cox's Pipin (other varieties of apples are available). Now, if these 3 could talk they must have all spoke the same language. My question is, if Adam & Eve populated the earth. how did all the other languages come about? Surely all the thousands of Adam & Eve's offspring would have spoke the same language or did the snake and Eve decide to come up with another language so they could take the micky out of Adam.

Snake:- "Right Eve, just for a laugh we'll come up with a secret language OK"
Eve;- "That sounds fun, we got nothing else to do apart from sit around and  Jeremy Kyle won't be on for another couple of million years"
Adam:- "Hi guys whats happening?"
Snake:- "Edrychwch arno, yr hyn y idiot" (look at him what an idiot)
Eve:- "A allai Duw wedi gwneud iddo heb fod yn fwy deniadol yn eich barn chi, dipyn o Minger" (God could have made him more attractive don't you think, bit of a minger)
Adam:- "What you saying? you were just talking the same as me until i walked in"
Eve:- "A'i llysiau gŵr bonheddig yn ddim byd llawer i siarad am" (And his gentleman vegetables are nothing much to talk about)
Snake:- "nid ydynt yn curo o leiaf gennych chi rhywun i gael jiggy gyda" (don't knock it at least you got someone to get jiggy with)
Adam:- "You talking about me? Tell me, that's so not fair, I'm going, you wait till Dad here's about this"
Eve:- "pa beth a rydym yn galw yr iaith hon" (What shall we call this language)
Snake:- "beth am Gymraeg, fi yn hoffi bod yn gall i ddweud sssssshhhhh ar y diwedd" (how about welsh, i like that as i can say sssssshhhhh at the end)

That is how the first ever language was formed, well welsh is said to be the oldest language. I was told that by my welsh teacher so it must be true LOL

I now have my new phone so i can now take pics, woohoo. thank god. I Like to share my travels and experiences with you so here in picture form is my first day out and about on my bike but bloody typical it was cloudy and got rained on twice.

Here i am ready to set out on my great adventure

As i made my way over to the West coast i looked across and noticed it was worse over there than the east coast so decided to stay on the east coast.

I came across a talking donkey his name was Bob. He told me he hated having his picture taken. He was tied to a tree so what was he going to do, un-tie himself and beat me up, he hasn't got fingers and thumbs for the knot.

Has the mad axeman struck again? One single Flip Flop, is it the Flip or is it the flop? Or was it the re-enactment group for Monty Pythons "The Life of Brian" where they follow the messiah with just one sandal. "He is the messiah, i should know I've followed a few"

The canal at Alykes/Alykanas. Why don't they do something with this stretch of water like rent out punts or Gondola trips up and down with a free glass of champers. such a waste. Admittedly it ain't Venice.

I came across this Villa development which there are many of around the island but you would be pretty fed up if you had bought one off plan and lost your money. Only buy what you can physically see folks is my advice.

All the metal girders are now rusted and would be no good anymore, don't think these are going to be completed some how.

Here is a lovely little fishing port past Tragaki, no one here just me. Would be a nice place for a little coffee shop with loungers but not even a snack shack here.

I came across this church near Pantes. Bit spooky, it was so quiet and no one around. I did like the peacefulness but resisted going inside. The mad axeman ordeal has got inside my head lol.

Now this little cutey was up near the fortress, chained up, guarding nothing, but someone has been feeding and watering her. Such a shame, i go visit her twice a week with little treats, she gets so excited, bless her.

This is the first restaurant i ate out at in Zakynthos town in 2001. Well its out on the very edge of town half way up the hill as your heading to Tsilivi. At night they have a guy playing a grand piano while your eating. I've had Wild boar and Ostrich fillet here on two occasions.

At last. they are fixing the bridge in to town. The stupid thing is they closed it yesterday for a month. Great timing. Didn't do it in winter when the island is quiet but decide to close it just before high season and when the Greeks and Italians invade the island off the ferries with their cars and motorbikes.

Oh look, a river of pea green soup. The Klangers would be in their elements on the island at the moment.

Smelly river has now become even smellier river with a rancid green topping, just what tourists want to see and smell.

My first harvest of grapes at the house. i think I'll make my own wine and sell it at a stupid price. Well, after all the harvest i have is only enough for one bottle so it would be a unique exclusive one off bottle "Taste of Oceanic". We'll start the bidding at £1 million, any takers? LOL

I'm so excited, Lidl have got curry wurst (curried sausage), curry and sausage, 2 of my favourite things put together, food heaven. Forget your Michelin Star food, this is the real deal.

