A champion has been crowned!

I know its a day early but Helen arrives tomorrow so i won't have time to update and sorry to disappoint all my loyal readers but the next update will now be in 2 weeks as i do little work on the internet when Helen's here as we try to get out and about. Update :- The website i use for this blog wasn't working properly when i first wrote this so i couldn't publish it but Helen is now here.

I would like to welcome my 4 new readers in China and hope your enjoying the blog, any chance you can send me over one of your cheap cruiser motorbikes? See, always seize a chance of a bargain LOL

So how are we all this week? All well i hope in the dull, wet UK. Its still crazy heat here, in the day its really hot still around 34-38 and at night a warm breeze so its pretty humid. Usually at this time of season it starts to cool down slightly but no let up yet but i reckon this year it will be a sudden drop in the night time temp, also we haven't had any storms this season so think we're due a big one.

Bar is still going 100 mph and have broken the record for August already so i cant ask for any more and the season could finish tomorrow for me as its been an amazing one, so thanks to you all who have visited and to all who are going to visit.

So as you know we had the World/Leeds connect 4 championships at the Oceanic this last week and would you believe it the world No.3 Cogga won it. What did i say in my previous post. There was a rumour of performance inhancing drugs being used but after testing we only found a slight trace of blood in his alcohol stream. Cogga won the connect 4 championship trophy which he has to defend every time he visits Zakynthos, the pricless Oceanic champions t-shirt and a cheque from the Bank of Oceanic for £1,000,000 (post dated for 2058, don't think i'll live till i'm 100 haha). A big thank you to the Leeds 16, Woody, Big Bob, Alison, Mandy, Eden, Bailey, Colby,Brenda, Dave, Jayne, Callum, Daz, Heidi, Chris, Carol and Andy, They made 10 days of my season a real good laugh and enjoyed all your company, Baileys and Mythos companies profits shot up during those 10 days LOL.

The champion in all his glory, Cogga.

Now don't get me wrong, i know times are hard back in the UK and companies have to cut back to save money but when i buy a tin of Heinz chicken soup i expect at least a quarter of the soup to be made up of actual chicken pieces, it doesn't say on the tin "chicken flavoured soup". So i was amazed that when i bought a tin and opened it up only to find 3 pieces of chicken, if you can call it chicken as they were that small. A kitten wouldn't even satisfy its peckishness after eating these 3 tiny pieces of pink whatever its meant to be. What you see in the picture was all that was in the bowl along with some flavourless cream. I was really looking forward to my soup as sometimes its nice just to have something simple. Please Heinz next time put on your tins a warning label "This tin may contain no or very few piece of a substance that is meant to resemble chicken".

My A La Carte tin of Heinz Chicken Soup.

So i have now had my confirmation e-mail about my live audition for Total Wipeout. I have to do a 1 minute presentation of myself in front of the producers of the show then its a 2 hour physical. BLIMEY, i've seen a few of the shapes and sizes on there so it can't be that hard a physical can it, lets hope not as these old knees creek more than a door in a horror movie LOL. Still haven't made my final decision on whether to go back for 3 days yet for the audition and the support has been amazing all saying "Go for it", its very difficult because of the business but on the other hand i'll never get this chance again. So i'm going to leave it till 6 days before the flight home to see how busy or quiet it is then decide but the season does start to slow down then but Sept is usually a great month for me, i'm gonna play it by ear. August would definately cover what i would lose for those 3 nights and i would be back open Sun the 11th Sept if i left on Thur the 8th but i'll keep you up to date on that.

We had St. Dionysios Festival this week and of course my favourite part, The Market for 5 days but i was very disappointed, they were still selling the same crappy trainers as they were 5 years ago, end of line Adidas and Nike Air Max all god gosh awful and if it wasn't those it was Apidas and Nicks. Got myself a lovely watch though, the seller said it was the only watch in the world like it, solar powered, he wanted 25 i said no and walked off, i went back later, he said 25 i said 10 he said no, i walked off, i went back later he said 20 i said 15, deal done 10 euro cheaper. Look out Lord Sugar The Apprentice may be the next show i aim for LOL.

If i do go back to UK for Total Wipeout then i'm even more excited about seeing our new home, haven't seen any pics of it but can't what to see it and have a sit in my comfy cuddle twister chair, i bloody hope the plastics still on it and no one elses bum has sat on it first, can't be doing with someone elses ass groove on it, it has to be moulded to my ass groove haha.

Oceanic's got talent!

