Royal Wedding, why is everyone going crazy?

Well its almost time for the biggest event of the year, no not the Royal Wedding, my flight to Zakynthos.

But before this mammoth occaision lets talk about this wedding. First of all they say it will cost in the region of £21 million and Mr & Mrs Middleton will be giving £100 thousand. Now hang on there, isn't the father of the bride meant to pay for the wedding? So if Mr. Middleton is giving that feeble sum where is the other £20,900,000 coming from, yes you got it the peoples taxes, thats why they call it "the peoples wedding" cause we're bloody paying for it, so if thats the case i want my piece of cake. Next why is this wedding so special, Wills ain't even the next in line to the throne. Everywhere you turn its a union jack, newspapers, adverts, shop windows, i know what the british flag looks like, show us the royal crest instead, be original for once. Its been rammed down our throats since they announced they were to wed, SO WHAT! The Royals don't really do anything. Someone said to me that "they bring in tourism" so does Alton Towers but we don't have endless coverage when they open a new thrill ride do we. Parliment make all the decisions, there's no more beheadings or invading of countries so what do they actually do? Harry is most probably the most full on royal and has actually invaded a country and if i'm being honest is a better catch than Wills these days, I thought i was losing my hair quickly but that guy is sprinting past me LOL. So i'm quite glad i'm on Zakynthos when its all happening and away from it all, i'll also be steering well clear of anywhere showing it or celebrating it on the island, why would anyone want to watch it anyway, dull, dull, dull. The Royals are as we all know of half German heritage so not even 100% british beef either. Did you know the first tudor King was Welsh. Oh yes he was you know and the Tudor period from 1485 to 1603 is known as the most exciting period in british history and why, because of the Welsh. YACHI DA!

So this friday i had my final Friday night out with my nephew the world famous actor, singer, bass player and Elvis sunglass wearer Leighton Kyle. As usual we started off in our local that had a refurb, now if you like Antiques Roadshow then "The Heath" is for you, while quaffing your ale you can pick up a ming vase and try to date what year it was made, the one Leighton and I were musing over was quite easy to spot as on the bottom was stamped "Barry Island Fun Fair" must have been off a "knock a coconut over" stall. On to a lounge bar called "Buffalo" where cocktails were a snip at £6 each, Golly! Next stop one of our favs "Pen & Wig" always good in there. We were feeling cultured by this point so decided on some live music to sip to. "Live Lounge" we took our seats and the band began to play, unfortunately that bad was the playing, tis crap me lord, the band started with an asthmatic cat version of Stereophonics - "Dakota" followed by my all time favourite band The Beatles - "can't buy me love" we were at the mercy of any muggers in the bar at that point as we became suicidal. By the way i don't really like the beatles i was being sarcastic. Next stop we headed to "The Library" no not a reading one a drinking one where we have our DJ who ends up being our own personal jukebox. After a few in there we stepped up to "Floyds" £8 for a drink, quick exit stage left after one, Leighton got out quicker than me as he's an actor and knows where stage left is, i had to look at my hands and remember which i write with, "Right!" so the other hand must be left. On to our final bar of the night "Revolution" now i forgot to say it was the quietest Friday night i've ever seen in Cardiff City centre but Revolution was the busiest but still quiet. We have a long drink then being as the night was drawing on and needed some excitment we ordered a rack of shots, sweet shop shots, six of them. We didn't know which was which flavour so we played Scissors, paper, stone and who ever won chose which they wanted so a sort of russian roulette with shots. Now if i ever served such crap tasting shot like those i would give up the bar trade, they were the most disgusting things i've ever had in my mouth and i've had lambs testicles in my gob so you can see how bad they were. While partaking in a shot a photographer approached us to take our picture for the Revolution website, with me being a Reverend and Leighton being world famous actor its not a good look for him to be seen with a man of the cloth half cut, Leighton declined but i thought "What the Hell" lets kick the church in to the 21st century with a merry Reverend. After the picture i was informed that the Pope likes a tipple, DAMN THE VATICAN! Off to a trusty steed or a taxi to the normal person and home with a tray of mixed kebab meat and chips with BBQ sauce to eat while watching "American Dad" life doesn't get much better than that.

The Merry Rev Kev. Slight look of Popeye about me but without the muscles, just add pipe LOL.

Time is almost here for me to leave this beautiful sunny country and go to a beautiful sunny country. This year its been harder than ever to leave and as i've said on my blog in the past every year it gets harder and harder to leave as i get more and more settled but the thrill of the bar having a new look and new lease of life is something that i'm really looking forward too, you can't stand still in business, you have to evolve. Got a new look bar, new look menu and new unique cocktails not forgetting some more classic songs you won't hear anywhere else. Got quite a few years in me yet on the island so don't think i'll be leaving anytime soon unless i open another bar on Kefalonia along with Oceanic but again that is in a few years time as got lots of business ideas but just need the time to start them without one overtaking the time of the other.