People seem to still be going crazy about selfies, I've said it before and will say it again THEY ARE YEARS OLD, BEEN AROUND BEFORE MOBILE PHONES WERE EVEN THOUGHT OF. So being as its selfie this and selfie that, here is my collection of last weeks seflies.

Here's me on the way to Alykes, just to the side of me was Bob the Donkey, he didn't look impressed at my effort.

Here is me sat at the coffee shop on the Alykes/Alykanas canal, 2 Min's after taking this it rained, BUGGER!

Here's me sat on the beach near Amoudi, 2 seconds after taking this it rained, BUGGER, DAMN, BLAST!

Here's me at Tsami Hotel near Kipseli, one of my 5 hours of sunbathing since 30th March, it didn't rain HOORAY!

Here's a saucy pic of me in the shower. Showing a bit of ankle ooooOOOOOHHHHHH! Someone said I've got feet like a Hobbit. Really? Hobbits aren't real. Now if you said feet like a Bilboa Baggins then I'd say yes as he is real just like Mr. Tumnus.

Next week i will be giving you a history lesson about the Fortress as i visited there again (5th time) as it was a crappy day but here are a few pics taken at the fortress that have nothing to do with your history lesson.

I believe that history has been told  whoever plants the flag at the fortress takes control of the island, in that case, "I claim this island as my own and name it Kevlardom"
"By the power of fortress Kevlar, I HAVE THE POWER!"

Here is the bench where i talk to Forrest. No not the trees and flowers i mean Forrest Gump. We sit a chat about his mom. boxes of chocolates, shrimps, blah blah blah, same conversation every bloody time. Nice guy though.

Now this lamp post in the middle of the Forest in the fortress is of great importance. This is where i meet Mr. Tumnus. He's a terrible time keeper. always got some excuse, caught by an evil queen, been turned to stone. Come on Mr. Tumnus just tell the truth, you overslept.

Well folks now I have my camera again in can start to take pics of customers on their last nights for the website.

Another 2 and half hours have flown by while i write this so its shower and washing to be done.

Until next week........

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

OCEANIC, SEASON 8, EPISODE 5, "Invasion of the plastic cups"

Well Howdy Diddly Diddly Doo Bloggerinos and how the devil are we this fine week? Oh, I'm not to bad, can't complain, thanks for asking.

The World Cup is here, Hooray some of you out there say, Boooo say the others. Not bad is it, you get a free holiday to Brazil, stay in a 5 star hotel, get paid a stupid amount of money and only have to play 3 games before you can then relax by a pool for the rest of the tournament LOL. Oh, and before you go saying "Where are Wales then?" I've already said they're crap and never watched them since i was sat behind the goal that Paul Bodin hit the crossbar from a penalty that would have sent us in to our first major tournament since 1958. I blame his stupid moustache.

Still no phone yet so still no pictures and I've seen loads of funny things that would have been great for the blog, aggggggggghhhhhhh! hurry up phone and get here.

So shall we begin. June has continued in the same footsteps as May and its looking very good. Everyone who comes in keeps telling me the resort is very quiet. I don't know myself as i just stay in Oceanic from 7 till about 3.30am at the moment.

This seasons fashion accessory is the clear plastic cup. If your walking down the street make sure you have one in your hand. They come with a variety of different coloured liquids to match your outfit. With every plastic cup comes a free, YES FREE, plastic straw, WWWOOOOOooooooooooo! Yes folks you too could have "The All Inclusive Look". Now I'll be devils advocate here. I really don't have a problem with AI's. That's not whats making the resort quiet. No, its the fact hoteliers are opting for other European tour companies over the British ones due to the other tour companies are offering better money per room. Makes good business sense, you can't blame them. Why accept 10€ per night from a British tour company when say a Romanian, Polish etc etc offer 15€ per night. That's not just gossip that's what hoteliers and apt owners have told me why they have changed tour companies. That then leads to less people eating and drinking out as they usually go self catering and cook themselves and drink on the balconies.

Now don't all faint at once but I've had 3 hours in the sun. YES, lucky me. Only been here two and a half months so not had the time really LOL. I do allot of running around for the bar in the daytime's after the busy night before so can't complain really, I'd be more worried if i was out and about relaxing every day without any work to do for bar.

Did i ever tell you that I'm possessed by an old lady from around the 1930's-1940's. Its a weird thing cause every now and again a song pops in to my head from around that time and its being sung by an old lady. What do i mean? Well songs that go something like "oops, dear, who's your lady friend, who's the little girly by your side" just randomly pops in to my head and i have never heard them before and i start singing them out loud, when alone obviously, not when I'm in the middle of a shopping street. I haven't got a musical version of turrets. They are all along the lines of those sort of feel good songs that they would sing during the blitz or on stage. Come on, you know what i mean like "Have banana, its a big one" or "Doodsy doh, diddly doh, diddly doh dee di doh". Those little ditty's that were sung while bombs were raining down, that stiff upper British lip, "Look at us, you may take our homes, you may take our lives but we'll sing a jolly good rip roaring song as we go, that will show 'em". I'm not Derek Acorah so please no asking for me to get in touch with the other side LOL.