Phew, what a scorcher, as The Sun may say. Boy its hot in day and very humid at night, my air con is working overtime, in fact its been working that hard that i think i can actually hear it asking me to leave it turned off just for 5 mins so it can have a rest.

Well it seems this week i have a very very talented bunch of people in. Of course with me being a culture vulture they've come to the right place what with my priceless collection of belly button fluff sculptures and of course not forgetting my own works of abstract art that adorn the walls of Oceanic.

First we have Alan who has very kindly offered to donate quite a few works of his art for me to frame and hang on the ceiling of Oceanic for next season (all being well i'll still have a ceiling next season LOL). He told me to look through his website and choose which ones i wanted and he would gladly give them to me which i find very kind of him. there are some good honest folk out there after all. After looking through Alan's website and me not taking advantage of his generouse offer i've put an order in for 50 pieces of art work LOL. That was a joke by the way but i have asked for a few and if you take a look at Alan's site his art work is amazing and attention to detail is superb, take a look for yourself here's his website:-

http://www.invisibleincdesign.com/

Alan with a piece of commissioned artwork.

Now i remember back when i were a tiny lad (so not much taller than i am now) hearing "White Riot" by The Clash and thinking, that is such a good song. From then on i got myself in to listening to more and more of the bands music, not just the singles but also the album tracks and lets be honest Joe Strummer was a god and great front man. He even has an area at Glastonbury named after him, Strummerville where there is a memorial stone. So it was an honour to have 2 people who are involved with the UK's No1 Clash tribute band drinking in my bar every night, Big Bob (Road Manager/Powerhouse) and Woody (Mick Jones of the band but not as ugly). I'm going to try and see if i can get them in to a few of the bars in Cardiff and Swansea. They have played in these places before but i want them down near me gigging in 2012 so i can go to the gig with the world famous actor Leighton Kyle as he is also a big fan. Take a look at their website, have a look at the tour dates and see if there's one near you and try to get along to see the boys, you won't be disappointed if you like The Clash.

http://www.rebeltruce.com/

Big Bob and Woody, nice to see Big Bob awake in this pic as its 4am LOL

So August is half way through and boy what a crazy one, never known a August so busy for me. The only problem i have is that the ice don't last long is this heat and i can't get the drinks out quick enough, maybe time to train up a young Jedi in the ways of the order of the Oceanic Knights. Ok just read that back and it sounds like the working mens club by a famous Mr. Peter Kay. "Eyes down, get your dibbers and your dabbers, its bingo time at Oceanic Knights" LOL Never will bingo be played within the sacred grounds of the Oceanic, Connect 4 yes, Bingo NO, NO, NO!

At the Moment in the bar i am holding the Connect 4 World/Leeds Championships. First round got underway yesterday and the odds on favourite Callum fell at the first hurdle but there are 2 front runners now, Alison and Cogger (think i spelt that right) William Hill have stopped the betting on Cogger and there may be a stewards enquiry in to match fixing with the player as there has been some heavy betting on the world ranked No.3 Cogger after the world No.2 russian Champion whodienickerbollockoff and the World No.1 from America, Micky "The Mcdonalds Muncher" Murphy. I'll give you the outcome of this major sporting event on the next update, its tense folks i can tell you.

There are many other things i have to tell you but to be honest its lovely outside and i'm sat on a sofa, indoors writing this so i think its time to say to you, i'm going to bugger off now and will write a bit more next week when the lovely Helen returns and after St. Dionysios day on the 24th. So excited that Helens here soon, been ages and my dishes are pilling up in sink LOL.

A useful update fact for you :- Did you know that if you hold tin foil to the back of your mobile phone it will pick up wifi internet connections much stronger from a further distance away. Don't tell anyone i told you this ok.

Total Wipeout update:- Not been sent the details of my full audition yet just been given the day and thank you to all the support i've been getting via Oceanic Chill Out Bar facebook wall that Helen has told me about and from my customers in the bar.

See ya later alligators, whoop whoop, i'm gone!

Who ate all the pies? This fat git!

Has a week gone by already, time is flying now and soon i'll be back in good old blighty watching cities burn, shop windows get smashed and rain, rain and oh yes more rain. Aren't you just proud to be british, a nation of great weather and friendly people all happy to just get along and help each other, thats if getting a 42" tv out of currys shop window is involved LOL.