So for now i'll bid you farewell till i reach the island and will update Sunday on everything from Kalamaki on the first arrivals day, whats open and closed, what the weathers like, what the prices are and whats going on in general.

Tooda-loo folks. "Kevlar is flying tonight on a plane, i can see the red tail lights heading for Zakynthos" Nope, doesn't work LOL.

Singing "Time goes by so slowly"

Well update time but to be honest with you not done much since the last one, been out for long walks, looked in every furniture shop for a sofa and swivel cuddle chair that isn't made from cord material, drank lots of Costa's Caramel capuccino which i now can no longer drink as even after just one cup i start to shake and feel sick, talked to a few friends on the island this week and was given some very interesting news about my bars re-decoration, theres always someone about watching out. My poor landlord is very upset about whats happened to his building and has filed a police report but as i told him its only paint and i'll sort it all in good time, no rush. I'm a very patient person LOL

Its been lovely weather here as you all know and when its like this and i walk on Swansea beach around to The Mumbles and i don't feel the need to be on Zakynthos but the weather here is so bad in the summer i always thank the good lord for being on the island.

I don't mind working hard in any country but the rules and regulations now in the UK is crazy, i think less gets done now than before because of all these silly rule thats come in. Before if a lightbulb went in the workplace you'd get a chair and change it but now you must have a ladder which is a pain in the ass to go and find one so the bulb never gets replaced or a plug needs changing but now you need a qualified electrician to do it. I've been in to a few bars this past month and bulbs are out which are within easy reach on a chair, quiz machine wasn't on so when i asked is the quiz machine working the woman behind the bar told me an electrician was coming out to change the plug as the old one was cracked. How crazy is that, if they saw the way things were done in Greece everywhere would be closed down haha. What i'm trying to say is i think i'd find it hard to work again full time in the UK after having so much freedom on Zakynthos but if i did ever decide to come back to the UK when i'm old and grey with a pension i would open a bar here as i have already been looking at properties just to get an idea of whats about and prices as i have my own public licence already so just need the building, a little local village pub is the last step when i retire but i'm more than happy on Zakynthos and also been looking at opening another bar on Kefalonia so its easy to travel between the two. I've done everything i've ever wanted to do, oh apart from one thing visit New Zealand but that isn't a problem got plenty of time for that, so expanding my business is the only thing i can think of doing. And just to add to Silly Britain rules, children are not allowed to play conkers in school due to health & safety and nut allergy, that is seriously ridiculous.

So thats it for now , told you haven't done much but the suns out, i'm showered and ready to go out for my daily walk along the beach. How lucky am i, a beach 5 mins walk away from my house in Swansea and a beach 5 mins walk away from my Apt in Kalamaki, shame i hate sand LOL

What the papers say!

I know its not time for an update but this morning i read a report in The Mirror about prices of things abroad and where is best value for money, in this list they include Greece but where they were eating and drinking i don't know. Lets have a look at some of the prices:- Cup of Coffee £2.08 = €2.28 Bottle of Beer £2.42 = €2.66 Can of Coke £1.93 = €2.12 Family for 4 £48.42 = €53.26 There is a whole list of things which in total came to £63.33 same list in uk was £82.52 and Greece came out as the 4th cheapest place to holiday behind Spain, Portugal and Bulgaria but out of those top 4 Greece has alot more appeal with it's culture and places to visit. Now lets look at those prices Cup of coffee is about right but you can get one for under €2 it will all depend on which cafe you visit. Bottle of beer (doesn't say what size) but you can get a Pint bottle of beer from as little as £1.36 = €1.50 in a bar. Can of Coke is the joke i was buying coke last year for £1.09 = €1.20 and the family 4 meal was just mains with bottle of wine and 2 soft drinks now i know you can pick up a main for as little as £4.54 = €5, bottle of wine for £7.27 = €8 and 2 soft drinks £3.63 = €4 so the total can be £29.09 = €32. So from these figures it actually takes the total price of list in line with Spain which is the cheapest destination to visit. These figures were obviously taken from Athens as the islands aren't open to tourists yet and as we all know Athens is more expensive anyway so this is an unfair judgement of prices for Greece. Also i went to Lanzarote in Feb and the prices were way higher than what the paper was saying they were charged, so again you can't go by these figures. There we go just a little pre-holiday chat and will update properley after the weekend.

Are we sitting comfortably? Then i'll begin.