I've had my first deliveries of the season. 1 box of frosties, 2 black pudding 2 white pudding, 12 M & S Muffins, 2 large black puddings 12 Wharburton Crumpets and 1 bottle of Honey Jack Daniels. All that has been given to me in the past 2 weeks and all i got left is 2 crumpets 1/4 of the large black pudding and half a bottle of honey JD. Why does it all taste so good mmmmmmmmmmmm. I do like cooking but i do miss a Tazies Burger at the end of a busy shift while I'm sat on bed making a mess as it all falls apart but tastes so good. By the time i bought one and got home it would be cold but they do taste really really good. That's why allot of the time i take a Puzzle Special salad home as its already cold but it does make a mess when eating it in bed LOL.

I do miss not having pictures to put on here and write about, seems weird and because of that i got to write more, GOD DAMN IT! It takes me long enough to do a blog update without having to write more LOL.

I've been asked a few times this season "What makes the bar work?". I don't know. Maybe its because i have the oldest form of entertainment, just music, conversation and drinks, nothing else. That combination is thousands of years old. In the courts of kings and queens there were minstrels (that's musicians not the chocolate sweet), alcohol and conversation. They didn't have Karaoke, bingo, quizzes, TV's, wifi and theme nights back thousands of years ago. You wouldn't see Henry VIII on a karaoke "I WANT TO SING NEXT! Put that song on by Herman and his Hermits, I'm Henry the VIII i am. Where is thy lyric sheet, give the mic more reverb so i sound good or its off with your head"
Its no huge secret what i do, its just a bar being a bar and nothing more than that. As soon as you start to put on events and offers people will only come in if they want those things and you isolate the people that don't want those things. You can't go wrong with just music and drink. Everyone drinks whether it be alcohol or non alcohol and everyone has listened to music. Simplez! (It also keeps your cost to a minimum, tight short ass welshman you see LOL)

Well folks my 2 index fingers are starting to ache from typing so much so I'm going to soak them in a warm cup of water with some radox in it. Poor index fingers.

Until my next update (hopefully with pics)

Serve All, Love All, Peace All. Kevlar Out!

OCEANIC, SEASON 8, EPISODE 4 "Don't call me Lucky"

Well howdy dowdy folks, Its update time once again, a little late but boy do i have good reasons. You wouldn't believe my last few days, aaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhh!

So shall we begin. The feedback I'm getting back for the decor of bar is all brilliant. I didn't actually like it myself once i had stepped backed and looked at it once i had finished it all but that's just me being critical of my own work. Still got a few things i want to do to it but nothing major, just tweaking it a bit.

Tweaking, Twiki, Buck Rogers in the 25th century, "Beedeebeedeebeedee, Whats up Buck?", if i was Twiki at the moment i would be saying "bugabugabugabuga". OK so since I've arrived on the rock I've had a major problem with Murphy's Law - "Everything that can go wrong will go wrong", First of all my 3 motorbikes all didn't work and needed servicing with new parts and batteries, then no electric to the front of the bar due to the workmen who laid my new floor (IDIOTS), Satellite dish at house was fine last season but knackered this season so needed a new one installed, Laptop for bar needs re-booting every night before i open, my UK mobile phones hardware crashed and gave up the ghost and on Saturday at 8pm my glass wash machine decided to spit its dummy out and pack in never to wash another glass again. On top of this Saturday was packed out, Sunday was busier again, Monday was just mayhem having used my emergency chairs, my emergency emergency chairs and borrowed more chairs from Puzzle restaurant and yesterday was full house also. Now i never complain about being rushed off my feet, that's grand, but having to wash glasses by hand after serving over 200 drinks is a complete nightmare and my oh so soft hands now have fingers that look like shrivelled chipalatas, i kid you not.
May ended up being my record May since i opened 8 years ago with also breaking my previous record night in May. June is only 3 days old and last night broke my record night for June. At this rate my world watched actor nephew Leighton Kyle will have to put his high flying acting career on hold and help me in the bar for 5-6 weeks. Again i take each day as it comes, I'm very realistic when it comes to my business and know that it can't be full every night and it would be stupid of me to think it should be, "whatever will be will be" as Doris Day once said, you can't make people come in your bar, they will go where they want to no matter what you have to offer, after all its their hard earned cash and they can spend it wherever they want and good on them i say.