Well lets start with some very exciting news, if you remember back in March or April i applied to be on the game show "Total Wipeout" well guess what, after 4 months of waiting i have got through to the auditions to be on the show. The e-mail was recieved yesterday. Woohoo. This is part of what the e-mail said "Only a select few out of the thousands of applications have been invited for an audition, congratulations because your one of them" OH MY GOD, im one of them, can you believe it. A once in a lifetime chance to have a go at the Eliminator and the "Big Red Balls" but there is a down side to this, the audition is Sept 9th in Cardiff. I don't believe it, as Victor Meldrew would say haha. I will have to close the bar for 3 nights and fly back Thur to Sun. I will never get this opportunity again, i could apply again another year but who would say that i will be successful the next time, i so want to do the audition and hopefully be accepted for the show. Also its filmed in Argentina, AREEBA AREEBA, i know thats more to do with Mexico but what do the Argentinians say when excited? Are you behind me folks? Answers on a postcard or on the Oceanic chill out bar facebook wall.

This could be me flying through the air gracefully then finishing with a big fat splash!

So i've got pretty fed up with white pudding now but still munching my way through it, 5 left to go. So i decided to get some good old stodge, pies, pasties, sausages and fish cakes. I went to one of the large supermarkets out of town and bought 4 chicken and veg pies, 4 cod cakes, 2 cornish pasties, a steak and kidney pudding and a bag of 8 pork sausages. I'm not proud of myself to tell you this but i ate all of them in 2 days, well except 4 sausages which are still in the freezer. So i will now review the food. First the cornish pasties, as you can see from the picture the name of the brand is "Shire Famous Pies"? Yep i've never heard of them either. So of course i was expecting them to be more "Shite Famous Pies" but i was very surprised they were lovely, filled well, good meat and nice tasting veg.

The Cod Cakes, well they were made by "Youngs" so of course they were great. The Chicken & Veg pies this time Birds Eye, they were ok, shallow filling, processed chicken and mainly gravy, poor. Now then, the steak & kidney pudding by "The Great British Pudding Company" again, WHO? The box said on it "Made with the finest cuts of meat", finest cuts of meat for who, Lassie! I cut it open like the picture on the box, looked promising, good pastry, filled well. Then the taste, what the hell kind of meat are they using, the last time i smelt and saw meat that looked like that it was in Petras dog bowl (Petra being my mums dog of course) and even she turned her nose up at it. As you can see from the box its £1.89, to be honest i doubt these are even sold in the UK and are sold to foreign countries for idiot brits like me to buy and it cost me 4.25€, bloody hell all that white pudding must have made me desperate for me to pay that much LOL.

Well its summertime again in the UK so the usuall heavy rain and flood warnings but the thing i miss the most is all the good bands that play in the summer at stadium concerts and festivals but this year on the island we have something even better, the greek version of the Chuckle Brothers, "Pros Aemaena Pros Aesaena", (thats "to me, to you" in greek so i've been told LOL)

The Chuckelos Brothers!

Talking of things that make you chuckle, well it made me laugh with sarcasm, what has happened with the british charts, Cher "x factor loser" Lloyd is at number 1. Now i hadn't heard the song till just now but isnt the chorus "Oh my darling Clementine"?, talk about major rip off. No wonder the music industry is in a state with crap like that getting to number 1.

The bar is doing amazing but the nights are very weird. Since the 1st Aug including last night i've been packed out at some point having to put chain across, Maybe not for long but still packed out. Which is good but also not so good as customers are being turned away but i can't fit in any more than the floor space allows but the drinking habits are strange. One minute i'm there chatting with just maybe 2 tables of customers thinking its going to be a quiet night then, boom! About 9.30-10pm the bar packs out then all gone again by 11.30am and closing by 2am. Now for me thats fine, i'm hitting 2-3 times my target in a short space of time and getting to close early which in this heat is a god send as i'm just drained all the time. At the moment i'm ahead of my best month ever but i never take anything for granted it can all change within a matter of 1 day but i've paid up full the rent on the bar and the apartment for the season so from here on in it should be stress free, famous last words haha!

Around the resort its starting to get quieter now so i'm told but on the old road as the people are walking past my bar i hear hardly any british voices these days, all eastern european, greek and italian. Where as before Kalamaki was maybe 80% british i would definately say its now only 50%. My thoughts are its down to the UK tour companies squeezing the hoteliers profit margins so the hoteliers go with foreign tour companies who pay more per room. Don't blame them to be honest they need to make a living.

Well my ramblings are coming to an end and the X Box is calling, i'm now middleweight champion of the world on Fight Night, "floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee, i am the greatest", "touch gloves and lets get it on" i'm out of here folks.