Well what a time i've had since my last update, everything moving at 100mph and no time to scratch my welsh short ass.

So after being made homeless due to selling the house it was time to move back in with the folks, me to my house and my mum and Helen in to her sisters families house, so great plan by Helen "lets get the f*@k out of here" and visit her friends and god daughter, Diane, Mary, Andrew, Jane, Tracey and Elise in Manchester where she used to live also while there meet up with our friends Leigh, Rachel, Caz, Sam, Steve, Joanne, Nigel, Jeanette, Richard and Trudie. Amen to that sister. So looked for somewhere around Manchester and come up with De Vere Whites Hotel for a knock down price of £39PN from £129PN. Well, what a bloody hotel, excuse my language but i'm a pretty rough and ready type of hotel person, if its got a bed and a shower that'll do for me. One time i stayed in London i stayed in a hotel near Marble Arch so yes it was central for £10 a night but my bed was an ex-prison bunkbed and all fire exits were boarded up. When i got back from London on the Monday there was a Panorama Programme on BBC1 that night called "Deathtrap Hotels" and guess what, mine was on it, well i would never have guessed lol. Anyway as soon as we arrived i could see this was indeed the most upmarket hotel i've ever stayed in, someone like me would most probably only be in there cause i was the cleaner. Then we got to the room and that just made me giggle like a girl, i had a bath robe in the room, What? I couldn't believe it. How sad am i getting excited by a toweling object but i'd only ever seen it in hotel rooms in Bond films and on Dynasty (80's tv show). Then i drew back the curtains and i almost, dare i say it, almost pee'd myself. There in front of me was Boltons Football pitch, not the ground oh no i was actually inside the ground with my room overlooking the pitch. Unfortunately for me there wasn't a game on, also fortunately for the supporters there wasn't a game on cause they don't want to see me butt naked getting out of shower, not a pretty sight i can tell you. But wow what a great room, the rooms turn in to hospitality suites on game days with the bed folding up in to the wall to creat a bar area, brilliant! While i was soaking up the atmosphere of the empty Stadium i saw a man walk out of the team tunnel, walk around the edge of the pitch to the centre line on the opposite side of the stadium with a shiney gold urn, "Can you guess what it is yet?" When there he opened it up and quickly sprinkled the remains of what i guess must have been a supporter who sat over that side of the stadium, never seen that before so it was an added bonus.

Saw Tim Vine from BBC's "Not Going Out" in hotel bar.

Now i'm someone who likes a good priced drink thats why i keep my prices so low in Oceanic but in this place i thought the bar person was holding a gun to my head saying "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!" So, 2 pints of draught Bass bitter most probably the cheapest bitter you can buy wholesale and 2 single Bacardi's and coke, guess how much? £16 I have now declared myself bankrupt.

So after the weekend it was back to lots of bags and boxes and moving around getting ready for my medical test on the Thursday.

On monday about 8pm i think i must have been possesed by the devil, now with me being a Reverend this would obviously send my body in to a mass explosion of muscle spasms and internal conflict and thats exactly what happened. Not going in to to much detail but what happened to me made the girl in the original exorcist film look like the Tellytubbys, i was so ill. Now i handle illness and pain very well, don't use tablets to help with anything, i just let it run its course but this hurt real bad and couldn't take any medication due to my medical test coming up on the Thursday. This lasted for 3 days and over 3 days i lost 8lb in weight and while i had this illness i had to unpack all my stuff i moved, so my room was a right tip which i hate. Also on the Monday my newest laptop got a virus (not the one i had) and that has gone in to be fixed. 3 hours before i was about to leave for my medical test i fell ill again with muscle spasms and shooting constant pain that took hold of the whole right hand side of the top half my body and i was in so much agony i had to take tablets which then meant i couldn't take my medical test but there was nothing i could do. So instead of this being typed from my fourth home at Simbec this is now from my room.

Update on bars graffiti refurb. My very good friend John (izzy, izzy, izzy, oi, oi, oi!) went and had a look around and sent me some pics of the bar, if i wasn't doing a refurb already it would have cost me about £2000 after replacing the plastic weather tents but they will clean up with anti-graffiti spray anyway and only need them for a month before i bin them for new ones. Lets just say whoever did it their art work sure aint "Banksy" LOL.

The graffiti in my bar. Ok its not but heres a "Banksy"

So thats it for now, all booked up to go back, got my coach and flight for £137 so not bad from Swansea to Zakynthos. time to get myself better for the weekend.

Brr-brr, brr-brr, brr-brr, thats all folks!

Forgot to say, an old timer asked me to change the text colour as they had a problem reading the words LOL! Here you go old man.