At this point i do have to say that all the efforts i have made over the years to make the Oceanic a comfortable relaxing place for customers to chill out in have paid off as the bar has now been voted the No1 business in the whole of the Ionian Islands and been awarded a 5 star certificate of Exellence for 2014 which is now 3 years in a row. Again this is down to the customers that drink in the bar, its you that create the atmosphere, i just run around like a headless chicken LOL.

http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Attractions-g189456-Activities-c20-Ionian_Islands.html

I have many people coming in talking about this blog but the main talking point is "The Mad Axeman". I do have an update. I still have not been back to dig up the trainer no matter what size it is. The other night after i closed the bar about 3am i came home to find my outdoor storage cupboard wide open. Now this you say doesn't seem that odd, well it is. That door to that cupboard gets jammed shut and you got to tug it open real hard, the wind would never be able to open it. In this cupboard i keep my chainsaw, axe, machete, scythe, shears and glove with razor sharp blades on, basically anything that could maim or kill. Is this another sign? Is he trying to say "You have all the violent implements from horror movies that i need to chase you with". Last night the outdoor cupboard was open once again when i got home and when i got in i had no water. Is this his him saying "You won't be able to wash your hands of stealing my wood logs". Each night before i go to bed i check every cupboard, under bed, lift up sofa seat cushions, inside washing machine and my washing basket. He would be pretty desperate if he hid in my washing basket, that would definitely kill him. I may venture back to the shack this week as Leighton Kyle is here at the moment so i will take him and if he comes out of the shack i got someone to throw behind me while i run for it. Sorry mate, i got a bar to open.

So now i haven't got a good phone i am unable to take photos of my customers on their last nights or take pics while I'm out and about until i get my new one delivered. But before it went KAAPUTT! I did take some pics.

Every season i try to visit a few of my favourite places just because they're quiet and peaceful  with beautiful views. First of all the villages of Louha and Yiri. Its lovely just to go to these villages and have a coffee and admire the valley which they are situated in.

I don't think the villages are that bad, bit extreme shooting the sign, just don't go there lol.

Climbing!

Getting higher!

There we are. Head of the valley lies Louha

Now i don't sunbathe that much but when i do i like to go to really nice places or nice hotels and this is definitely my most favourite place to sunbathe. Porto Limnionas. It is one of the most beautiful places on the island and has a great restaurant there for lunch.

Forget celeb selfies, my selfies are the dogs doodaa's. lol

You can see from this pic where i was sunbathing. They have cut ledges in to the side of the cove where they have placed sunbeds.

While i was sat above Zakynthos town having my coffee i noticed a outdoor light for the cafe bar. Just down from the outdoor light i noticed the trip switch for the light. Now I'm no electrician but I'm sure an outdoor electrical box should have a cover on it. Nope, wide open to all the elements. Must constantly trip out every minute. Only in Greece.

As i was riding home Through Gaitani i couldn't believe my eyes what i saw in front of me. Talk about packing them in. There must have been easily 6 suitcases in the back of this cab. I kept my distance just in case as the ones on the left hand side are only being held in by the force of the boot on them and only one strap to hold the boot down. If i had got close enough i could have easily have pulled one out. Damn, i need a new suitcase as well LOL.

I really miss not having my old phone as seen so many things i needed to take pics of for this blog. Ah well, new one on the way.
Haven't really done that much apart from work, work, work, due to it being so busy. It can take me 3 hours a day just to sort the bar ready for the night what with collecting stock and products, cleaning the bar and set up. Yes i do all my own cleaning as well. Always said that if you can do the job yourself why pay someone to do it for you, also I'm tight haha.

The weather here is still shocking. Grey, windy and trying to rain. At nights i still have my outdoor heaters on. Just have a huge storm and get it over with. Since the start of the season i can only think of 6 days with sunshine all day. Never known a May like it in 14 years. Just glad i got another 5 months to get a tan LOL.

Just a shout out to anyone coming over, black pudding, crumpets, breakfast muffins and frosted Shreddies still welcome. I will refund the purchase cost no problem, never expect anything for free. Oh and being cheeky here, Honey Jack Daniels, i don't need dozens of bottles just a few as i got a taste for it when i was partaking in the odd tipple with Mr. Kyle and Mr & Mrs Scales till the early hours of the morn. You can message me through my website about the Jack Daniels just so i don't end up with hundreds of bottles ha ha.

Very short update i know but weather has confined me to house and the bar has been that busy been getting out late between 3-4am and just running around for bar in daytime.

Hopefully will have got out and about before the next update and not been murdered by the mad axeman.

Till the next update folks.

Serve all, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!