Taxi strikes, grannies buried in sand and other random ramblings on!

Well another week passes and another truely thrilling enjoyable update for you all to read LOL

So lets see, ah yes, well, i'm now on my fourth stick of white pudding, please for god sake someone take at least one off my hands. If your self catering and want to eat for a week without buying any food then you can have one of my white puddings.

So from Monday 25/7 till sun 31/7 its was such a quiet week, quieter than ive ever been in July but due to the great first 3 weeks i beat my best July, so now thats May, June and July have all beat previous records. August has also started off really well getting quite a few before dinner drinkers in now, then a very quiet period from about 9.30 till 11.30 but open till 4am also the first 3 days of Aug at some point during the night i've had a lock out (bar full, chain across) so its looking good but in this heat its exhausting doing everything myself with a full bar but again that isnt a complaint just stating a fact.

The taxi strike is now in to its 12th day i believe, there so many people asking questions about it on websites that i'm trying to keep them updated every day by going and talking to the taxi drivers on the picket line but there might be light at the end of the tunnel this saturday 6/8 so i've been told so fingers crossed.

Now, i've been here 11 years now and i understand the greek way of life, if someone says will meet you in an hour add 2, if someone says it will be ready in 2 days give 5 but i put my motorbike in with my mechanic to have its new petrol tank mounted and a general service last Thursday, he said 2 days, i told him i'd give him 5, i went back after 6 days and bike hasn't been touched aaaaggghhhhh! After walking in to Zakynthos town from Kalamaki only to find out i'd be walking back again, lets just say i was a tad angry but good for weight loss walking that distance in this heat, although my nose is now more red than Sir Alex Fergusons. Then i order a take away tuna pasta salad without onion only to find out when i get home it was a chicken salad with a ton of onions, GGGggrrrrrrr! Could anything else go wrong, yes it could, i ripped my trainer on a nail in the bar, bugger! But there was a highlight i found a new refreshing drink, Bacardi and lemon ice tea mmmmmmm!

As you know my lovely blog followers when it gets a bit quieter later on in the early hours of the morning i may sit with a few of my customers and have a chat. so a few mornings ago i was sat with Paul and Lynn and they told me of where they once stayed in Spain i think it was, a family used to bury their good old grannie in the ground up to her neck in sand, there was a sand pit at the apartments especially for her to buried in every day and left for a few hours with a hat on and the daughter would fan her every now and again. I thought it was some new found method of making your vegetables grow quicker, bury gran next to the vegetable patch in sand but no, its meant to be good for arthritis. One safety aspect i think i should point out here, don't bury granny near the sea, its hard to tread water with just your ears.

On a completely different subject did you know sheep have their legs on one side of their bodies shorter than the other for when they stand on the sides of hills and mountains. Good fact.

I've come up with 2 more new cocktails, not dessert ones but they seem to be popular so i'll add them to the menu today, one is Ouzo based as you don't find many cocktails with Ouzo in.

Helen has just about finished the new house, builders have to come in and complete the snagging list but apart from that its all done. She has been working so so hard on getting it all sorted while i've been out here in the sun so i do feel very guilty about it as she has enough to do what with her hectic work schedule and of course making sure her mum is ok after her treatment for her throat cancer. Really excited about going home and stepping in to the new house, told Helen i don't want to see pictures, want to see it first hand, maybe Carol Smiley can be there to cover my eyes, walk me in and say "open your eyes and take a look" like on changing rooms all those years ago, why did that show finish LOL.

Stand and Deliver, i'm the dandy highwayman. Well no i'm not but i will be going to see the legend that is Adam Ant in November thanks to my world famous actor nephew Leighton Kyle who got us the tickets, then in December he's got us VIP guest list passes to Duran Duran, OH MY GOOD GOD, i will be drinking with the god of crap dance moves Simon Le Bon, Leighton, i salute you sir.

So as you can see not much been going on, italians and greeks who are visiting the island are doing my nut in with the quad bikes and thats why i don't go out much on my bikes at this time of season, roll on sept to get back out on the roads and get up for my weekly ice cream fix at Redskins with John and Sue. I'm having cold turkey due to the withdrawl of no toffe and malibu ice cream, i don 't mean i'm literaly having cold turkey, its just a saying haha.

Still No.1 on Tripadvisor, for now, but again its all a matter of luck as far as i'm concerned.

That musics lost its taste so try another flavour.